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@StudentNurse_TN - I'm a nursing student right now as well, and have been verbally abused as a child by my parents. It's hard to keep them in my life as they downplay and will not own up to the things they said, and how they made me feel when I was so young, and the things they exposed me to. So I mostly just talk to them on the phone occasionally, people think I'm selfish for it but I need to protect myself and grow without them because I feel as though they have stunted my growth. It's hard for most people to understand. They belittled me because they we belittled but it's hard to get through to them, no one wants to admit they were a bad parent. Now I have to learn how to erase the programming on my own, and that's solely up to me. Everything I do I feel as though I'm going to fail, I'm highly anxious and constantly wait for the other shoe to drop. Every test I take I feel as though I did horrible even though I do fairly well (it annoys the hell out of my classmates, but they don't get it), I sometimes dread going to clinical not because I hate it but because I'm afraid I will mess up. It's a deep rooted fear. I constantly think I'm not good enough for anything, and people look at me like I'm crazy. I've jumped from bad relationship to bad relationship. I will walk into a party I've been invited to and feel as no one likes me and I don't belong. I will walk into clinical thinking the instructor hates me and must think horribly of me just as my parents did. It so deep rooted that when I do this I mostly don't even realize this. I resent people who are confident because I am so lacking. Building confidence will come with time, some of people developed it at a young age with supportive parents, others, like us will have to develop it in adulthood, it just means not giving up. Do not give up. Catch yourself when you have these negative thoughts and understand where they are coming, and then let them go. The more you do this, the easier it will become. Make more decisions for yourself, I find it impossible to make my own decisions at times because I don't trust myself, because I was always told I was wrong and no one ever listened to me being the youngest. So practice on small stuff, like where to go to eat with friends, and maybe you will develop the skill. Be the parent to yourself that yours failed to be. Think one day when you have your own family, you don't want to repeat the cycle, so you have to work harder than most, to erase this programming that was ingrained into you as a child. I am working on it too, and many others have come through it. you are not alone. Sorry I realized the OP's situation was about he ex-husband but what I said still applies to your situation on a lot of levels. It hurts when it coming from someone you cared about. Be a better partner to yourself that he failed to be. And shield yourself from other toxic personalities. Therapy has helped me quite a bit, it has made me understand why I'm attracted to emotionally stunted men, I know it's hard to start believing in yourself when all you know is doubt so it's important to take baby steps.

loriangel14- I don't mind working in LTC for a while but I just was curious to know the steps I need to take for later on, so at least I get there eventually even if it takes longer than i thought.

xokw- i mean this certificate, GBC - Continuing Education - Maternal-Newborn Nursing Certificate

Joanna73- Thank you, this helps me prepare if I can't get into the field i want, maybe I'll look outside of toronto if that's an option for me when the time comes.

fiona59- Hi there, no that's not the only reason. I have genuine interest in the field. If it is just as physically demanding I'm willing to work with that as I am actually interested in the field. I guess the best I can do is at least try, who knows maybe I will get lucky. It sounds extremely difficult from what you telling me but this is what I want so I guess I'll have to figure something out. But thank you for your honesty, at least now I can prepare.

I'm just wondering because my first clinical is in ltc, which I don't mind right now but I'm wondering how and if I can do other things. I'm feeling ltc will be too physically demanding for me in the long run and I do want to start a family eventually and not be burnt out.

Thank you for your responses. I was more interested in the prenatal aspect, taking care of/educating pregnant women, maybe working in a fertility clinic, or postpartum care, and not in L&D itself. is that called something else or is that within the obstetrics field? Is it a different certification?

Hi there, I'm currently in the RPN program, and was curious about my options when I graduate. I'm interested in Obstetrics/perinatal when researching my options, it seems something I would be suited towards. How likely is it for a new grade to get a job in that field? even after I do a certification? Is it common for Rpn's to work in that field in general? Would it be impossible to find a job? I live in Ontario if that helps and plan to work in the city of Toronto. Thanks I would appreciate any help!:)