How many nursing students past and present were victims of verbal abuse? You do not need to go into details, but I just wanted to know if this played into your feelings of if you would succeed. I was a victim of verbal abuse, and I find myself still struggling with the constant questions and doubts of if I will succeed and am I smart enough. Please tell me how you over come this or does it just take time to stop doubting yourself?
I know I should not doubt myself. I mean after all I am in nursing school. I would not have been accepted if I was not competent enough right?
I take great comfort in knowing that I have broken the cycle of abuse. I am a mother of 3, and my children are growing up in a loving, supportive, safe home. I had the power to break the ugly cycle when I became a parent, and that is what I have done. I still take my antidepressant medication (Prozac has worked wonders), and I get a great amount of comfort and peace from my faith in God. The man I am married to is the complete opposite of my father, and I am so grateful that my children have a kind dad. I am not a perfect parent, but I do know how NOT to parent, and that is invaluable.
My abuse is by the mouth and ways of the ex-husband. It still haunts me daily and I've improved some but there are days when it comes back like a tsunami wave. Days when clinical's go horrible I can hear in my mind stupid, idiot, fat a$$, all the lovely things that made him feel like a big man and me like the rug at the front door. I am only in my first semester but the past couple of days I have just been letting those words own me. I've made an appt to see my dr about possible antidepressant meds or something to help with it, but I don't wanna feel drugged. I keep telling myself I can do this and maybe after I get through this first semester the snide remarks that haunt me will go away for a while. No one should ever have to suffer and be called names and put down by others. I don't care if they are 800lbs with yellow and orange stripes. In my opinion verbal abuse is the hardest abuse to overcome; aside from the physical they may enforce on you at the same time. Whomever said sticks and stones by break by bones but words will never hurt me needs to be evaluated. I am so sorry for everyone that has had to go through it! (((hugs))) To the ones that are thriving keep setting a good example for the me and whomever else that may need it!
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
I've made an appt to see my dr about possible antidepressant meds or something to help with it, but I don't wanna feel drugged.
You might not need to take drugs. I was under the care of a psychiatrist and a psychologist when receiving psychotherapy and didn't take prescription medications. Psychotherapy is about using effectual techniques to change the distorted thought patterns that arise after having had your soul verbally assaulted for so many years. It is about reclaiming your life.
You might not need to take drugs. I was under the care of a psychiatrist and a psychologist when receiving psychotherapy and didn't take prescription medications. Psychotherapy is about using effectual techniques to change the distorted thought patterns that arise after having had your soul verbally assaulted for so many years. It is about reclaiming your life.
OP: But even if you DO have to take meds? If you were a diabetic you would take insulin. If you are truly depressed and anxious over this, an antidepressant can help. They don't make you feel "drugged". Some people who are abused almost have PTSD like responses. The feelings coming over you in waves, now when he is an EX husband, sounds a lot like that.
I'm not a doctor, but I have been there, where you are. Seek help, whether it is your MD, psychotherapy or a support group. Best of luck.
Verbal abuse from father. Would tell me daily how ugly and fat I am. Everything was always my fault. Still tries to do this but I avoid him now. I tried therapy and it helped some but I think this leaves lasting emotional scars on you. It affects your ability to work. It's probably why I am a doormat at work because I do everything in my power to have people's approval.
I've been on the receiving end of verbal abuse and it is not fun, to say the least.
Honestly, I had to reprogram my mind. Every time I thought, "I am stupid," "Why did I think I could do this?", or "What is WRONG with me?", I would whisper "STOP" out loud and rephrase the though. "This task is difficult, it will be so amazing when I finish." "This upcoming test is going to be tough, it will be amazing when I pass."
I also praised myself when I did something right or well. "Excellent job!"
Stuff like that.
I would recommend that, in addition to the psychiatrist, you see a therapist to help you change your mindset. You are like a computer that had some bad code programmed in, and it's time for new code.
OP, there is nothing wrong with taking meds for the depression. I do. I don't feel drugged at all. One time I forgot to get it refilled and on the 5th day without that medication, I was a mess. Crying, depressed, yelling, frustrated with everything. It has everything to do with my ex-husband. He used to do spot checks on me during the day. If he pulled up to the house and I wasn't cleaning, I got screamed at. I was told how incredibly lazy I was. Mind you, he had clean clothes every day, dinner on the table every night, and a pretty clean house to boot. Was I perfect? No. But when someone beats down on you all the time, you kind of spiral into a large hole. It was hard to climb out of. Very hard.
