Say What??????!!!!!!!!!!

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Say what??????/What is the strangest:uhoh21: , or funniest :lol2: things your pt's have told you, or that you've heard!!!!!!!!!:uhoh3:

Had to cath a toddler, 2 or 3 years old at the most, whose mother was a psychiatrist we all knew and disliked. As I'm prepping, I hear mom tell her daughter "she's going to put that thing in your va-jay-jay." Um, hello? Anatomy lession? Or do psychs get to miss that day? I just let it go. I know we use some euphemisms for that "area" with kids, but why not say privates? Va-jay-jay is a pretty advanced and ridiculous euphemism for the genitals.

Agreed that Mom should not have said that to a toddler since it wasn't anatomically correct, but there's nothing wrong with the word itself. Lots of nurse on here use that term.

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Had an a child as inpatient. One of the nurses needed him to collect a urine. When her back was turned, he poured lemonade in the cup. The sample was sent to the lab, and the lab nearly died when they saw the results.

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This is not from a patient but from a fellow nurse, "Its been so long since I've given insulin. 10cc is the same as 10 units right?":eek:

Dear God, she needs a refresher. That could have been life-threatening. I'm so glad she asked.

Seriously, though, if you haven't already done so, please tell the boss so this nurse can be educated and re-trained. :uhoh3: :uhoh21:

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Had an a child as inpatient. One of the nurses needed him to collect a urine. When her back was turned, he poured lemonade in the cup. The sample was sent to the lab, and the lab nearly died when they saw the results.

If this wasn't a small child HE would have died if I'd been the nurse!:angryfire

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My 3yo niece looks through my SIL's colorful anatomy book quite frequently...and you know how much they are sponges...

She told me "I dont like smoothies cuz they make my amygdala hurt" It took me forever to realize what she was saying, then she pointed to it in the book...It's right there where you feel "brain freeze"!!! LOL

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Specializes in Licensed Practical Nurse.

Oh, boy , these are hilarious, the B6/B12 and insulin ones are just downright dangerous though, talk about sad!

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Took care of a patient who was 48 hours s/p barium enema study. Needless to say everything had backed up and nothing worked in spite of all the high technology that medicine has to offer. I ended up resourting to a more "traditional" technique to clear the obstruction. After I had cleared the obstruction with explosive results (All over the room and my entire right arm), the patient pulled on their pants, turned around, and stated, "I want you to personally thank the doctor for taking such good care of me and taking care of my problem." I just kept thinking, "you cannot kill people...you go to jail." It got me through the night.

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Specializes in Pulmonology/Critical Care, Internal Med.

When my grandfather had a heart attack a few years ago and was in ICU we were visiting him when all of a sudden we heard a old man screaming HELLLLP HELLLLP......THEY TIED MY D*CK TO THE BED. He had a catheter put in when he came to the ER. He was unconscious and woke up to find it there.....poor old guy, but god it was funny.

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I was sitting in with a Psychiatrist that was interviewing a patient who was cutting the heads off of Ken dolls ans sticking them up his rectum. The Psychiatrist asked, "Why don't you stick Barbie doll heads up there?"

The patient replied, "No way, that's sick. What do you think I am, crazy?"

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Specializes in ER, ICU, cardiac.
I was sitting in with a Psychiatrist that was interviewing a patient who was cutting the heads off of Ken dolls ans sticking them up his rectum. The Psychiatrist asked, "Why don't you stick Barbie doll heads up there?"

The patient replied, "No way, that's sick. What do you think I am, crazy?"

that is hilarious! did you keep a straight face for that?

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One of our patient's fathers asked the doctor two days ago if the doctor was going to pay the father's car payment. I'm not sure what the doctor said, but it must have been some variation of NO because yesterday, the same father demanded to to talk to the hospital administrator to find out *who* was going to pay his car payment.

Isn't it enough that we (as in the hospital) are already paying for his daughter's ICU stay, her family's hotel room, her family's food allowance, and her family's parking costs? Not to mention providing toys for the child's siblings? Sheesh.

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But Susan, that's why he expected his car payment to be taken care of!!

Question: whyis the hospital paying for all that?

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