Re- mariage is over

2ndCareerRN · Apr 18, 2004

hmmmmmmmmmmmm......I wonder how he feels about you?

bob

luckyladyore · Apr 19, 2004

Ok firstly I wish to address some issues. I said that my husband is boring. He is boring if you knew him you would say the same. Im not saying that he isn't a nice and caring guy, but he is boring. Our life is boring and I have gone from being an outgoing, fun loving person to yes, a boring person myself.
Secondly we dont have sex at all ( im 26 ). I just dont desire to have sex with him. I feel like something is wrong with me, but I just couldn't be bothered any more. It has never been a mind blowing experence if you get my drift. :imbar
Thirdly I was at his sisters place the other day and she bought out the family photo album. There was a total of one photo of me in that whole album. :angryfire Im very much loved by all (NOT). And once again he just sits there like a stunned mullet and dosent say a word.This has happened quite alot with him and I as he dosent like causing trouble. I cant see how sticking up for your wife is causing trouble. :angryfire
Im not saying that he isnt a good father, or a good provider but surely I count to. I have gave up a hell off a lot for him I cant help but feel like now its my turn.I do care about him but at the moment I just cant deal with all the **** that goes along with him. The stupid little things that he does, the contants mistakes that he makes which I have to correct, all on a daily basis.
I feel like an absolute ***** but I just cant take it anymore.
Regards Lacie

How long have you been married? What type off Quality time do yall spend together any cuddling Marriage is not based on sex! I think you need to sit down and talk to him about the issue. from my own experience your not married to the family so dont concern yourself with them be nice and brief if you dont have a relationship with them. SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND EVERY thing SHALL BE ADDED(sex, trips cuddlingor*s*ms Im speaking from experience!!!!!!!:kiss

Trauma Columnist · Apr 19, 2004

I sure hope you seek some outside assistance before you throw in the towel. Good luck!

Dixen81 · Apr 19, 2004

To put it bluntly, he sounds too good for you.

Husband · Apr 19, 2004

In your other thread you said that your husband doesn't see any problems with your marriage. If he doesn't sees a problem when you don't want sex at all then BOTH of you have a problem. If he repeatedly asked for sex but eventually gave up then that could explain his lazy attitude about other matters. He actually sounds depressed and going to counseling may reveal that he needs help. Although I've never gone to counseling and would not want to, I would if it were the last chance to stop my wife from leaving. Your husband should feel the same about you and if he refuses then it's time to leave. Why bother if he doesn't?

Your comment about his family is a cliché. Being a male, I'm sure he wouldn't have noticed or cared if HE wasn't in an album of YOUR relatives. We don't have any photos of some relatives in THREE full albums! They are filled mostly with our kid, our dog and us. What did you want him to say? "Sis, I demand that you to take out those pictures of your parents, siblings, kids and the trip to the Grampians and put in some A4 photos of my wife". Does that sound reasonable? Did YOU say anything about the lack of photos yourself? Do you have a relative who has not filled their album with photos of your husband? This incident sounds very trivial to me but I assume that it is just one of many when you thought that he didn't stand up for you against his family. Perhaps he is like me and just doesn't care what any relatives think. Basically, my wife doesn't like my mum and she sees nothing I do or say as being enough. My mum is an old biddy and I'm far from a mommy's boy having left home at 17 and not close to any of my family. My wife is just unreasonable - it's about the only thing that she is unreasonable about. On the other hand, she thinks that her family is wonderful and can't understand why I don't love them all dearly and ignore any snide remark they make. Don't blame him for his family and stop worrying about them.

I've made a few assumptions based on my own experiences so I'm sorry if I'm way off but if you worry about in-laws, "the stupid little things" and the constant problems that are part of any marriage then marriage is not for you.

Brickman · Apr 19, 2004

If your post is any indication of what kind of person you are then I feel very sorry for your husband.

nurse07 · Apr 19, 2004

To put it bluntly, he sounds too good for you.

To respond to your tread, you don't know me and you dont know the situation.Maybe if you did you wouldnt have been so rude. The message might have sounded harsh but you don't know my husband or me so please dont judge me by a person who was blowing off steam.

Are you marriage? Do you have any experence on the matter

I wonder......................... :uhoh3:

LesJenRN · Apr 19, 2004

To respond to your tread, you don't know me and you dont know the situation.Maybe if you did you wouldnt have been so rude. The message might have sounded harsh but you don't know my husband or me so please dont judge me by a person who was blowing off steam.
Are you marriage? Do you have any experence on the matter
I wonder.........................

I hear what you are saying and you are just being honest....I dont think that you should have received those negative responses.

What made you fall for him initially? Marriage does get boring....husbands can become irritating (and vise-versa), and sex....well I to have no desire anymore...no bells and whistles because he doesnt listen to what I suggest. Looking back though....it was always like that and I guess I just hoped it would change.

I totally have been/am where you are....

emmy · Apr 19, 2004

Hi Lacie

I was wondering how you were doing I wouldn't pay any attention to what I consider to be very nasty responses to your post. I thought that this was a place where people were allowed to vent their worries and concerns and be supported in return, what do I know :rolleyes:

I hope that you both get the help you need as you sound angry and he sounds withdrawn.

I wouldn't worry about what his family thinks of you, I used to let my mother-in-law stress me out but I just let it all wash over me now. Maybe your feelings about his families treatment of you are at the bottom of your problems. I know my relationship with my husband used to suffer when his mother used to irritate me all the time and now that I don't let her bother me that's a huge chunk of stress gone.

Anyway I'm probably way off the mark, I hope things get better for you!

2ndCareerRN · Apr 19, 2004

I thought that this was a place where people were allowed to vent their worries and concerns and be supported in return, what do I know

It can be that type of place. It can also be a place where you are ridiculed.

It is a public board, as such there are many different people that use it. With the information in the OP there is little to give support for. It actually sounds like whining to me, and possibly others. But, that is the chance you take when posting on an open forum, not everyone is going to see things as you do.

Lacie, whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out for you. In the end, only you can make the decision. Relying upon the advice of strangers for such a life changing event needs to be evaluated very carefully. You need to spend some time in contemplation, and trust yourself to make the right decision for yourself.

bob

live4today, RN · Apr 19, 2004

The best advice that someone (my only brother) gave me when in a dilemma about what to do with a bad marriage was this:

Women will take whatever a man dishes out because they think they can turn apples into oranges. If it smells like an orange, it's an orange. If it peels like an orange, it's an orange. If you want the orange to really be an apple, stop dreaming...it aint gonna happen for ya!

When you get tired of putting up with the bullcrap and the boring marriage, you'll get out of it. Otherwise, deal with it and keep on keeping on with the louse.

Now...THOSE are a counselors words and my only brother's words to me when faced with what to do with my marriage. Guess what decision I made about the whole mess..............DIVORCE WILL BE AFFECTIVE THIS SUMMER!