I'll be 30 next year, and I'm unmarried with no children. I'd spent my early career years in a field where that was an advantage (I moved intercity/internationally often). Right after uni I'd done a year in AmeriCorps that really planted the seeds of nursing in my head, and now I'm finally doing what I feel I should. But! Now that I've jumped in and started my pre-nursing track I've been absolutely shocked by the negativity I've been getting from nurses and nursing students I've met recently - due to my choice of lifestyle.
I was asked the other day by an RN family friend how I could possibly be thinking about going into nursing when I couldn't even be selfless enough to take care of a child. Couple of weeks ago I was even told that patients wouldn't trust me as much if they thought I "hated men and children" (!!!!), and that getting hired would be harder since "family life shows that you're a reliable, caring person". These are just a handful of negative opinions I've been served, and they're certainly jarring.
I'm hoping this kind of attitude is just due to the region I live in now. But it's making me feel truly awful. Is it that strange to find a single, childless person over 30 in nursing? And is there really that strong of a general impression that a single woman is an inadequate caregiver?
I was asked the other day by an RN family friend how I could possibly be thinking about going into nursing when I couldn't even be selfless enough to take care of a child. Couple of weeks ago I was even told that patients wouldn't trust me as much if they thought I "hated men and children" (!!!!), and that getting hired would be harder since "family life shows that you're a reliable, caring person". These are just a handful of negative opinions I've been served, and they're certainly jarring.
I'm hoping this kind of attitude is just due to the region I live in now. But it's making me feel truly awful. Is it that strange to find a single, childless person over 30 in nursing? And is there really that strong of a general impression that a single woman is an inadequate caregiver?
The attitudes you are encountering are ignorant and reprehensible. Simply not having a husband or kids does NOT mean you "hate" men and children. Moreover, there are MANY single, childless people in health care professions. Have any of your detractors heard of someone named Florence Nightingale?
Additionally, there are also many wonderful, caring nurses who happen to be homosexual. Unfortunately, there are far too many ignorant homophobes, even among health care professionals, and anyone who dares to be different will likely experience negative remarks. A gay friend from nursing school endured discrimination from instructors and snide insults and comments from fellow students. It's been over twenty years and I am still outraged about how he was treated by members of a so-called "caring" profession. Have heard similar stories from lesbian nurses and students. :angryfire
To the OP, it doesn't matter if you're straight, gay, bisexual or asexual. It doesn't matter if you're married or single and it certainly doesn't matter WHY you are single. You need to be happy with yourself and your lifestyle. Anyone who tries to make you doubt your ability to care, simply because of your single lifestyle, is completely out of line and is projecting his/her own insecurities onto you. Go out there, become an excellent nurse, and show your detractors they are WRONG.
I think this has less to do with nursing and more to do with being childless in general. People without children get flack for it all the time, and I will never understand why it's so offensive to other people when someone decides not to have kids. The comments about how not having children is selfish are among my favorites... they don't even make sense. Plenty of people have children for very selfish reasons, and plenty of people choose NOT to have children for SELFLESS reasons. In the end, it doesn't matter whether you were selfish or not, because it's an effing personal decision and no one else's business! Are you HURTING anyone by being single and childless? I think not. Meanwhile there are people all over the world making babies who will be abused, neglected, etc., but YOU'RE the selfish one.
If someone wants kids, has them, raises them in a great environment to be good people, then power to them. But it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Thank you, Fuzzywuzzy, for your eloquent statements. The decision not to have children can be one of the most mature, selfless decisions a person can make. Additionally, there are families that have fertility problems. Does that mean they're not "real" families if they have in-vitro, use a sperm or egg donor, adopt, or not have children at all? The stigma against childless couples is ridiculous. As you said so well, some people have children for selfish reasons and others don't take care of the children they have brought into the world. No one can make a blanket statement that someone with children is "caring" and without children is "selfish."
BTW, I have children and, ironically, I've had to put up with ignorant comments because I chose to leave nursing for several years to be a SAHM. "Oh, you'd be so much further ahead in your career if you would have worked all those years." Right. As a SAHM, I did no work---just sat on the couch, watched soaps and ate bon-bons all day. Whatever.
Specializes in trauma, ortho, burns, plastic surgery.
Hey dear you are not at all "atypical" as soon as you don't belive that you are atypical. People could be bad from 1001 of reasons. Why they do that ? Who knows, from envy, from sick pleasure to put others down and show up them how beuatifull and fullfilled dreams they are... how much nrses they could be instead you.
YOU ARE OK! You will be a great nurse as soon as you really want to be a nurse. Now I will laugh a little with you...if you don't know me you will know me now.... I am very sensitive to words typed... "hate men and hate children".... dear... my advice... stay balanced. How they know that you HATE????? LOL HATE is very very bad word. May be you don't want to have children or stay with them, or you have bad experinces and you really are not comfortable with men, or you has hurted before some how, or just don't like them ... but even then... you need to discover your self....
IF you really are like that???? Some time we women just we imagine who we are, intead of who we really are! Be carefull! Much more darling ...you need you! You will be a good nurse don't doubt one moment about it.....go for it, be yourself, open your heart be how you REALLY are BALANCED...are a lot of nursese outside and no one is atypical...are just NURSES! Good or bad but nurses.
The attitudes you are encountering are ignorant and reprehensible.
BTW, I have children and, ironically, I've had to put up with ignorant comments because I chose to leave nursing for several years to be a SAHM. "Oh, you'd be so much further ahead in your career if you would have worked all those years." Right. As a SAHM, I did no work---just sat on the couch, watched soaps and ate bon-bons all day. Whatever.
