I have a vent about coworkers who have kids playing the "Kid Card," by claiming that they have to come in late sometimes, need more sick time, or that it isn't as bad to call out, when compared to workers who don't have kids. Now, I have a child myself, but I have never felt that it entitled me to special treatment at work.
Lately, some coworkers have been calling out, coming late, or leaving work early. They claim that since they have kids, it's "expected" that this should happen, and that the NH should be more understanding, and that they should not be written-up. Also, they argue that they should get preference for holidays off over workers without kids. (I know this is a big concern around Christmas.) I feel that all workers should abide by the same attendance rules, and that nurses and CNAs who have kids should not, on that basis alone, be "allowed" to come to work late, or have more sick time. What do you all think?
I've got several children and knew before I went into nursing that there would be times that tradeoffs would have to happen.
I prepared my children for the holidays--"When Mama is a nurse, she will have to work Christmas, etc. because sick people need someone to take care of them." They understand that perfectly; after all, they like to have someone take care of them when they're sick, too. We just celebrate on a different day; as long as we're together, that's what counts.
Before I went to school, DH and I sat down and set up several contingency plans for illness, emergencies, etc. He is as much a parent as I am and if he is the one to take the baby to the doctor; after all, it's his baby too :). He usually takes the day off if one of them is sick because he doesn't have a limit on call-off days, I do. When I'm home, I take care of things.
I'm always early and rarely call in sick. But I would hope that if an emergency came up that I could leave and have my assignment divided up--same as my coworkers, whether they have children or not.
It's kind of interesting where I work; the few people who are always late are the ones without kids.
Although I am a responsible nurse, my kids do come first and if I needed to call in to take care of them, I don't guess it's anyone's business what I use my call-off days for .
I was going to edit my post, but the edit button was taking too long. There are also good trade offs for working as a nurse. The pay and benefits are good and I work full-time in only three (albeit long ) days a week :). I have a job that is generally rewarding and my kids are proud of me .
This reminds me of the 1st day of school this year. A bunch of nurses called in sick causing a real crunch in the facility...so mandating began for the night shift. Many of those nurses were mothers that were prepared to go get their kids on the bus the 1st day of school. My night coworker refused to stay, she told them she worked nights to make sure that she could take her son to school and should not be penalized because others didn't plan. The first day of school may be the next "holiday" that needs to be alternated each year.
I have five kids, I've been late once in three years. I do use my sick time for myself and my kids, but I call in at least 3-4 hours ahead of time in order for them to get help.
I think there are those with children and without children that play with the rules. True emergencies do happen and even the best laid plans can go haywire, but once a week? I doubt it. And I agree with whoever stated that these are the same people that are usually not working up to par with everyone else as it is.
We are a team and always willing to work a little extra to help someone in a real bind, but I'm not bending over backwards for someone that is in a bind all the time. It gets old after awhile. And again these are the same people who are nowhere to be found if you need a favor or need to switch shifts.
If I have to stay over 10 minutes to cover for someone who can't get their kids to day care or if I get called in on my day off because someone didn't have a contingency plan for an illness with their child, it pretty much ticks me off.
My time is just as important to me; my holidays are just as important to me. Every minute I have to cover for someone because of their kids is a minute I sacrifice with my own family (it's a minute I could be making a baby with my own husband.)
At my particular institution, it feels - from my childless point of view - like things have gone beyond trying to be flexible towards the working parent towards almost punishing the childless individual. At my institution, parents get to:
come in at 8:00, instead of 6:45, in order to take their kids to school.
take 1.5 hour lunches, so they can pick their kids up from school and deliver them to day care (childless people get 30 minutes)
take personal calls at work (even if it's not in relation to their children) without being reprimanded
call in sick for their children's illnesses without incurring any punitive repercussions (the childless earn a point for every sick call - 12 points and you're fired)
randomly remove themselves from the schedule without finding a replacement nurse for that shift (no one else is allowed to do this)
if they are breast feeding, take 4-5 20 minute breaks through out the day to pump (even though non lactaters get NO breaks besides lunch)
store their personal breast milk in our staff food fridge, even though we have a dedicated breast milk freezer and fridge just because the breast feeders find it more convenient and don't want to share with the patients (never mind that some of the non breast feeders find it gross to have someone's bodily fluids next to our food.)