There are days when I hear his voice. He told me couple of weeks ago when he came to pick up our son that the only reason why I made it this far in school is because I have to. I have to have a career now and go back to work since I divorced him. He sat there and said if I was still married to him I would never have even come this far with school. So, to this day he still tries this crap on me. He tries to ruin any relationship I have. I have finally found someone who is also strong and has basically told him to shut up and stay out of our lives. That he loves me and there is nothing my ex can do about it. My boyfriend is great and he is so understanding that I can be insecure at times but it is something we are working on together.
I have to deal with my ex for 9 more years because of our son. I look forward to the day I never have to speak to him again. Where he can't get his digs in on me or try to mess with my mind. Because that is the worst and hardest thing to get away from. The mind games. We separated in August of 2013 and our divorce was final in January of 2014. It's been a long road and not everyday is great. But I look at what I will have in the end. A college degree, and a job that I will love. Me being happy is the best revenge. Don't ever let him see you sweat and be happy. He wants you miserable. Don't be. That, is the sweetest revenge of all.
Have you ever discussed this abusive behavior with the instructor? I assume you are paying a lot of money for this education in nursing not abuse. She needs to be held accountable by some higher up. Do you have a preceptor? If so he, she might be able to help you with this problem. I am sorry you are having this problem.
My abuse is by the mouth and ways of the ex-husband. It still haunts me daily and I've improved some but there are days when it comes back like a tsunami wave. Days when clinical's go horrible I can hear in my mind stupid, idiot, fat a$$, all the lovely things that made him feel like a big man and me like the rug at the front door. I am only in my first semester but the past couple of days I have just been letting those words own me. I've made an appt to see my dr about possible antidepressant meds or something to help with it, but I don't wanna feel drugged. I keep telling myself I can do this and maybe after I get through this first semester the snide remarks that haunt me will go away for a while. No one should ever have to suffer and be called names and put down by others. I don't care if they are 800lbs with yellow and orange stripes. In my opinion verbal abuse is the hardest abuse to overcome; aside from the physical they may enforce on you at the same time. Whomever said sticks and stones by break by bones but words will never hurt me needs to be evaluated. I am so sorry for everyone that has had to go through it! (((hugs))) To the ones that are thriving keep setting a good example for the me and whomever else that may need it!
Please please please for the sake of your own head, your children if you have any, and ALL your future relationships both personal and professional, ask the social worker or your primary care provider or the psych nursing faculty or or the local women's shelter to recommend you a good counselor with expertise in abusive relationships (they specialize the same way any professional does, and that's who you want).
I originally divorced my first husband because I didn't want my children to see that it was an OK way to treat a woman or an OK way to be treated in a relationship. It wasn't too long before I discovered that leaving him wasn't doing me a damn bit of harm, either. Many people, especially caregiving types like nurses, will do something for someone else's sake and then discover it's good for them too. Be one of those.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Have you ever discussed this abusive behavior with the instructor? I assume you are paying a lot of money for this education in nursing not abuse. She needs to be held accountable by some higher up. Do you have a preceptor? If so he, she might be able to help you with this problem. I am sorry you are having this problem.
While this advice is nice, the OP's verbal abuse is not coming from an instructor or anyone at her school. She's referring to the detrimental effects of previous verbal abuse from former husband that have ripped her self-confidence into shreds.
A quick glance at the replies to this discussion would have revealed this information.
Prior to my taking an antidepressant, I would have those "tsunami" moments, where a flashback from 20 years earlier would paralyze me. I cried often, sometimes completely out of the blue, and I'd break down and start sobbing, because it was just so, so wrong the way I'd been treated. My dad was supposed to take care of me, not take his anger out on me. I began taking Prozac in 2003, at age 25, and I felt better almost immediately. I no longer was tortured by my father's furious voice. I also noticed that I was no longer dwelling on the painful memories. The medication helps me lead a normal, healthy life, be a loving mother, and an effective, stable nurse. I don't want to go back to life without it.
fawnmarie, ASN
284 Posts
I take great comfort in knowing that I have broken the cycle of abuse. I am a mother of 3, and my children are growing up in a loving, supportive, safe home. I had the power to break the ugly cycle when I became a parent, and that is what I have done. I still take my antidepressant medication (Prozac has worked wonders), and I get a great amount of comfort and peace from my faith in God. The man I am married to is the complete opposite of my father, and I am so grateful that my children have a kind dad. I am not a perfect parent, but I do know how NOT to parent, and that is invaluable.