I was a SAHM with my older kids too - until the youngest was in 1st grade, 2nd oldest 6th grade and oldest 8th grade.
And I work very part time now with the 7 year old.
However, I sat on the couch watching soap operas and eating chips and salsa, NOT bon-bons. ;)
Personally, I could care less about what a person's lifestyle choice is ,has no bearing on the work performance whatsoever! Do the job well and other's could care less what you're choice in lifestyle is.
Dear OP, sounds as if your in a fundamentalist, early married, popped the babies out right quick and a grandmother at forty neck of the woods; let them suffer at their own expense, I say!!!!
Well gee golly! I didn't know we we're still in the 1950's! Tell that nurse not to fear since your just becoming a nurse so you can snag a doctor husband and have a few babies anyways. Tell her while she's at it she should keep on the look out for commies and announcements from the Eisenhower administration. Maybe we can just give you a little electroshock therapy or a lobotomy to fix your problem since apparently if you aren't married with kids by the time your thirty then your REALLY screwed up!
Its comments like what this nurse made that remind me how truly ignorant some people are in this world. You should let her know that if her nursing practice is as dated as her ideology then she has her own problems to worry about.
Your acquaintances and "friends" are ignorant, prejudiced jackasses. If giving birth makes you such an automatically wonderful loving, selfless, giving person, ask them why there are so many abused, neglected and mistreated children in this country.
They sound as though they are seething with jealousy and envy over your freedom and decision to follow your own life script instead of the one so many people automatically follow like sheep because "it's just what you're supposed to do".
Wow, so sorry you're dealing with such aweful comments! I'm about to turn 29, just finished my nursing pre-requs and will definately be past the 30 mark after finishing my RN. I have no kids, I'm not married (although I've been in a serious relationship for the past 2 years)
Here in the SF Bay Area no one questions my ability to be caring b/c I don't have kids (I have a cat that is practically my child, does that count?). However, most of my fellow nursing students act like I have this great advantage b/c I don't have kids. Somehow, because I don't have children, they act like I don't have to work as hard in school as the students who do have children (there are lots of single parents in my school too). This is also infuriating b/c I do work REALLY REALLY hard, juggling multiple jobs, school, and volunteering 6days/wk. It's aweful feeling like non of my classmates respect the work I put into this b/c "it's easy to get good grades without a family."
Do you ever wonder if some people just don't like seeing others succeeding at realizing their dreams? Like they just have to make some snide comment to bring you down? What's that all about?
Just stay true to your heart, and your goals. I'm sure you'll be a great RN!
Hmm...the vast majority of my patients know nothing about my marital or reproduction status...it's not like I walk in and say, "Hi! My name is zamboni, I'm a single parent with one grown child, and I'll be your nurse today." Really weird.
I agree with the general responses I've read here... what a load of crap! I am 35, an LVN, and will be graduating with my RN in December... I am unmarried, no kiddos, and one of the best nurses around!
Ya know... life has thrown me some curveballs and at least up to this point it just wasn't in the cards to be married and a mom... yet. In NO way does that make me any less of a nurse.. in fact I think it has NOTHING to do with the kind of nurse I am or am not. If anything I feel much more prepared now to be a nurse than if I had gone to nursing school when I was younger... I have more life experience now and maturity.
GEESH! I cannot believe that there are people around who think that would have anything at all to do with being a good nurse!
Hmm...the vast majority of my patients know nothing about my marital or reproduction status...it's not like I walk in and say, "Hi! My name is zamboni, I'm a single parent with one grown child, and I'll be your nurse today." Really weird.
And why would they care? You're right. It IS weird!
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Moogie
1 Article; 1,796 Posts
The attitudes you are encountering are ignorant and reprehensible. Simply not having a husband or kids does NOT mean you "hate" men and children. Moreover, there are MANY single, childless people in health care professions. Have any of your detractors heard of someone named Florence Nightingale?
Additionally, there are also many wonderful, caring nurses who happen to be homosexual. Unfortunately, there are far too many ignorant homophobes, even among health care professionals, and anyone who dares to be different will likely experience negative remarks. A gay friend from nursing school endured discrimination from instructors and snide insults and comments from fellow students. It's been over twenty years and I am still outraged about how he was treated by members of a so-called "caring" profession. Have heard similar stories from lesbian nurses and students. :angryfire
To the OP, it doesn't matter if you're straight, gay, bisexual or asexual. It doesn't matter if you're married or single and it certainly doesn't matter WHY you are single. You need to be happy with yourself and your lifestyle. Anyone who tries to make you doubt your ability to care, simply because of your single lifestyle, is completely out of line and is projecting his/her own insecurities onto you. Go out there, become an excellent nurse, and show your detractors they are WRONG.
Thank you, Fuzzywuzzy, for your eloquent statements. The decision not to have children can be one of the most mature, selfless decisions a person can make. Additionally, there are families that have fertility problems. Does that mean they're not "real" families if they have in-vitro, use a sperm or egg donor, adopt, or not have children at all? The stigma against childless couples is ridiculous. As you said so well, some people have children for selfish reasons and others don't take care of the children they have brought into the world. No one can make a blanket statement that someone with children is "caring" and without children is "selfish."
BTW, I have children and, ironically, I've had to put up with ignorant comments because I chose to leave nursing for several years to be a SAHM. "Oh, you'd be so much further ahead in your career if you would have worked all those years." Right. As a SAHM, I did no work---just sat on the couch, watched soaps and ate bon-bons all day. Whatever.