So my understanding and empathy for parents is pretty darn limited at the moment. After all, no one forced you to either have children or choose hospital nursing for your line of work. Why should I have to work harder or longer just because of your choices? Honestly, if I'm late because I was out partying the night before or call in sick because I have a hang over, I imagine your sympathy me is pretty much nil, right?
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
At my particular institution, it feels - from my childless point of view - like things have gone beyond trying to be flexible towards the working parent towards almost punishing the childless individual. At my institution, parents get to:
come in at 8:00, instead of 6:45, in order to take their kids to school.
take 1.5 hour lunches, so they can pick their kids up from school and deliver them to day care (childless people get 30 minutes)
take personal calls at work (even if it's not in relation to their children) without being reprimanded
call in sick for their children's illnesses without incurring any punitive repercussions (the childless earn a point for every sick call - 12 points and you're fired)
randomly remove themselves from the schedule without finding a replacement nurse for that shift (no one else is allowed to do this)
if they are breast feeding, take 4-5 20 minute breaks through out the day to pump (even though non lactaters get NO breaks besides lunch)
store their personal breast milk in our staff food fridge, even though we have a dedicated breast milk freezer and fridge just because the breast feeders find it more convenient and don't want to share with the patients (never mind that some of the non breast feeders find it gross to have someone's bodily fluids next to our food.)
So my understanding and empathy for parents is pretty darn limited at the moment. After all, no one forced you to either have children or choose hospital nursing for your line of work. Why should I have to work harder or longer just because of your choices? Honestly, if I'm late because I was out partying the night before or call in sick because I have a hang over, I imagine your sympathy me is pretty much nil, right?
What is happening at your facility is just ridiculous. My empathy would be in short supply, too.
I have no problem at all with facilities trying to be flexible, but things need to be equitable.
Specializes in Jack of all trades, and still learning.
i am always on time for work and luckily my daughter is not a sickly child because i will call in if she is too sick to be in daycare. the holiday thing is difficult, but we knew this when we decided to work bedside.
I am not a mum. But I feel for those who do have them. Especially single mothers. Your comment is interesting for two reasons:
You say that you are a parent and that we all knew what to expect when we decided to work bedside
You say that if your child is sickly you would stay off work
So whom do you support? Those who take time off to be with their children, or those who follow the other argument?
I knew a nurse who worked permanent nightshift. Not because she wanted to, but because she needed the money to raise her children. She needed support from her other half, but had none, except that he was at home. Often the older children looked after the younger until they went to school in the morning. She often had no sleep. Her husband didn't work. So she may as well have been a single mother...
Now what is she supposed to do? If the children are sick, she had to stay off, even though hubby was home. This may have happened once a year. At times she may have been late, but very rarely. She worked hard.
Do you think I resent this one minute? NO! It was not healthy for her, but she had children, and they came first, and if she had to take time off work, so be it. After all, children are our future
The community needs to take some responsibility, instead of jumping on people like these...Maybe we should be looking at solutions to help our mums rather than denigrate them?
*There was a group of mothers in one of our southern states who created their own childcare centre. They took turns to care for the children (there were about 20), and all put in $5 to cover costs. What happened? The govt turned around and stated that as they were unable to obtain insurance for their activities that they had to close down!
I get frustrated that people who are parents use their children as an excuse to take extra time off, turn up late or leave early all the time - and it doesn't just happen in nursing.
I also get annoyed that as a single person it would not be acceptable for me to take time off to help care for friends who have no family around when they are sick - in a lot of cases friends are the closest a lot of people have to family.
That's not to say that I don't accept and understand that sometimes kids get sick and they need somebody to stay home with them, but there are people who use their children as an excuse to get ideal shifts, when those of us who do not have children may have other reasons for needing to leave early, start late or have a holiday off.
