I am a hospice nurse. As you can imagine, religion and spirituality play a big part in the lives of many of my patients and families, and I try very hard to honor that. Oftentimes they will share their beliefs with me and nod respectfully and listen as part of therapeutic communication and supporting their process.
The other day I worked closely with a Christian family. They were playing religious music in the room all day. At times they would be praying when I went in, so I stepped out and let them finish. The patient had declined rapidly over my shift and I was closely supporting the family through that. As I was about to leave work I went in to say my goodbyes, and I said something like "It's been so nice to work with and serve such a beautiful family. You will be in my thoughts." Its a common thing for a hospice nurse to say. I was not coming back to this unit and would not see them again. The spouse then asked me, "Are you Christian?" I have never had anyone ask this before and it took me off-guard. I said I was close to God and very spiritual, but not church-going.
The thing is, I'm not Christian. And I was not sure how to answer this very personal question in a way that kept the focus on the patient, and protected my own personal spirituality and privacy without sounding rude. Any suggestions on a good way to answer this in the future?
It is pretty hard to avoid discussing religion when you have to tell coworkers and clients you cannot wish them Merry Christmas because of your religion.
I am curious, what is the concern of extending well wishes to someone who is celebrating their faith? What will happen to someone who does not share the same faith, if they wish someone a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or Happy Eid or Happy Diwali?
It is pretty hard to avoid discussing religion when you have to tell coworkers and clients you cannot wish them Merry Christmas because of your religion.
I am curious, what is the concern of extending well wishes to someone who is celebrating their faith? What will happen to someone who does not share the same faith, if they wish someone a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or Happy Eid or Happy Diwali?
I have one co-worker who celebrates Eid and I've wished her the last two years. She gets a big smile on her face and says thanks for remembering. :-) And if I know someone celebrates Christmas I'll ask them if they had a nice Christmas, etc. Happy New Year is always safe, too.
I say something similar to Julius above, or occasionally, flat out lie and change the subject. Or mention something vaguely about how I was raised Catholic and then change the subject. People ask me this ALL the time. It really bugs me that there are any number of patients/family members who seem to think I MUST be a Christian because I'm "so kind", as if Christians have a monopoly on kindness.
Or I try to turn the subject to their own beliefs/values. I know how to "talk the talk" so I probably do leave people with the impression that I'm a devout Christian.
There are so many people, especially in the midwestern town where I used to work, who feel it's their mission to proselytize to anyone they meet. And I mean I have specifically had people tell me they'd prayed that God would use their time in the hospital in order to bring others to Christ. Obfuscating about my own religious beliefs is the only way I really know to keep those people quiet, at least without seriously injuring the therapeutic nurse/patient relationship. There are too many responses that will simply make them double-down.
"Are you a Christian?"
"You know, I feel really lucky, I really find nursing is a way to be of service in this world. This is a great field to be in. Have you had a chance to visit with one of the chaplains here in the hospital?"
I know they think that's a "yes", but it isn't.
A couple of days ago I had a male patient who was going on about the spiritual community he's a part of and how he was missing the weekly "memory verse" and subsequent Bible lesson they did every week. I was pretty sure he was on the verge of asking me personal questions and inviting me to his church, so I said, "Why don't you tell me a memory verse?" while I shifted and starting taking his vital signs. "Ah, a true believer!" he said, and recited a verse, and then I told him what his vital signs were and we moved on. Later I read in his notes that he had been pushing the chaplain to come to his ministry.
The SCARIEST one I had (and most of these people are well-meaning and truly believe what they're saying, I understand that) was a patient that I couldn't shake. He really had some kind of power over people--I think he may have been a cult leader. I don't know if I have ever felt someone trying to pull me under his influence so hard. I took care of him for two days. The first day he asked me some penetrating questions, but nothing too out-there. The second day his wife was there and I realized later, he had asked her to come specifically to meet me. She looked/acted/dressed like the mother of the Duggar family. They both started asking me a lot of questions about my life and my beliefs, which I tried not to answer as above, but just couldn't manage to get out of it. (I know that sounds crazy. Picture Charles Manson eyes.) Eventually they told me that they felt I was called to be their son's wife.
!!!!!
