Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Nurses Humor


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24 Posts

Ruby Vee, you have the most hilarious stories! I'd love to just sit around talking to you about old nursing stories! It seems like all the best stories come from you! Thanks for sharing!

Ruby Vee, BSN

47 Articles; 14,026 Posts

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
imnmk_rn said:
ruby vee, you have the most hilarious stories! I'd love to just sit around talking to you about old nursing stories! it seems like all the best stories come from you! thanks for sharing!

why, thank you! you're too kind!


7 Posts

We once had a patient come into the ER I work out that said she woke up and her toe was gone. Her big toe was a bloody, mangled stump. She was a diabetic and had neuropathy. She was also taking tons of medicines for her pain. After our doc examined her, he called her surgeon that she had seen in the past. When the surgeon got on the phone and we explained that she had no idea what had happened and just woke up to find her toe gone, he laughed, and said, oh no her dog chewed her other toe off.

One more......We once had a lady with delusions come in. I went in with the physician for the exam. We found her with her prothsetic eye in her hand. She licked it and put it back in the socket. The doctor turned to me and gave me this look. We both had to excuse ourselves to go and laugh in another room.

:lol2: We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other.

I keep remembering to a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient. I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room... I couldn't believe what I saw... An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery.... he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bedrail for extra support.... With both hands...HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!! Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story? :chuckle

Specializes in LTC, Home Health, L&D, Nsy, PP.

When I was doing home health, I had a patient who was very demanding and could be outright rude at times. At one point she had a terrible stomach virus which made her a daily patient for a while - of course I got stuck with her while she was daily. One morning I went in and she was sitting at the kitchen counter looking positively green around the gills. I said, "***, Are you alright?" She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Hell NO! That Dr. is going to have to do something about these damn pills he gave me. They are too big to swallow and I have to cut them in half, and to top it all off, they are slimy and make me gag when I try to get them down!!" I nearly died laughing when I realized that the "pills" were glycerin suppositories ...


423 Posts

I once wandered into a res. room and found her to be watching REAL SEX on HBO. I just turned and left, it was still on when I came back up the hall, she was sitting there watching it in her recliner.

Specializes in M/S, OB, Ortho, ICU, Diabetes, QA/PI.
jennobrn01 said:
Working in OB, I see it all. Some of the best stories stem from body ornamentation. Tattoo's and piercings are as creative as their owners.

The time had come for one of my pt.'s to have a vag. exam. After first talking through the procedure with her; I pulled back the covers. As the patient spread her legs, the little rodent footprints tatooed on both inner thighs...leading up to her perineum...were unavoidable. The patient willing said with a grin on her face..."Yup, that's my rat trap!"

oh yeah - OB is great - my husband misses the stories that I came home with when I worked in OB

we had a patient come in to deliver with a tatoo just above her pubic hair that was the a euphemism for female genitalia and below it was an arrow pointing down towards said body part - the OB who did her delivery was quite amused and said "How dumb are the guys that she's fooling around with that she has to provide them with directions to where they need to go?" I said "Well, obviously one was smart enough to follow the directions...." :rotfl: :rotfl:

southern rn

235 Posts

I had an old alcoholic man one night with lots of tattoos, across each butt cheek he had one word "the end ". i was also told by other staff he had a tattoo on his manhood, I made it my goal for the night to NOT know what that tattoo was! I sure hope ever who his tattoo artist was, he was well paid



38 Posts

I work in LTC 7p-7a. I have this little lady, incredibly sweet and funny although pleasantly confused, early 90's. She doesn't sleep much, we've lost many personal alarms because she hates them and throws them away or hides them. The other night about 1 am, she came to the desk, out of bed by herself, no alarm in sight, and I know it was there, I checked myself, anyway tells me in a very matter of fact tone " I need a tampon!" I reply: "I'm sorry, what did you say?" Again: "I need a tampon", I asked what for, trying to hide the laughter and she replies "because every time I stand up I dribble, and I want a tampon to keep it from doing that, call my doctor NOW!!!!!!! OMG, it was so funny, yet she was serious, we battled this situation for about 3 days, then she went on to 'I want a small, white dog, not a big dog, a small one, a real one':rotfl:

When I worked on med-surg, one of my co-workers related this story. We worked 11-7 on a renal unit. Around 6 am we weighed the ESRD pts who were not scheduled for dialysis that day. My co-worker goes to weigh one pt. she is not familiar with. He is lying in bed under the blankets. She tells him to "hop on the scale". He sits up and she learns he only has one leg! He literally "hops on the scale". She was embarrassed!

Stephanie RN CDE

Another story from when I worked med-surg. One of my male patients called the nursing station and asked for me to come to his room. The nurse who answered the call light asked if I needed to bring anything (juice, medication, water, etc-to save an additional trip). The patient replied "I have what she needs right here! He was referring to a tube of medication that was in his room, but that is not how the other nurses interpreted his comment!

Stephanie RN CDE


8 Posts

i have 2 the first one was i had this little lady who had one of her legs missing aka and she had a prostatic we had just got done with her shower and had her dressed and in her chair with her leg on when we were going down the hall her leg got stuck behind the chair making it look like her leg was bent all the way back under the chair this maint man see's this and starts screaming about her leg breaking. her being the funny person that she was started screaming as well saying oh my God you tore my leg off

allnurses Guide

NurseCard, ADN

2 Articles; 2,847 Posts

Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.

Once when I was still a nurse's aide, I was taking care of this little old lady with Alzheimers, who was in restraints. I had to go in her room and turn her and make sure she was clean, and reapply the restraints. While doing all of this, she suddenly grabbed my arm and started tugging on me. I had no idea what she was trying to do. She started talking, and her speech was somewhat garbled, but eventually I started making out something like "C'mere baby, oh do that to me!" and she started making smooching sounds. She was trying to make out with me!! :rotfl:

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