As for having every Christmas off, it's not going to hurt your kids if you work over Christmas - for 13 years one of my parents worked all or part of Christmas, and even as a child I could understand why that was happening. My father was a paramedic and my brother didn't get to spend a whole Christmas with him until he was 13, but at no time did we ever feel like we had missed out. We still had a special day and worked around the shifts that Dad was working.
Specializes in Jack of all trades, and still learning.
I get this all the time as a DON, usually half an hour before the start of any given shift: "I can't come to work because my daughter has a migraine". "I have to leave an hour early all week because Johnny got kicked off the bus and I have to pick him up at school." "I can't work Tuesday or Thursday evenings anymore because Mary's basketball games are on those nights
This is different. You should be given plenty of notice before sick time is called for. Not sure about the bus concern, but maybe the person could offer to come in an hour earlier or make up the time in another way. The basketball excuse doesn't wash though...
Most of the nurses I work with that have kids have said that they'd rather be at work, LOL. One said, "I take overtime when I need a break from the kids".
The places I've worked have been pretty much fair about holidays. I haven't seen many people play the kid card too much, as far as calling in sick. Again, most of the parents want the overtime and want at least 40 hours.
I do think that the same rules should apply to everyone, kids or no kids. Your personal life needs to stay out of your professional life. I'm not talking about a true crisis though. Ultimately, I do believe your family comes first. I also think in most cases, your coworkers know who truly needs the time and who is abusing it. It's usually the same people all the time, like Leslie said.
I am not a mum. But I feel for those who do have them. Especially single mothers. Your comment is interesting for two reasons:
You say that you are a parent and that we all knew what to expect when we decided to work bedside
You say that if your child is sickly you would stay off work
So whom do you support? Those who take time off to be with their children, or those who follow the other argument?
I knew a nurse who worked permanent nightshift. Not because she wanted to, but because she needed the money to raise her children. She needed support from her other half, but had none, except that he was at home. Often the older children looked after the younger until they went to school in the morning. She often had no sleep. Her husband didn't work. So she may as well have been a single mother...
Now what is she supposed to do? If the children are sick, she had to stay off, even though hubby was home. This may have happened once a year. At times she may have been late, but very rarely. She worked hard.
Do you think I resent this one minute? NO! It was not healthy for her, but she had children, and they came first, and if she had to take time off work, so be it. After all, children are our future
The community needs to take some responsibility, instead of jumping on people like these...Maybe we should be looking at solutions to help our mums rather than denigrate them?
*There was a group of mothers in one of our southern states who created their own childcare centre. They took turns to care for the children (there were about 20), and all put in $5 to cover costs. What happened? The govt turned around and stated that as they were unable to obtain insurance for their activities that they had to close down!
Enough said...
:heartbeatSupport our mums:heartbeat
This is going to sound harsh, but having children is a personal decision. Other people should not have to "take responsibility" for children they did not give birth to. We all make choices in life and our choices have consequences.
The problem with this society lately is that we are a society of "victims" . What it comes down to is your employer has employees with children and employees without children. When these employees get hired, they know that certain things are expected of them. If Nurse A knows she has 5 kids and childcare issues why take a job where people(patients and coworkers alike) are depending on him/her to show up when they are scheduled? I don't have children, but I have relatives who depend on me. Why is my family any less important than Nurse A and her brood? Why should I have to pull a double or stay extra because she can't manage her personal and professional life?
And for the record, I don't hate kids. I will be trying to get pregnant in the next year or so. But, I will do so with the full knowledge that this is MY choice, and that I still have to try to be a professional.
