Please Tell Me What You Think

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I sent this to two employers that are advertising the same positions but have two different email addresses that DONT provide the names of the companies. Please be honest in what you think if you were the one doing the call backs and hiring. I want to know what I should change in the future or what I should add so I don't keep making the same mistakes. Im trying not to sound confrontational or desperate. I just want to show that Im genuinely interested in the position. Thanks to all who post a response.

Hello,

My name is ___________ and I am a LPN. I will be relocating to the Atlanta by the middle of July. I am wondering if your organization is an agency or a particular facility because in your ad in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, it doesn't state the name of the company, a direct contact name, or a contact number. I have chosen to email you a letter of interest instead of a resume because I want to know the name of the company and who is the nursing recruiter plus I want to avoid my resume being lost in the shuffle of he many candidates that may be applying for the positions. I am highly interested in working in corrections and I wish to speak to someone directly.

If this is an agency, how many positions are currently available for corrections, how often do the nurses get cancelled, and what kind of training do you provide your nurses to work in this particular setting? If this is a correctional facility, how many positions are still available and if considered for employment, how long will it be before a new hire training course will begin?

Please allow me to tell you a little about myself. I am a new grad with 7 years experience in the healthcare field, working as a nurse assistant providing direct care to the geriatric population. I currently possess certifications in intravenous therapy, first aid, and CPR. I want to start my nursing career off in a setting that will provide me a wealth of experience without working on a set unit so that I don't experience professional boredom and burnout; and I am aware that corrections can provide such an opportunity which makes the field of corrections a perfect fit for me.

As an organization, I am sure that you are looking for candidates that can and will provide non-biased nursing care to the patients' that you serve; to see them as patients first and offenders second, plus I imagine that you are looking for a potiential employee who will be loyal to your organization and with me, that's what you will receive in return.

Because of my inability to call you to follow up and confirm that you have received and read my letter of interest, please contact me either by phone at___________ or by email at___________. Thank you for taking the time out to read my letter and I hope to hear from you soon!

Respectfully,

T.C.

You made several grammatical errors that you might want to fix before sending it out. I agree with the other responders that your letter does sound as if you are annoyed. I think you might be asking too many questions in a letter of introduction as well. Best of luck to you! :-D

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In addition to others' comments and advices, don't use "do not" instead of "don't" in a formal writing (no contraction forms).

Another suggestion is outline your goal in your writing first before you write a sentence or sentences. Build your Paragraph from these skeleton of goals and sentences without editing, so you can concentrate on the message you want to convey. The part of the final phase of your writing is rewriting the parts that do not contribute to the purpose of your letter. The last part is editing your grammar and punctuations.

It is easy to write a letter when you break down the process, so will not be overwhelmed.

Go ahead try it.

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use " do not" instead of don't in a formal writing. --see, nobody's perfect, just forgiven -)

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I agree with those who say keep it short and simple, as well as professional. Make sure spelling and punctuation are flawless. And, just stating your interest in the job, qualifications and credentials, as well as experience, and how immediately you are available for the position, really is enough. Getting long-winded will probably land a letter in the "round file" in many busy HR departments. They really don't care if you "like" blind ads or the way they do things; this is the truth. The DO want to know how well you will fit into their corporation/hospital.

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Specializes in LTC/Sub Acute Rehab.

I have written, re-written, and re-written letters of interests that have never gone out b/c I just dont know what to say; and those that I have sent out, I of course get no response. I have tried to follow the format's out of one of my school books that cover this topic and like the one's that I have written w/o following the format, they too have not generated any response.:o You cant understand how frustrating it is to have been out of school since Dec 05 and licensed since Feb 06 to not have been offered a steady job (even if part time) to gain some experience. My goal is to find an area of nursing (which I know where I want to be) where I will happy instead of taking a job just b/c I can get hired; that will only make me want to quit after 6 months or less and in search of another job, only this time I will look like what I don't want to which is a job hopper. I don't want to take a job in ltc b/c I have been there for 7 years and I want to try something different and that something different is corrections, substance abuse, or maybe ltac. I want to be satisfied with where I am until I feel that I have accomplished all that I can at a particular place then move on to bigger and better things. I know one thing for sure: I dont want to be an aide anymore mainly b/c I have mastered the job (in my opinion), which was my reasoning for going back to school to get my nursing license. I will "toot my own horn" when I say that I AM GOOD AT WHAT I DO; what I dont know is how to convey that confidence w/o appearing to be arrogant especially since I have no nursing experience or awards to back it up.

When I wrote the letter it was never the intention to come across as annoyed (with the ad), it was to solely find out who the companies were and who to contact. The majority of the ads that I see that I have some interests in (including hospitals) never give any insight to where you will be working (hospital units) or give any real insight to what the job entails; all I have seen is the "generic description" of basically " the LPN will assist and work under the direction and license of the Registered Nurse...... I dont mean to sound hostile b/c that's not what Im trying to get across, but as LPN'S we know that we work under the supervision and license of the RN b/c we learn that while we are in school. So, when I see a job advertised (except ltc and dr. offices) how do I know that Im interested if all that it says that the job is on X floor at X hospital and the shift is 7a-7:30P?:confused:

Basically what this all is boiling down to is that even with 4 books for resume and cover letter writing (some for healthcare and some not), I just dont know what the h*** Im doing and Im confused with what HR wants and if I should even deal with HR and just call and speak to the nursing recruiter?:confused: :cry:

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brown eyed girl,I would have written the same letter, Blind Ad....What the heck for. Absolutely unnecessary. IF it should be kept shorter then maybe you could write something like ..." You know I would love to apply for your job, but because you have decided to not print what your job is I guess I cannot. Then list your qualifications and assets and say If I knew what the job was or had a number to call and actually speak with a human being so I could find out this info, you may have a qualified interested person working for your company. However you have chosen to play games with me and I cannot work for a company that shows that kind of inconsideration." If that sounds confrontational to some of you who work in HR, well then maybe you will consider how inconsiderate the ad is. I would just ignore those ads and find a situation where everything is Up Front. Can't think of any good reason to be that secretive about a nursing job for crying out loud. Isn't life complicated enough without having to play these kind of games.?

I have written, re-written, and re-written letters of interests that have never gone out b/c I just dont know what to say; and those that I have sent out, I of course get no response. I have tried to follow the format's out of one of my school books that cover this topic and like the one's that I have written w/o following the format, they too have not generated any response.:o You cant understand how frustrating it is to have been out of school since Dec 05 and licensed since Feb 06 to not have been offered a steady job (even if part time) to gain some experience. My goal is to find an area of nursing (which I know where I want to be) where I will happy instead of taking a job just b/c I can get hired; that will only make me want to quit after 6 months or less and in search of another job, only this time I will look like what I don't want to which is a job hopper. I don't want to take a job in ltc b/c I have been there for 7 years and I want to try something different and that something different is corrections, substance abuse, or maybe ltac. I want to be satisfied with where I am until I feel that I have accomplished all that I can at a particular place then move on to bigger and better things. I know one thing for sure: I dont want to be an aide anymore mainly b/c I have mastered the job (in my opinion), which was my reasoning for going back to school to get my nursing license. I will "toot my own horn" when I say that I AM GOOD AT WHAT I DO; what I dont know is how to convey that confidence w/o appearing to be arrogant especially since I have no nursing experience or awards to back it up.

When I wrote the letter it was never the intention to come across as annoyed (with the ad), it was to solely find out who the companies were and who to contact. The majority of the ads that I see that I have some interests in (including hospitals) never give any insight to where you will be working (hospital units) or give any real insight to what the job entails; all I have seen is the "generic description" of basically " the LPN will assist and work under the direction and license of the Registered Nurse...... I dont mean to sound hostile b/c that's not what Im trying to get across, but as LPN'S we know that we work under the supervision and license of the RN b/c we learn that while we are in school. So, when I see a job advertised (except ltc and dr. offices) how do I know that Im interested if all that it says that the job is on X floor at X hospital and the shift is 7a-7:30P?:confused:

Basically what this all is boiling down to is that even with 4 books for resume and cover letter writing (some for healthcare and some not), I just dont know what the h*** Im doing and Im confused with what HR wants and if I should even deal with HR and just call and speak to the nursing recruiter?:confused: :cry:

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Specializes in Family.

I find these ads offensive also. Nursing is a PROFESSION, not a job. The blind ads I normally see are related to those "Make 1500 a week sitting on your rear" etc. I wish that a potential employer have the respect to show themselves. If they feel the need to hide their identity in the ad, who knows what kind of tricks they would pull if you actually went to work for them. Bill collectors and fly by night MLM's are what I normally associate with these types of things (hiding identity) and I really wouldn't trust it.

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Specializes in LTC/Sub Acute Rehab.

would someone be interested in helping write a good cover letter to get noticed by potential employers?

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I did not want to take the time to read the entire letter now, on my free time.

If I were at work, crunched for time with lots to do, I'd never bother reading a letter that long.

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Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.

Brown Eyed Girl,

I would like to try to help you out. :) What about Psychiatric nursing? Many small alcohol/drug rehab center jobs are rather competitive, so a background in general psychiatric nursing might help you to eventually land a job in substance abuse. Or, you may just find that you enjoy general acute psych nursing.

Many large psychiatric hospitals are crying for nurses. Many people would tell you to avoid state-run psychiatric facilities, but keep an open mind. The job that I just recently landed is in a state OWNED facility, no longer state *run*, so when a hospital has "state" somewhere in the name, don't assume that it's a complete :angryfire -hole to work in.

And of course, there are always old-fashioned private psych hospitals. Louisville, where I'm originally from, has a rather large one.

As far as going into corrections... just keep skimming the want-ads if that is what you are interested in. I've seen those "blind ads" for correctional jobs, but there is also a large, well known prison close to my home that has been advertising for nurse jobs. So, those ads are out there.

And, as far as your letter... yes, too long. If you see an ad in the paper, or online, that you are interested in, a simple, short and to the point letter stating that you have seen the ad in (insert publication here), and that you are interested in finding out more about the position. Then say that you have enclosed your resume, and that you look forward to hearing from them very soon. Then enclose a resume and sell yourself! List all of your education (starting from high school on), list your medical jobs and the relevant duties. List any clubs or organizations that you were in in nursing school. List any awards. And most importantly, limit your resume to one page!!

Addendum to above: You don't have to list which high school you went to, but I think some employers are impressed if you are local and/or you went to a well known or prestigious high school. That is the case with me, so I sometimes do list my high school.

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brown eyed girl,I would have written the same letter, Blind Ad....What the heck for. Absolutely unnecessary. IF it should be kept shorter then maybe you could write something like ..." You know I would love to apply for your job, but because you have decided to not print what your job is I guess I cannot. Then list your qualifications and assets and say If I knew what the job was or had a number to call and actually speak with a human being so I could find out this info, you may have a qualified interested person working for your company. However you have chosen to play games with me and I cannot work for a company that shows that kind of inconsideration." If that sounds confrontational to some of you who work in HR, well then maybe you will consider how inconsiderate the ad is. I would just ignore those ads and find a situation where everything is Up Front. Can't think of any good reason to be that secretive about a nursing job for crying out loud. Isn't life complicated enough without having to play these kind of games.?

I agree, and its not only in nursing... my husband is currently looking for work and practically every ad in the newspaper is like that... or a temporary service but that is a whole different discussion too isn't it?

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Specializes in Pediatric ER.
i would say something like this:

i am writing in response to your ad placed in name of paper on give date of edition you read the ad in. i am an lpn who will be relocating to the metropolitan atlanta area by july 23, 2006 (personally i think 'mid-july' is a bit vague; give as concrete a date as possible). i am quite interested in the opportunities you present in your advertisement. (insert two, maybe three, brief but complementary sentences regarding yourself. blow your own horn here; find statements that really present you well.) i have much experience and enthusiasm that i could bring to the positions you advertise (work on this sentence, but something like that).

please feel free to contact me at (insert contact info, address/phone/email). i look forward to hearing from you to further discuss my suitablity for your advertised positions (something similar to that).

thank you for your time.

name, lpn

i've worked in hr, and quite honestly, most often letters that long are dumped before the person even finishes reading them. it's unfair, but it is true. folks, feel free to edit away on my little blurb here. :)

yes, this (imo) is preferable over the 1st letter. the first one i had trouble reading all the way through and it sounded like the op was po'd at the organization. if you're not sending a resume don't elaborate too much on your work experience. tell them a little, but leave something for future discussions.

again, no offense, just my opinion.

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