Questions about male/female tension in the nursing environment

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Aug 25, 2003

I haven't had a problem with that, but it could be just me...:)

NICU_Nurse, BSN, RN · Aug 25, 2003

There was a male nurse who was very flirtatious with all of the pretty, young, single nurses on my unit. Some of the girls ignored him- he had a tendency to stand very close to those he particularly liked, and he flirted with them all of the time- mostly innocent flirting, but it was sometimes at inappropriate times (like over the bed while they were trying to intervene with a baby who was going downhill). I truly think he didn't realize how uncomfortable he was making his co-workers, and many of the nurses who were the object of his attention were extremely friendly, polite people who had no idea how to tell him to basically back off. He took this as a signal to continue flirting with them, and not just verbally- smiling, winking, touching their arm, etc. He ended up being accused of sexual harassment by one of the nurses who felt that he was relentless about it (he'd thought that they were "friends" and had made some very tasteless sexually-related jokes that were in fact very funny, but had no place being told on the unit). It turned into a HUGE mess for him and he never quite lived it down. Not only that, but the nurses that he DIDN'T flirt with saw quickly what type of person he was, and that he was "nicer" to those he thought were attractive or that he was attracted to, and these nurses basically shunned him because the fact is that you are at work to WORK and such behavior can be tremendously inappropriate when you are attempting to save lives.

It's a very fine line when you're working in a professional environment and in a job as serious as nursing- IMO, sexual tension needs to be eliminated as much as possible so that all parties can do their jobs without distraction. If you're attracted to someone at work, you need to move that out of the work place ASAP or you risk losing the respect of all of your co-workers and possibly doing something that could be misinterpreted by the person you're dealing with.

I have a friend who claimed that she was harassed by a male co-worker in the ER because every day he would greet her by putting his arm around her waist and telling her how glad he was to see her. Now, I'm not judging- this girl is my friend and I trust that if she felt she was being harassed, then she was. However, this man could have been completely innocent and only meant the best and even could have truly enjoyed her company and been sincerely happy to see her every day that they worked together. That's all fine, but couple that with the frequency of it and the fact that he was touching her every morning and the fact that it made her uncomfortable and you've got a mess waiting to happen.

And finally, I have known couples who met at work; some have dated, some have gotten married, but all of them took it out of the hospital and expressed their male/female tension at home rather than on the unit, which, IMO, is the only way to do it properly.

At a hospital you have to trust your team mates, and being ogled by someone, whether they think you're smart or not, does not breed trust. At least, not in a female-dominated profession like nursing. Women may be more passive than men in many ways, but that doesn't mean they don't know when someone is trying to peek down their scrub top as they lean over the bed, know what I'm saying? Girls talk, and whether you're privy to it or not depends on them, but trust me, they know and they DO discuss it. At length.

agent · Aug 25, 2003

I'm a guy and I wouldn't think of acting that way towards even the hottest chick at work..

its just completely inappropriate. If you both feel there is some chemistry, save it for after work.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Aug 25, 2003

(chick?)

We have one male on our floor. Very professional, never out of line, etc.

purplemania, BSN, RN · Aug 25, 2003

I don't know why nurses are any different than other workers in this regard. Males and females should all treat one another with respect. I have not had any problems.

agent · Aug 25, 2003

RE: chick

I was trying to be 'down' with the male lingo

Coldfoot · Aug 25, 2003

Mr_D, as a male working in the ER I've always been outnumbered. Yes, you will work with a lot of attractive and intelligent people, both men and women. It's like anything in life though; people bring their personal biases and judgements with them. It's just a matter of acting professional. I've seen several sides of the issue you bring up with men being discriminated against by "Man Haters" (not my words) and I've seen women on the receiving end from "Male Chauvinist Pigs" (SAA). My wife and I met while working together and have worked in the same ER on occasion. We have never had problems, except I was once accused of being an A##%)@ because at work I actively avoided situations that put us together. I think it goes back to the most basic concepts, put forth what you want to receive.

My 2 Cents

wrightgd · Aug 25, 2003

Like others have said, nursing is no different that any other part of life... Treat those around you with respect.

When in school, focus on learning. When at work, focus on getting your work done. If you are concerned that you will be distracted by the gender of your classmates or co-workers, then you may need to do some carefull consideration about your career path.

Just my $0.02

huckfinn · Aug 25, 2003

Good words wrightgd!

My policy has always been...Don't "screw around" with those you work/school with. It keeps everything fresh and happy at work. Never an uncomfortable shift with sexual tension. Was my policy when single for 3 years thru school and 3 when new on the unit. Always worked great and still does after being married 15yrs and in the same job/unit for almost 19 yrs.

hbscott · Aug 25, 2003

Let's start by defining "sexual tension" as including "thoughts, fantasies, and behaviors driven by sexual pleasure and gratification."

Then let us assume that this phenomenon is not unique to nursing.

Maintaining professional relationships in the work environment is essential to maintaining good order and discipline.

So why would preparing to be a nurse be any different to any other profession in this regard?

"Sexual Tension" exists in all professions. There are some who mange it well and there are some who don't.

Why is the nursing profession stereotyped in such a negative light in regards to sexual innuendo seems to be the real question here.

-HBS

Mr_D · Aug 25, 2003

NICU-Nurse,

Thanks so much for responding so thoughtfully. My original post had to go through several revisions, may have turned off a few. I am receiving what I asked for: lessons for decorum concerning this topic. Obviously it's not limited to nursing environment but to internet bbs as well.

If you're attracted to someone at work, you need to move that out of the work place ASAP or you risk losing the respect of all of your co-workers

Certainly that would be losing quite a bit. I can't see how anyone could get very far in nursing if they lose the respect of co-workers.

At a hospital you have to trust your team mates, and being ogled by someone, whether they think you're smart or not, does not breed trust.

. . . but that doesn't mean they don't know when someone is trying to peek down their scrub top as they lean over the bed, know what I'm saying? Girls ... DO discuss it. At length.

Like I said before, I am professional and have worked in professional settings all my life. I definately know the boundries of touchy/feely, jokes, relationships, etc. in a work setting.

However, I have been guilty of sneaking a peak. I think this is the area I'm find myself having to work with the most. It wasn't til recently that women friends told me that it can be fairly obvious. I was mortified! (Why couldn't I've learn that 20 years ago!) So now I'm learning the mannerly art of pretending I don't see anything past the neckline. Thing is I don't like the pretending part either. I'd looking to the day where it doesn't really matter one way or another. Like I said in an earlier version of this post, my male piggish qualities are a burden to me.

I have always been somewhat challenged around women, especially those I find attractive. The scary part about this career move is I'm going to have to take this on, resulting in not being so overdetermined by... the presence of women.

The last thing I want is be tormented by this nor alienate my classmates/co-workers. One of the big reasons I am considering nursing is the co-worker cameradie.

Thanks again for your thoughtful post.