Ridiculous Reasons to See the Nurse

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So, we really need a place to log the ridiculous reasons some kids have to get out of class and come see the nurse. You know, those pressing medical problems like, "my lips hurt." I had that one today.

Earlier this year I had a student come see me because she had a hair on her tongue!!

Somewhere there is a teacher giving these kids a clinic pass for these visits!

What are the crazy reasons to see the nurse at your clinic??

"I don't want to BE here!"

*tears*

Neither do I, kiddo. Neither do I.

Kid: I have a headache

Me: Yeah, me too.

Kid: can I call my mom???

Me: only if she'll take me home too.

The kids make my headache worse.

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Specializes in IMC, school nursing.

Mine was my own son. The office lady at our small school came in and told me my son was puking outside. I go out, and yes, it is true. I go through the assessment, and knowing what I packed him, skipped the food questions. After a few minutes, he tells me that he ate a plant. Radar is now way up, starting to switch from nurse to parent mode. He said he threw it in the garden, went to find it, as visions of charcoal and NGT swirl in my head. We find it, a wild onion, thankfully. I was a parent at this school way before a nurse. I saw how not having a nurse took away from my kids education time, even with classes of 13. I have instructed my teachers to please utilize me for any problem that may take away from instructional time, it is why I am here. Yes, I was not trained to deal with clothes mishaps, crazy requests, or just attention seeking, I try to remember that the primary focus at a school is learning, not health care, and that is what it should revolve around.

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Just sent a kid back to class... His teacher sent him because he was tired. I asked if he thought he was sick, he said "No, just tired". Took his temp and shipped him out. Tried to conceal my eye roll. Was unsuccessful.

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Specializes in School Nursing, Hospice,Med-Surg.

I need another turn in the ridiculous reasons room.

So, a 7th grader runs in this morning (he's a FF) and says, "I think my thumb's infected."

I say, "Thumb? I saw you yesterday. There was nothing wrong. What happened to your thumb?"

"I got a staple in it."

He shows me the infected staple thumb (see reenactment below).

"Whoa, when did ya do this?"

"Monday."

"Then let's clean this up. I'd hate to see you lose a thumb."

I get Bactine spray, gauze, throwing caution to the wind and FOREGO GLOVES! Next thing you know I have this kid's infected thumb ink all over my hands. What's happening here? Could I be exposed? Should I report this? Could I loose my license?? My head is spinning!

Me: "This looks like..oh, never mind...let me get you a bandaid."

Kid: "Oh yeah, I need some cough drops, too."

Aaaaaaargh!!

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Just had this exchange:

(6th grade)Student- It feels like I got shot in the knee.

Me- When was the last time you were shot in the knee?

Student- um.. never.

Me- I think that if you were shot in the knee, you probably would be showing more outward signs of pain and likely wouldn't have walked into my office without assistance. Please don't exaggerate. Do you want an ice pack?

Studnet- sure. *walks out with normal gait*

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Specializes in School Nursing, Hospice,Med-Surg.

HAHA...

A student walked in yesterday saying, "my leg hurts so bad I can't walk on it."

I said, "well, you're walking on it now sooooo....you may want to describe that pain some other way."

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I said, "well, you're walking on it now sooooo....you may want to describe that pain some other way."

I have some standard responses for all these kinds of things.

IE- when a student hurts his/her knee and says "I can't move it" but they have normal ROM, I tell them " 'Can't move' and 'hurts to move' are very different things. 'Hurts to move' means you get an ice pack. 'Can't move' means you get an ambulance. Here's your ice pack."

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I just came here to post about that very thing.

Kid: My leg hurts SO BAD and I can't walk!!!

Me: How did you get here, then?

Kid: ...

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Specializes in School Nursing, Hospice,Med-Surg.

Ok...gimme a comeback for my kid who ends every complaint with "...it's killing me." As in:

My head hurts so bad it's killing me.

My shoulder hurts so bad it's killing me.

My throat hurts so bad it's killing me.

I could go on forever.

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Specializes in IMC, school nursing.

Grab the AED?

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I just came here to post about that very thing.

Kid: My leg hurts SO BAD and I can't walk!!!

Me: How did you get here, then?

Kid: ...

Oh yes!! The gym is about 1/2 mile hike from the clinic. They get here with no assitance but can't walk????

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3rd grader: "The metal bar brushed against my hair, I might have a head injury now."

Me: Did you hit your head on the metal bar?

3rd grader; No it just brushed past my hair.

Me: I'm pretty sure your hair is going to be fine

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