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I am the dad of a new nurse (BSN). I watched my girl work her way through school for the last 6 years. I am asking for your help because my daughter is having severe stress reaction at her first job. She is working on an intermediate cardiac floor in a hospital. She is being trained by a Preceptor who can be brutal at times. My daughter has called off sick due to vomiting, nausea, crying, dry heaves and feels like she is lost. The Department Director has been understanding but has told my daughter to take the weekend to think about what she wants to do because her points are almost used up. The Director has also indicated that they could talk to H.R. to see what can be done. I know from past experiences that when H.R. gets involved its just a matter of time before someone is let go. My daughter doesn't want to lose her job and is going to ask her Director if she can be assigned a different Preceptor. A little backgound information; My daughter met a guy seven years ago who told her to "Be a Nurse". So my daughter wanting to please her boyfriend went to school and graduated (BSN). Her motivation to succeed was based on her boyfriend's insistance that he would not propose nor give her an engagement ring until she finished school. He did get her a ring at graduation and proposed shortly thereafter. However, the guy is insisting that my daughter work and he will not pay for my daughter's debts. And so my daughter is afraid to lose her job because it could cause her relationship to end. My daughter wants to work and wants to be a partner as her now fiance insists that he "doesn't want a dependent"..."he wants a partner". My daughter has worked hard just to get a ring and her wedding to the guy is scheduled for early spring. I am asking for any advice to help my girl through this very stressful time. Thanks
Your daughter should find a new place of employment. Nursing is a huge field and I'm sure she'll find a place which matches her skills and abilities. I would also dump the "fiance" if he's like this now, what happens when *** hits the fan in life? Cancer might happen, finances can get tight, jobs can be lost, kids can be difficult. Losing your job is hard, losing a relationship is hard, being afraid that your "fiance" will be gone if you're having a rough patch in life and the only way to keep him is to be miserable and sick at work is downright toxic and unhealthy. He sounds like a terrible person to try and build a life with. Your daughter is smart and capable if she made it through nursing school. Her degree will afford her many opportunities. She should use her degree to build a life she's happy with and a better man to share it with.
So a few thoughts ...
Thank You Critterlover. My daughter wants to keep her job and can take criticism. She is overwhelmed with a new job, a fiance that sends mixed signals, questioning whether marriage (in 2 months) is something her fiance truly wants. I am desperate to help my girl. She is smart and has a good work ethic but is stressed, anxious, sad and doesn't want to lose her job. I appreciate your post. It helps to know that there are people that sincerely try to help. Thanks
I hope we're not being snookered by this post. I'm all out of popcorn due to the holidays.
But if this post is for real, I wonder - what will BF want for dtr after a while? That she pursue MSN? And then a NP job? Higher mgt? Higher salary positions?
Am curious - what type of educ and career does the BF have?
And where are children in the grand scheme of things?
Some things in this post aren't sitting right with me.
I hope all turns out well for dtr.
Your daughter might want to discuss the possibility of FMLA with her primary care physician. She might be able to qualify to benefit from the protections afforded by that law in order to save her job, at least for the near future. And I am glad that my daughter knew what to do with her conniving significant other who latched onto her while she was in nursing school. Your daughter needs to figure this out for herself. There are an entire "genre" of male out there that prey on nursing students and nurses. Word to the wise. If she won't clear her head on this matter, then you will have to allow her to learn the hard way.
15 minutes ago, amoLucia said:Dear cali - glad you understood what I meant by that 'genre' who latch on to professionals. You labelled it very well. Nurses are a prime target for someone looking for a future caretaker for self or others.
I met a version of that 'genre' when I became a new widow and two or three of the 'guys' at work had dollar signs twinkling in their eyes. That was so unnerving and so depressing at the time. Still makes me uncomfortable thinking about it.
Be there to catch her when she falls. This job isn't a good fit and the end is near. Prob better for her to go somewhere that doesn't make her so miserable. There are plenty of other jobs in nursing that would be very different and she will be afraid to try another, but it's the only way to move past this. Knowing what you know about her partner, you be there for her. You tell her it's ok not to be perfect. You remind her we are all human. Eventually she will see who he is. You will be there for that, too. Just be the support and the cheerleader she needs. Not every job is a good fit. There are plenty of others she could try that are totally different from the one she hates now. NO JOB IS WORTH FEELING THAT WAY. Your mental health comes first.
59 minutes ago, caliotter3 said:Your daughter might want to discuss the possibility of FMLA with her primary care physician. She might be able to qualify to benefit from the protections afforded by that law in order to save her job, at least for the near future. And I am glad that my daughter knew what to do with her conniving significant other who latched onto her while she was in nursing school. Your daughter needs to figure this out for herself. There are an entire "genre" of male out there that prey on nursing students and nurses. Word to the wise. If she won't clear her head on this matter, then you will have to allow her to learn the hard way.
She wouldn’t meet any of the criteria for FMLA at all. Job stress is not a serious medical condition. Plus I’m pretty sure she would have to be employed for a longer period of time before starting FMLA.
Anyway your daughter is a grown woman with a BSN. Let her make some mistakes - that’s where wisdom comes from.
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Thank You JKL33.