Hi, as you can see from the topic heading I am trying to decide what I should do. Yes, my husband started an affair with his case manager while he was under her care this past January. This has led to our divorce.
Now, just a little info so you can help me to decide if I should report her to the state. No, we did not have a good marriage (30years) but I felt we were actually doing better this past year. The affair started this past January -- phone calls on my bill after hours, late into night, and he got a parking ticket by her house.
He injured himself at work and was assigned this case manager to guide him through his rehab and return to work.
I did not report this immediately because I was angry and did not want to do anything out of anger. I have truly forgiven him for this and feel the divorce is best for us. I realize you cannot turn someone's head that is not already looking.
The issue I have is this: as nurses we have a code of Ethics we should follow. I feel she should have waited until he was no longer her patient then whatever happens, happens.
I truly do not want her to lose her job, but I am angry and feel betrayed that a fellow RN would do this. What if they break up?? If I do not report her have I given her permission to prey on the next patient....married or not?
I'm leaning more towards not reporting this because I do not know the repercussions to her (termination, etc) but of course my co-workers who are so supportive all want me to report this for the breach of ethics.
I am asking you all out there who do not know me for unbiased opinions.
I do appreciate your time....I tried to find this topic elsewhere before posting so please forgive me if it is here somewhere!!
I definitely agree that getting involved with a patient is beyond disturbing and wrong. However, if I was the wife who got a divorce over it, I would not waste my time reporting it. By letting it go you get to move on with your life, find peace, and decide how you want to live from here on out. Life is too short to spend precious time going back over what went wrong and why and punishing the associated parties for their involvement. I know 30 years is a lot and I know that your marriage is over but if he did this now with a case worker (Which is just nauseating thinking about because who gets involved with a patient?!) do you really think that it wouldn't have happened later down the road with a co-worker, friend, or whoever? At least now you can be free from any more drama. I'm sorry that this happened to you but I just think that healing takes place when we move on from the past and stop spending energy on things that are negative. You did nothing wrong. He did. Let yourself be happy and walk away from this.
Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.
I think you should report it as I think what she did was unconscionable as his case manager. Really disgusting. He is getting what he deserves and you are better off.
But if you feel that to report it will entangle you further in this marriage, cause you additional pain and suffering, interfere with your ability to heal, then I am okay with you not reporting it to spare you this. You should not have to endure anything else.
So hard. I am so sorry. This may sound crazy, but here goes: sounds like you work at the same facility as at least your husband and the social worker too. (I worked with my ex-husband who was a nurse too...very difficult). I know it doesn't seem fair, but let them go...they deserve each other...and get outa there honey. Stop paying any of his bills and get yourself a new job at a new facility. The constant gossip with co workers taking sides is ugly and will kill you (or at least make you a bitter old wench). Make yourself a new life for a beautiful and deserving you.
Regarding reporting her to her state board: don't bother. You don't need to tinker with creating vindictive and revengeful karma for yourself. You just concentrate an flying free like a bird and getting happy. Her karma (and your husband's) will take care of itself.
Sorry you had to go through this and (((((hugs))))) to you.
In your first post, you stated that he "started an affair" with her. Take a step back and evaluate this. Who initiated this? Who pushed for it? Could she have been vulnerable to his advances? Or did she start it? Did she take advantage of him in a vulnerable state. If she started it, then you might have a case. If he did, that would be a different story. There are so many unknowns here. That being said, whoever initiated this relationship, she should have refused in either scenario and waited until his need of a case manager was ended.
I thank you all for your responses. Gave me a lot to think about and I agree, I most likely will let it go. It does take 2 for this behavior to start and continue and I must just move forward with my life and leave this baggage in the past.
Perhaps you should explore what benefit you will have in reporting this? I agree what she did was morally wrong nurse or not. Maybe it's just the type of person she is, maybe they deserve each other. Reporting this and the ensuing investigation may suck for you, how will you benefit? Best of luck to you.
I would report it. Don't we as nurses have the responsibility of reporting things? If it was a fellow nurse and her patient, would you hesitate reporting?
I would have a problem using a case worker that showed such horrible ethical breach of morals and professionalism. If she is willing to ignore and trample the professional line for that, what else is she willing to do?
I second the thought have having your divorce attorney report it for you if you feel uncomfortable doing it yourself.
I have mixed feelings about this. I think you need to do whatever it takes to have peace in your life. If that means not reporting her, then so be it. However, if she was the instigator, then she is taking advantage of a patient and that is completely unethical. Nurses and other caregivers should not ever start a sexual relationship with a patient. Ever. I think that is worth reporting.
Your DH sounds like he was a willing participant. You, unfortunately will come across at the bitter, scorned wife. Personally, I'd let this thing play out naturally. It seems that situations like this have a way of imploding without any help from an outsider!
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NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN
1,599 Posts
I definitely agree that getting involved with a patient is beyond disturbing and wrong. However, if I was the wife who got a divorce over it, I would not waste my time reporting it. By letting it go you get to move on with your life, find peace, and decide how you want to live from here on out. Life is too short to spend precious time going back over what went wrong and why and punishing the associated parties for their involvement. I know 30 years is a lot and I know that your marriage is over but if he did this now with a case worker (Which is just nauseating thinking about because who gets involved with a patient?!) do you really think that it wouldn't have happened later down the road with a co-worker, friend, or whoever? At least now you can be free from any more drama. I'm sorry that this happened to you but I just think that healing takes place when we move on from the past and stop spending energy on things that are negative. You did nothing wrong. He did. Let yourself be happy and walk away from this.