Real or Fake friendly smile.

[Llakisqa]

Yesterday I was terminated from a large hospital. I'm a new nurse was my first job. I feel devastated, depressed cannot believe this happen to me, I'm never been fired before. I was told....."The nurses in your floor believe you are not a good match, they perceived you are "self-defensive". She said.."you probably going to be fantastic RN in other area but not in a hospital, maybe in clinics or places where you can use your bilingual skills" I don't understand why nobody talks to me, if I did or said something what they don't like. I'm really appreciated if my coworkers talk to me directly so I can learn and correct my mistakes. I'm so sad to discover the reality not all the nurses are nurturing and caring for other humans. Why when I work in the floor they show me fake friendly smiles, why they give positive feedback, why they said you are doing good...thanks God I'm honest transparent always the same person and the few days I worked my patients only have a good complements for me. I have to admit I never involve myself in conversation without invitation, so may be that is perceived as " self-defensive".

[PetsToPeople]

So very well said GrnTea.

[Isitpossible, LPN, LVN]

very much agree GrnTea..thank you recognizing that there may have been a problem completely unrelated to "new nurse not taking criticism well." it appears the situation could have be a cultural issue...thanks for not pouncing on the new nurse!

[FNP-2-BE]

Best wishes and prayers to you.

[GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN]

i'm sincerely sorry for your misfortune, after all the years that i been in my beloved nursing career, i still don't comprehend the reasons for lateral behavior among us nurses. wishing you the very best in all of your future endeavors...as i send you hugs from across the miles...ciao~

[Katrin]

Well, it's my first entry here, and I apologize for hurting (unintentionally) someone's feelings. Please, correct me if I am wrong, but it looks like there is no hope for ESL-nurses in USA/Canada... I am a newcomer/immigrant pursuing a nursing career in Canada. My first degree is in education, and, obviously, obtained oversea. I have already made my prerequisites ("A" in psychology and A&P and "B+" in English) in a highly reputable community college. At present I am waiting for the admissions office decision from another college with a point-based entry system. It looks like they doubt everything: my home country degree, my work/volunteer experience... praise God, they don't doubt local community college transcripts... I would highly appreciate any advices/recommendations. Do I have any chances to get into nursing program? And what is more important is it possible to get and hold nursing job despite my inability to chit-chat fluently with my colleagues? Thank you in advance.

[Always_Learning, BSN, RN]

In reference to Ruby's comment, I agree that it is easy for new nurses to come across as defensive (I speak from experience...or should I say inexperience). The problem is that we want so badly to seem competent in the eyes of our colleagues. So when someone says, "Gee, I think you should turn that pressor down," we panic, and our first thought is "let me tell them why I haven't turned it down so they don't think I'm totally stupid." Our goal might be to save face or explain our logic, but their goal is to make sure it's done correctly. I'm not saying that coming across as defensive is OK; I'm just saying that it's easy to do.

It might sound dumb, but I have sort of "scripted" something in my head for when I get constructive criticism. The very first thing out of my mouth is, "Thank you for sharing that with me." If it's something I don't understand or maybe even disagree with, I might then ask, "To help me understand that better in the future, can you explain what the rationale is for XYZ? I'd like to learn." You don't have to use these very words, but by responding in a manner similar to this, I think it conveys two things: 1) You are acknowledging what the other nurse is telling you, and 2) you are conveying that you are there to learn and improve.

There might be a cultural element at work, but with the manager using the word "defensive," I would look at the manner in which you receive criticism, and even make up a goofy little "script" like I did, to make sure you respond appropriately. It seems unfair, because I believe most new nurses truly do want to learn and improve, even if they come across as defensive. But it is imperative that your team members feel that you are teachable and receptive, and there are things you can do to make sure you come across this way. Just sharing from my own experiences. :hug:

Best of luck to you!

[hereicome]

Well, it's my first entry here, and I apologize for hurting (unintentionally) someone's feelings. Please, correct me if I am wrong, but it looks like there is no hope for ESL-nurses in USA/Canada... I am a newcomer/immigrant pursuing a nursing career in Canada. My first degree is in education, and, obviously, obtained oversea. I have already made my prerequisites ("A" in psychology and A&P and "B+" in English) in a highly reputable community college. At present I am waiting for the admissions office decision from another college with a point-based entry system. It looks like they doubt everything: my home country degree, my work/volunteer experience... praise God, they don't doubt local community college transcripts... I would highly appreciate any advices/recommendations. Do I have any chances to get into nursing program? And what is more important is it possible to get and hold nursing job despite my inability to chit-chat fluently with my colleagues? Thank you in advance.

Katrin, I think you are wrong. I don't know how it is in Canada, but inthe USA, i think international students are rather somewhat favored, especially if the person meets the admission criteria and can prove to the admission committee either through their transcripts, admission essay, and interview that they can succeed in the program.

I for one studied abroad and had a below 3.0GPA in my first degree, but i had a 3.8 in my prereqs. I applied to three nursing schools and was accepted in all three. Two of them used the point system and one did not. The ones with point system had interviews, but no essay. I believe that was a way for them to evaluate our communication skills because it won't make any sense to have a 4.0 GPA student who can't speak clearly for her classmates, teachers and patients to understand.

I think (not sure though) every program needs a diversed class. So i believe international students who have proven hard working through their grades stand very good chance because of their cultural differences.

Also, i would like you to know that before I decided to g for nursing, i applied to two state school business programs and was accepted to both. I had below the 3.0GPA they recommended, but i had the required GMAT scores. Before I applied, i called both schools and was told they don't take my international GPA into consideration. They only considered my GMAT score, TOEFL score and admissions essay.