I have 4 children ages 15, 13, 11, and 8 and a husband of 17 years. I have never been late due to the kids for school, clinicals, or now work. Once I graduated, my husband and I had already decided that my career is a bit more important now than his since I am making more money and am still new in my position (don't want to cause any problems with a new employer). So if the kids have to go to the doctor or whatever, he is the one that calls into work. This is just something that we've been able to work out between us. Besides, hubby is rather sick of his job and wants to find something else, so if him putting his kids first instead of his job is enough for them to want to fire him, so be it. I would never pull the "I have to deal with my kids" bit to my work only because I know how difficult it is to get a replacement in. My floor is way understaffed, especially since we had several quit. Besides, all these years I've stayed home with the kids and have been there for all the school plays, project, etc....and my hubby missing out because of his work...my hubby says he's glad that it's now his turn to enjoy being more involved with the kids and their schedules. It's kind of worked out for the better in the end after all.
I am not a mum. But I feel for those who do have them. Especially single mothers. Your comment is interesting for two reasons:
You say that you are a parent and that we all knew what to expect when we decided to work bedside
You say that if your child is sickly you would stay off work
So whom do you support? Those who take time off to be with their children, or those who follow the other argument?
I knew a nurse who worked permanent nightshift. Not because she wanted to, but because she needed the money to raise her children. She needed support from her other half, but had none, except that he was at home. Often the older children looked after the younger until they went to school in the morning. She often had no sleep. Her husband didn't work. So she may as well have been a single mother...
Now what is she supposed to do? If the children are sick, she had to stay off, even though hubby was home. This may have happened once a year. At times she may have been late, but very rarely. She worked hard.
Do you think I resent this one minute? NO! It was not healthy for her, but she had children, and they came first, and if she had to take time off work, so be it. After all, children are our future
The community needs to take some responsibility, instead of jumping on people like these...Maybe we should be looking at solutions to help our mums rather than denigrate them?
*There was a group of mothers in one of our southern states who created their own childcare centre. They took turns to care for the children (there were about 20), and all put in $5 to cover costs. What happened? The govt turned around and stated that as they were unable to obtain insurance for their activities that they had to close down!
Enough said...
:heartbeatSupport our mums:heartbeat
i agree with both sides...or should i say i understand both sides. when you are a mother your children come first. period. i am more conscious now of being on time and sometimes i go to work not feeling well because i try to save any sick time for something that may happen with my daughter. i don't want to inconveinence anyone. when i was single with no children i dealt with other nurses not coming to work, constantly calling in etc..., the unfortunate thing about this issue is that its not going to change anytime soon. women with kids work more now than they did 30 years ago and it will continue be a challenge. in my area there alot of 24 hour home daycare or extended hours childcare centers that offer after school pick up. these places sometimes have waiting lists so that alone tells you its just not nursing. but i still think that if working weekends, holidays and off shifts are unacceptable to your family life then bedside nursing is not the job for you.
Also, they argue that they should get preference for holidays off over workers without kids. (I know this is a big concern around Christmas.) I feel that all workers should abide by the same attendance rules, and that nurses and CNAs who have kids should not, on that basis alone, be "allowed" to come to work late, or have more sick time. What do you all think?
) days a week :). I have a job that is generally rewarding and my kids are proud of me 
.
hikernurse
1,302 Posts
I've got several children and knew before I went into nursing that there would be times that tradeoffs would have to happen.
I prepared my children for the holidays--"When Mama is a nurse, she will have to work Christmas, etc. because sick people need someone to take care of them." They understand that perfectly; after all, they like to have someone take care of them when they're sick, too. We just celebrate on a different day; as long as we're together, that's what counts.
Before I went to school, DH and I sat down and set up several contingency plans for illness, emergencies, etc. He is as much a parent as I am and if he is the one to take the baby to the doctor; after all, it's his baby too :). He usually takes the day off if one of them is sick because he doesn't have a limit on call-off days, I do. When I'm home, I take care of things.
I'm always early and rarely call in sick. But I would hope that if an emergency came up that I could leave and have my assignment divided up--same as my coworkers, whether they have children or not.
It's kind of interesting where I work; the few people who are always late are the ones without kids.
Although I am a responsible nurse, my kids do come first and if I needed to call in to take care of them, I don't guess it's anyone's business what I use my call-off days for
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