Say What??????!!!!!!!!!!

[gt4everpn]

Say what??????/What is the strangest:uhoh21: , or funniest things your pt's have told you, or that you've heard!!!!!!!!!

[TazziRN, RN]

'Nuther one: a couple of years ago a 30-something woman came into the ER after recent abd surgery, c/o inability to urinate. I threw her on a gurney and grabbed a foley kit, worked quickly and got ready to insert. Pt started moaning (shoulda been my first clue!) and then when the foley was in and starting to drain she moaned and sighed at the same time and said, "You have magic fingers."

My tech was at the bedside with me, and I haven't lived it down yet.

[HeartsOpenWide, RN]

"If they put in a catheter how will they know if my water breaks?", and the member goes where?

[lauralassie]

"I need to git her back right now, she has sick as Hell anemia !"

" I get my STD from Zoloft". When questioning her about why she got the STD from Zoloft, she said, "well , it said on TV , that it causes sexual side effects". God , grant me serenity when I'm in triage !

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

'Nuther one: a couple of years ago a 30-something woman came into the ER after recent abd surgery, c/o inability to urinate. I threw her on a gurney and grabbed a foley kit, worked quickly and got ready to insert. Pt started moaning (shoulda been my first clue!) and then when the foley was in and starting to drain she moaned and sighed at the same time and said, "You have magic fingers."

My tech was at the bedside with me, and I haven't lived it down yet.

This is priceless. I can honestly say that no patient I've ever had to put a Foley in has ever been.....umm.....HAPPY.....with the process, LOL!!

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

Elderly hip fx pt with severe dementia requested pain meds; she was in alot of pain. Brought her what was ordered within ten minutes, tops. She stared at me like *I* was the lunatic, saying "what's that for? You trying to kill me??" LOL, I told her that I was going to give her some medicine to get rid of her pain, and she told me that she wasn't in any pain, who TOLD me that she was in pain.....everyone is talking about her....go ahead and give it to her roomate, SHE was in pain. Sigh.

[bluetack, RN]

A 20-something woman came in c/o severe pain in her thigh. She then proceeded to tell me how she had "lost" a tampon inside of her a few days ago and was convinced that it had travelled to her leg and was the cause of the pain. She did not speak with the quietest of voices either, so most of the patients within earshot were chuckling to themselves. It was so hard to keep a straight face with that one!

[LadyEJ BSN, RN]

These are so funny! I got a good morning laugh:lol2:

[BoopetteRN]

Years and years ago I cared for a retired nurse who lived at my facility. I was washing her bottom and she expelled some flatus. She replied " beans beans the musical fruit the more you eat the more you toot, the more you toot the better you feel so lets have beans for every meal". I laughed so hard and so did she, I always remembered that little poem and it was 35 years ago.

[TazziRN, RN]

I heard:

Beans, beans, they're good for your heart

The more you eat, the more you fart

The more more you fart, the better you feel

So let's have beans for every meal!

[Luvelyone]

pregnant patient, talking to her psychologist:

"my friend told me that if you have sex it feeds the baby."

psychologist (his first visit with the patient, didn't know her very well yet):

"um, well, maybe if you swallow!"

pregnant patient:

"oh, but i do!!!"

:roll

ok...this one almost made me pee my pants...you would have owed me a $2.95 dry cleaning fee. :lol_hitti

[twinmommy+2, ADN, BSN, MSN]

A patient reciently called up to the nurses station to ask if her doctor had been in yet. I asked her why and she stated that he was going to perform a "virginia repair"

[TazziRN, RN]

Sewing Virginia and West Virginia together? :rotfl: