Please Tell Me What You Think

[brown eyed girl]

I sent this to two employers that are advertising the same positions but have two different email addresses that DONT provide the names of the companies. Please be honest in what you think if you were the one doing the call backs and hiring. I want to know what I should change in the future or what I should add so I don't keep making the same mistakes. Im trying not to sound confrontational or desperate. I just want to show that Im genuinely interested in the position. Thanks to all who post a response.

Hello,

My name is ___________ and I am a LPN. I will be relocating to the Atlanta by the middle of July. I am wondering if your organization is an agency or a particular facility because in your ad in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, it doesn't state the name of the company, a direct contact name, or a contact number. I have chosen to email you a letter of interest instead of a resume because I want to know the name of the company and who is the nursing recruiter plus I want to avoid my resume being lost in the shuffle of he many candidates that may be applying for the positions. I am highly interested in working in corrections and I wish to speak to someone directly.

If this is an agency, how many positions are currently available for corrections, how often do the nurses get cancelled, and what kind of training do you provide your nurses to work in this particular setting? If this is a correctional facility, how many positions are still available and if considered for employment, how long will it be before a new hire training course will begin?

Please allow me to tell you a little about myself. I am a new grad with 7 years experience in the healthcare field, working as a nurse assistant providing direct care to the geriatric population. I currently possess certifications in intravenous therapy, first aid, and CPR. I want to start my nursing career off in a setting that will provide me a wealth of experience without working on a set unit so that I don't experience professional boredom and burnout; and I am aware that corrections can provide such an opportunity which makes the field of corrections a perfect fit for me.

As an organization, I am sure that you are looking for candidates that can and will provide non-biased nursing care to the patients' that you serve; to see them as patients first and offenders second, plus I imagine that you are looking for a potiential employee who will be loyal to your organization and with me, that's what you will receive in return.

Because of my inability to call you to follow up and confirm that you have received and read my letter of interest, please contact me either by phone at___________ or by email at___________. Thank you for taking the time out to read my letter and I hope to hear from you soon!

Respectfully,

T.C.

[Pupnshnooter]

Hi!

As someone in Human Resources (I promise not to try and recruit anyone!!!) I find your letter very long winded. I would rather see a short letter of interest in regards to the open position along with a resume. This will spark interest in someone calling you rather than trying to email you back a bunch of answers.

This is just my humble opinion.:paw:

[Jolie, BSN]

Blind ads are not uncommon in healthcare (outside of hospital jobs). I think most recruiters would prefer that you respond in the manner indicated by the ad. Some of the questions you ask in your letter (especially about being cancelled) are not appropriate to broach so early in the application process, and should be discussed at an interview.

[carolinapooh, BSN, RN]

I would say something like this:

I am writing in response to your ad placed in NAME OF PAPER on GIVE DATE OF EDITION YOU READ THE AD IN. I am an LPN who will be relocating to the metropolitan Atlanta area by July 23, 2006 (personally I think ‘mid-July’ is a bit vague; give as concrete a date as possible). I am quite interested in the opportunities you present in your advertisement. (Insert two, maybe three, brief but complementary sentences regarding yourself. Blow your own horn here; find statements that really present you well.) I have much experience and enthusiasm that I could bring to the positions you advertise (work on this sentence, but something like that).

Please feel free to contact me at (insert contact info, address/phone/email). I look forward to hearing from you to further discuss my suitablity for your advertised positions (something similar to that).

Thank you for your time.

Name, LPN

I’ve worked in HR, and quite honestly, most often letters that long are dumped before the person even finishes reading them. It’s unfair, but it is true. Folks, feel free to edit away on my little blurb here. :)

[brown eyed girl]

Ive only worked as a nurse assistant so the job duties are in my opinion are redundant and unflattering. I was a good aide if I say so myself but I dont know how to "toot my own horn." I have only worked a couple of times as a nurse, that's it. I just dont know how to get the attention of the hiring people. This is way more difficult than when I was applying for jobs as a cna.

[Pupnshnooter]

carolinapooh,:yeahthat:

That is a great letter. I agree, by giving a specific date of relocation or a specific time when you will be visiting the area will better help the organization figure out when an interview can take place.

I also agree that long letters asking too many questions can be a turn off to the hiring manager or recruiter. The types of questions presented here need to be asked at an interview.

I must tell you that I receive about 25 calls a day from individuals looking for an opportunity. On top of that there are 3x as many emails. We honestly don't have much time to read long letters. The more short and precise they are, the better it is.

Best of luck.

[Jupiter Crash]

short, straight to the point, letters usually do the trick in obtaining people's attention.

[brown eyed girl]

Please Give Me An Example

[mad9]

Please Give Me An Example

Hi Brown Eyed Girl,

The format used by Carolinapooh is short, sweet to the point and full of tips for you to insert your own information. I'd suggest that one.

Microsoft Word has software programs that have templates for cover letters to accompany your resume.

I believe that long winded letters are usually disregarded in favor of those that to the point and easy to peruse.

[EricJRN, MSN, RN]

Here's the thing: There's a fairly distinct tone to your letter that shows you're pretty annoyed with the blind ad thing. I would try not to let that show at such an early stage, or else I just wouldn't apply. I'd be afraid that, even if they did call you for an interview, you're already getting off to kind of a negative start with them.

Those kinds of ads make me suspicious as well, but I just don't respond to them. So far, my two full-time jobs in healthcare (one nursing, one non-nursing) have both been with large hospitals who don't use that type of advertising, so I haven't been faced with the situation of an attractive-looking offer advertised in that form.

[luvmy3kids]

Yep... I agree. It does seem like you come off a bit condescending in your letter. I like Caralinapooh's letter. Short and right to the point. By the time I got to your 3rd sentence or so, I was starting to skim and skip down a few paragraphs.

You also had a couple of grammatical errors as well as run-on sentences. They make it kind of difficult to read.

(I hope I don't sound mean, I'm trying to be constructive :icon_hug:

Good luck!

[kukukajoo, LPN]

I work for a home health company and we place many blind ads. When I get a response like that, it puts up a red flag that this person may be demanding or difficult to work with and generally avoid them at all costs. Having several years in the HR field I offer these tips- when you respond, offer enthusiam, and positivity. If it gets to the interview stage focus on the positive and what you can offer the prospective employer. If you have hated things about prior jobs, do not focus on that or bad-mouth the previous places as they will assume you will do the same for them in the future.

I like the alternative greeting much better and yes, shorter is sweeter for someone who is reviewing a million responses.