How many nursing students past and present were victims of verbal abuse? You do not need to go into details, but I just wanted to know if this played into your feelings of if you would succeed. I was a victim of verbal abuse, and I find myself still struggling with the constant questions and doubts of if I will succeed and am I smart enough. Please tell me how you over come this or does it just take time to stop doubting yourself?
I know I should not doubt myself. I mean after all I am in nursing school. I would not have been accepted if I was not competent enough right?
@StudentNurse_TN - I'm a nursing student right now as well, and have been verbally abused as a child by my parents. It's hard to keep them in my life as they downplay and will not own up to the things they said, and how they made me feel when I was so young, and the things they exposed me to. So I mostly just talk to them on the phone occasionally, people think I'm selfish for it but I need to protect myself and grow without them because I feel as though they have stunted my growth. It's hard for most people to understand. They belittled me because they we belittled but it's hard to get through to them, no one wants to admit they were a bad parent. Now I have to learn how to erase the programming on my own, and that's solely up to me. Everything I do I feel as though I'm going to fail, I'm highly anxious and constantly wait for the other shoe to drop. Every test I take I feel as though I did horrible even though I do fairly well (it annoys the hell out of my classmates, but they don't get it), I sometimes dread going to clinical not because I hate it but because I'm afraid I will mess up. It's a deep rooted fear. I constantly think I'm not good enough for anything, and people look at me like I'm crazy. I've jumped from bad relationship to bad relationship. I will walk into a party I've been invited to and feel as no one likes me and I don't belong. I will walk into clinical thinking the instructor hates me and must think horribly of me just as my parents did. It so deep rooted that when I do this I mostly don't even realize this. I resent people who are confident because I am so lacking. Building confidence will come with time, some of people developed it at a young age with supportive parents, others, like us will have to develop it in adulthood, it just means not giving up. Do not give up. Catch yourself when you have these negative thoughts and understand where they are coming, and then let them go. The more you do this, the easier it will become. Make more decisions for yourself, I find it impossible to make my own decisions at times because I don't trust myself, because I was always told I was wrong and no one ever listened to me being the youngest. So practice on small stuff, like where to go to eat with friends, and maybe you will develop the skill. Be the parent to yourself that yours failed to be. Think one day when you have your own family, you don't want to repeat the cycle, so you have to work harder than most, to erase this programming that was ingrained into you as a child. I am working on it too, and many others have come through it. you are not alone.
Sorry I realized the OP's situation was about he ex-husband but what I said still applies to your situation on a lot of levels. It hurts when it coming from someone you cared about. Be a better partner to yourself that he failed to be. And shield yourself from other toxic personalities. Therapy has helped me quite a bit, it has made me understand why I'm attracted to emotionally stunted men, I know it's hard to start believing in yourself when all you know is doubt so it's important to take baby steps.
It didn't affect my confidence in nursing school mainly because I stopped talking to my father when I turned 18. My life improved significantly once I did that. And, actually, I think one of the reasons I've been so successful is because I was determined to not end up in the same situation as my mother- stuck in a loveless, abusive marriage for 18 years. My mother couldn't leave because she had stopped working to stay home with us and couldn't afford to have us alone. That, and the thought of having to share custody and send three young children to stay with an abusive father for a weekend was terrifying to her. As it was, she filed for divorce only days after my youngest brother's 12th birthday. In my state, 12 is the age that children can choose which parent they want to live with.
ash1111
8 Posts
@StudentNurse_TN - I'm a nursing student right now as well, and have been verbally abused as a child by my parents. It's hard to keep them in my life as they downplay and will not own up to the things they said, and how they made me feel when I was so young, and the things they exposed me to. So I mostly just talk to them on the phone occasionally, people think I'm selfish for it but I need to protect myself and grow without them because I feel as though they have stunted my growth. It's hard for most people to understand. They belittled me because they we belittled but it's hard to get through to them, no one wants to admit they were a bad parent. Now I have to learn how to erase the programming on my own, and that's solely up to me. Everything I do I feel as though I'm going to fail, I'm highly anxious and constantly wait for the other shoe to drop. Every test I take I feel as though I did horrible even though I do fairly well (it annoys the hell out of my classmates, but they don't get it), I sometimes dread going to clinical not because I hate it but because I'm afraid I will mess up. It's a deep rooted fear. I constantly think I'm not good enough for anything, and people look at me like I'm crazy. I've jumped from bad relationship to bad relationship. I will walk into a party I've been invited to and feel as no one likes me and I don't belong. I will walk into clinical thinking the instructor hates me and must think horribly of me just as my parents did. It so deep rooted that when I do this I mostly don't even realize this. I resent people who are confident because I am so lacking. Building confidence will come with time, some of people developed it at a young age with supportive parents, others, like us will have to develop it in adulthood, it just means not giving up. Do not give up. Catch yourself when you have these negative thoughts and understand where they are coming, and then let them go. The more you do this, the easier it will become. Make more decisions for yourself, I find it impossible to make my own decisions at times because I don't trust myself, because I was always told I was wrong and no one ever listened to me being the youngest. So practice on small stuff, like where to go to eat with friends, and maybe you will develop the skill. Be the parent to yourself that yours failed to be. Think one day when you have your own family, you don't want to repeat the cycle, so you have to work harder than most, to erase this programming that was ingrained into you as a child. I am working on it too, and many others have come through it. you are not alone.
Sorry I realized the OP's situation was about he ex-husband but what I said still applies to your situation on a lot of levels. It hurts when it coming from someone you cared about. Be a better partner to yourself that he failed to be. And shield yourself from other toxic personalities. Therapy has helped me quite a bit, it has made me understand why I'm attracted to emotionally stunted men, I know it's hard to start believing in yourself when all you know is doubt so it's important to take baby steps.