other rn mama's ..going back to work after

guineachick, MSN, APRN, NP · Sep 21, 2010

Oh I wish I had advice but I'm in the same boat. I think my husband would support me going back to work but he has made it clear he would rather me not! I know he gets nervous with LO by himself. I have learned to accept this. In a way I feel blessed to have a husband that is willing to be the sole provider so I can stay home but ido worry about waiting too long to go back. My LO is 4 months BTW.

netglow, ASN, RN · Sep 21, 2010

I don't think you are asking too much. IMHO, these are his children and he will have to find his way to overcome his fear of them! As a friend of mine has always said, as a woman, you should NEVER step all the way out of your career. This is best for you, him, and the kids in the long run. You will always have options and control, he will always have to remember and respect this :cool: , and your children can learn from and feel your confidence and success. Marriage is a partnership, and with kids, even more important that it stay equal.

CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN · Sep 21, 2010

I've done it 5 times now...5 kids.

I only work part time and 8 hour shifts so it isn't that bad (every other weekend and PRN). Is your husband afraid of the baby or are you afraid of what he will/ won't do? My hubby had it rough with some of the babies (they all nursed and some took bottles better than others)

Take a deep breath and think about this...He is their dad. Dads are able to do everything (except the nursing part) that moms can do. Dads should do this too. The kids will be fine and will grow to love the "Dad Time" . What made me feel better was to everything read or laid out for him...bottles were lined up on the counter, clothes were laid out and meals were just about ready for him to make for the other kids.

Keep up the PRN or perdiem job...you need this adult time and time to just be a nurse and not a mommy and the extra $$$ is nice too.

I went thru that period where I didn't want to be away from the kids/ babies then I went thru the period where I just want to run out of the house to work..now I'm at the stage where it is just inconvient to work. LOL. 5 kids with the youngest at 1 yr and the oldest at 10....so many activities and so little time~

ohh..its also nice for Dad to be able to see what Mom is going thru at home with the kids.

country mom · Sep 21, 2010

Wow, I had the opposite experience. I wanted to stay home more, but my DH saw no reason that I shouldn't be able to work full time. After all, he told me, 40 hours a week IS part time in his world, and the work at home is "no big deal". He has come a long way in terms of getting a clue. They'll usually come around with time, love and encouragement.

RNperdiem, RN · Sep 21, 2010

Having to take care of the kids one day a week was a good experience for my husband.

He did real childcare all day. he did not "babysit".

I have never been asked the demoralizing "what do you do all day at home" question. He knows.

Remember, per diem is an excellent way to stay in nursing in these economically uncertain times. I would not recommend quitting completely unless there is no other choice.

Since you are not first time parents, exactly why is he so hesitant about looking after the baby?

erin01 · Sep 21, 2010

I think he just anxious over the baby being so small. He worried he won't know what to do with him. I really appreciate ur comments and it's made me feel a bit better. I not sure exactly why I thought I was the only one who did this. I don't want to give up the job just yet with out trying it. So I keep telling him it will be one bad night! I think we are both just anxious ={ thanks

allnurses Guide · Sep 21, 2010

tell him, pick up the baby, love him, change him, feed him, change him, lay him down, change him, love him, feed him, change him......

ever watch Am. Funniest Videos? All those guys throwing up and having a horrible time coping with a diaper? Just make sure dad has to change a few while you're still home! Seriously, he is quite capable of taking care of a baby for one night.

It is hard to leave little ones, but frankly, having a chance for adult non-diaper related conversations is a really nice break.

After dh died, I had to leave my 6, 9 and 12 yo kids home at night. Since we had a family habit of reading out loud, I started recording some of the stories, so when I was at work in the evenings they would play the tapes at bedtime and have "Mom there reading". Might try that for the 3 yo.

KneKno · Sep 21, 2010

Can hour husband do a few "practice runs"? He can be responsible for the baby for 12-14 hrs overnight, you get to sleep. If something happens he truely can't handle, you are there for back-up--but, a last resort only!. I've always worked nights, 3 12's/week. Dad is just as responsible for the kids as me; he said he was "babysitting" only once! Good Luck!

kcochrane · Sep 21, 2010

I think working one night a week is a great idea. You still get to stay home the majority of the time, but you keep your foot in the workforce world. You never know what life can hand you and having the ability to work and support your family is important. I found this out after getting divorced and after my 2nd husband got really sick.

There is no reason why your husband can't step up one night a week. We were all nervous with little babies, but then our confidence grew. I like the idea of a practice run while you are still at home.

BTW I've worked full time with the last three kids... I have five.

Good luck!

roser13, ASN, RN · Sep 21, 2010

It's wonderful that you are able to work just one night a week. I have always felt bad for those who have to adjust back to 40 hours right away with an infant at home.

I bet your husband will adjust.....he will likely need lots of positive reinforcement. Always remember not to criticize...if he doesn't put the diaper on exactly as you would have or forgets the bath.....if no one died, it's not an issue

muesli · Sep 22, 2010

I hear you're anxious, but try to have more confidence in him and he may in himself. I had no choice and had to go back to work full time after both of my kids. My husband complained about how hard it was the whole way, but he's an excellent Dad who can handle any messy or poopy situation. I think he is closer to the girls and has more of an appreciation of the work I do when he gets to be Mr. Mom for a few nights a week. I can't tell you to tell him to suck it up (although I want to ). Be real with him about your feelings and if nursing is that important to you, tell him. Make the decision that's best for everyone.