I have a freind who studies nursing in Africa and thought her diploma had no value in the US. She worked as a CNA for more than 2yrs while completing her prereqs until was adviced to send her documents for evaluation. She was surprised she got an equivalent in the USA and was allowed to write the boards. She is now a RN.

[graceomalleyRN, RN]

To the OP:

Your post really sounds as if you are NOT defensive, almost painfully so. My gut reaction here is that it has something to do with your language. That opinion was reinforced when I read when they fired you they mentioned that your second language may come in handy elsewhere in nursing and that they marked you for rehire. So it isn't a performance issue. My guess is that perhaps patients have complained that you are difficult to understand. Were you working with an older population? We have several ESL nurses on our floors and the patients complain to me frequently about not being able to understand them and why doesn't our hospital hire American nurses...these comments usually being from older people who have a hard time hearing any language, and a thick accent just makes it more difficult for them.

Move on and be grateful that you were marked to be rehired as this is what your new employer will ask. I'm sorry you are going through this, it is a very painful thing to be let go, especially when they are possibly being less than forthcoming with you about the reasons why.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

in reference to ruby's comment, i agree that it is easy for new nurses to come across as defensive (i speak from experience...or should i say inexperience). the problem is that we want so badly to seem competent in the eyes of our colleagues. so when someone says, "gee, i think you should turn that pressor down," we panic, and our first thought is "let me tell them why i haven't turned it down so they don't think i'm totally stupid." our goal might be to save face or explain our logic, but their goal is to make sure it's done correctly. i'm not saying that coming across as defensive is ok; i'm just saying that it's easy to do.

it might sound dumb, but i have sort of "scripted" something in my head for when i get constructive criticism. the very first thing out of my mouth is, "thank you for sharing that with me." if it's something i don't understand or maybe even disagree with, i might then ask, "to help me understand that better in the future, can you explain what the rationale is for xyz? i'd like to learn." you don't have to use these very words, but by responding in a manner similar to this, i think it conveys two things: 1) you are acknowledging what the other nurse is telling you, and 2) you are conveying that you are there to learn and improve.

there might be a cultural element at work, but with the manager using the word "defensive," i would look at the manner in which you receive criticism, and even make up a goofy little "script" like i did, to make sure you respond appropriately. it seems unfair, because i believe most new nurses truly do want to learn and improve, even if they come across as defensive. but it is imperative that your team members feel that you are teachable and receptive, and there are things you can do to make sure you come across this way. just sharing from my own experiences. :hug:

best of luck to you!

the "scripting" may be very helpful -- i'd say give it a try.

[Babs0512]

I had a nice "cushy" ADON position in a small facility. I had been there 11 months. I saw an ad for an ADON position in a larger facility with a SIGNIFICANT increase in pay ($20,000). So I applied. In my first interview with the DON, I was honest and said "If you're looking for a 'yes man', I am not your person". I was called back for a second interview with the DON - she told me she was going to be moving into the VP of nursing and she would like to "groom" me for her position - as the other current ADON "just didn't have what it takes" to be the DON. I then had a group interview with all the nurse managers. Long story short, I got the job. My boss was suppose to meet with me weekly for an hour - as a question/answer period, to tell me what I needed to work on, etc... This was often cancelled, by my boss, because of more "pressing" matters. I loved working there, I worked long hours and I learned much - but what I never learned was all these "committies" I was assigned to - some had very obscure names, and I wasn't certain what was expected of me. "Falls commitee was a no brainer" but "Administrative commitee" didn't tell me much. The meetings themselves weren't very informative - I found the majority sat around and talked about their weekends and such - so I never really understood their purpose. I worked there for two months, was called into my bosses office on a Monday ans she said "It's not working out, I have to let you go." I was shocked, no one (to include my boss) ever said anything to me about not doing a good job, or needing to improve in this area, and so on. I said "Why?" her response was "You're just not fitting in with the culture here" I said "What?" She repeated the same answer. I said "Look, I've never been fired before, so if for no other reason than for learning, please give me specifics as to where I faltered so this can be a learning experience for me." "Babs, it's nothing personal, you're just not fitting in with the culture here." I realized I wasn't going to get a straight answer - so I asked "What about a reference?" She said "I will give dates of employment and I will tell them that you are a very hard worker." She hugged me and wished me well. I was escorted to my office, given boxes to pack my stuff up, and escorted out of the building. I must say, that I have never figured out what she meant - I WANTED specifics, so I could learn, but was given nothing.

Yes, it hurt, and hurt bad, but life goes on. I haven't been able to get a ADON or DON position since. Such is life. I feel your pain, been there.

Blessings

[Katrin]

Katrin, I think you are wrong...

Thank you for your response. I would be happy if I was wrong.

[treeye]

I think the comment that "you are defensive" are more likely related to what OP said than her cultural differences. OP has been here for 10 years. I am sure cultural differences still exist, but i think its impact will not be as great.

I can't imagine how hard to adapt to a new culture and thrive in it, OP must be a good student and probably a high achiever. However, it is always hard to accept criticism and it is always hard to see from another perspectives.

During nursing school, an instructor criticized and reported me in terms of a small clinical incident and I was totally ****** and defensive. It has been almost half a year now that I finally realized how much I appreciated her pointing it out for me. It takes time to realize what you could do better on your part.

When you look back after a couple of years, you may realize that it is not that bad. Cheer up! and best luck to you.