(I don't remember what I said, but I remember being firm... something like "no, I am not planning to get married. Of course NOW I can think of plenty of better responses.)
I told the charge nurse I didn't want to be assigned to him the next day and suggested they give him to one of the older ladies. The son came that day and a few more things became clear. He was much younger than me, but people always guessed I was about ten years younger than I was. And based on what I observed from a distance, I thought he was probably on the autism spectrum. High-functioning but extremely socially awkward, might struggle to find a wife in his church community, parents knew he would need a wife who could support him. They met me and decided I was it.
I have chills just remembering it.
Also, I remember in his chaplain notes... the chaplain, a Catholic priest, asked the patient if he (the chaplain) could pray for the patient, and the patient said "No, but I will pray for you, brother."
How do you guys deal with your coworkers about this topic?
I was recently at work on a Sunday when one co-worker who was missing her church service was playing it live on her ipad. It was in the nurse station room where patients would not hear it, but I got to. She assumed that we all would enjoy it, I guess, or just didn't care. The content was not offensive, but I still did not appreciate being subjected to a church service without asking if I minded.
I do not talk at all about my personal beliefs at work. I am not mainstream to this culture. I appreciate the importance of religion and spirituality in peoples' lives, but it's a very personal topic to me. Because I'm not of a mainstream belief, I know people would misunderstand my faith, so I don't share. I had a patient who shared my faith and the nurses were judging this patient behind his back. That was enough for me to forever stay quiet about my faith at work.
It is pretty hard to avoid discussing religion when you have to tell coworkers and clients you cannot wish them Merry Christmas because of your religion.
Why can't you? I work with some Jewish physicians and they all wish us Merry Christmas. I wish them Happy Hanukkah. Not a big deal. To the Muslims I work with I wish them a Happy Eid, and Happy Ramadan.
Hospice is unique in that we are put more into this kind of situation due to end of life and how hard that is for folks.
Recently I had an odd experience during a call for a patient death - the son was a "Messianic Hebrew" and was oddly strident to his mom about how she should feel regarding her husband/his father's death. We sat at the kitchen table talking and he went into why he wasn't a Christian and didn't believe in Grace . . . I felt some concern about how the poor woman, who was in shock, was being treated. This info was passed on to our Social Worker and Chaplain - could be some complicated grief issues there.
I had an eye-opening experience with a Native American family - their death rituals are beautiful. We have a large Native American population here.
Personally, I like learning about other cultures/religions/spirituality and the only thing I don't like is when it is forced on me or another person, as in prosylitizing.
I would never play a sermon in the break room and subject my co-workers to that.
I don't ever think it's polite to ask someone's religion unless its pertinent to some aspect of their care.If someone is going to come out and ask me what my religion is I usually just say I'm not religious. Some people tend to have negative feelings about the "A" word (atheist). I've had families and a co-worker ask me if I'm Christian because of the care I provide for my patients. No, I'm a caring compassionate nurse because that's who I am.
Specializes in Float Pool - A Little Bit of Everything.
I think your answer of being very spiritual was appropriate. Maybe I'm a spiritual person and I'm glad your wife has found peace through her beliefs in prayer. This was it brings the focus back to the patient.
Why can't you? I work with some Jewish physicians and they all wish us Merry Christmas. I wish them Happy Hanukkah. Not a big deal. To the Muslims I work with I wish them a Happy Eid, and Happy Ramadan.
Same. The Jewish docs at work always wish us a Merry Christmas, and I always take a moment to wish my Jewish friends Shana Tovah....and my Muslim friends get a Ramadan Mubarak. And so on. Just because I don't celebrate doesn't mean I don't want others to celebrate what's meaningful to them. It's called being a decent human.
What if based on your appearance or name, people already know your faith or background. I want to respect my colleague's faith and point of views, but I don't want to be viewed as secreti
Also ' since random people's Facebook pages and google can already misinterpret and misguide certain sensitive issues '
I think work place matters and it is important to feel a sense of belonging and be part of the team.
dishes, BSN, RN
3,950 Posts
I am curious, what is the concern of extending well wishes to someone who is celebrating their faith? What will happen to someone who does not share the same faith, if they wish someone a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or Happy Eid or Happy Diwali?