Please Help - I have no where else to turn

[abbaking]

In a nutshell, I am so fed up with nursing that I will do anything to avoid it. 10 minutes into my shift it was a madhouse. I didnt ever recieve any report yet and The call lights were going off like crazy. I went into a room 12 to check on the lady in the second bed since she had called for something. I could not even get to her because the lady in bed one (whom I have never met before) began to verbally and physically attack me. This is only some of what the crazy lady in bed one said (replace with curse word in your mind since i cant post them on here) :

"Knock on the door you fat jerk. Are you a nurse or an idiot. Your a fat piece of lard. I have rights. I pay your salary and I dont care if Obama was here you will do what I say. I will find where you live and have you TAKEN CARE OF".

The patient began to throw the meal utensils at me and anything she could grab. I backed out of there.

In 10 years of bedside experience, I have NEVER seen this much verbal abuse and aggression directed towards me - EVER!!

And in 10 years of bedside experience i have never lost my cool - except tonight. I SCREAMED back at this vile lunatic of a person as loud as possible to back, relax, and not give me any crap cause I will not tolerate it. I told hee I have feelings too and she will not abuse me. My stress and anxiety boiled over and I lost my cool by screaming at her (although I must say, she did deserve it).

The lunatic called the house supervisor and demanded everything under the sun. At this point i was outside my body watching myself react. My adrenaline was in full swing, I was shaking uncontrolably and i was on the verge of a hysterical breakdown. I gathered my backpack and I left. I told the team leader the entire situation and she said to go home and relax. She said that I was not fit to work in the condition i was in being a nervous wreck.

Before I left i told the house supervisor my side of the story and email my boss. I am now home.

Regardless of how "I could have handled the situation differently", I want to make it very clear that this patient was beyond out of line. Nobody - NOBODY deserves what i experienced tonight.

I am in a deep state of shock right now. I am severely depressed and i have awful anxiety. I am so streesed. I am on one hand happy that i stood up for myself and put this lunatic back in her place. On the other hand I feel like an ass.

Regardless, I realized that I cant do nursing anymore. All the deliberate short staffing, terrible hours, bad working conditions, and stupid people all served as the backdrop for my breakdown tonight.

I dont think I can even go back to work. I am thinking about going to my doctor tomorrow and asking for emergency FMLA time (work induced stress/depression). I think I am going crazy.

If anyone can offer any advise or words of encouragement - I need it now. I am home crying and just feeling terrible

[TopazLover, BSN, RN]

I agree with getting help through EAP. I also would make an appointment to see your NM, supervisor, or whoever is knowledgeable about the situation. You don't need a lecture about appropriate behavior. Your internal talk about that is sufficient. What I would want to know is how far your supervisor would have supported you, had you done the "right thing" whatever that is in your facility. Is there a P&P that says call security? Should you have backed out and immediately called the super yourself? What is their plan of action for these situations?

Personally I probably would have said, "Excuse me, this is an emergency" and kept going to the other bed. I probably would have "straightened the covers" for a full five minutes or until I calmed down. If she still was ranting I probably would have contacted the desk to get more help in there. But that is after the fact and knowing my personality. You need to have clear direction from above as to their response to out of control patients.

Do not let this take you out of your job. You may want a bit of time off. You could take some sick days as better mental health days. But, you can't let this situation define where and how you work. If management's response to your questions is not satisfactory either work to fix the problem or decide if you want to continue to work with those conditions. That decsion shoul not be made now. Do it with a level head.

[rubato, ASN, RN]

I am so so so sorry this happened to you. I don't know for sure that I would have handled it the same way, but it's highly possible. Having someone threaten to kill me is kind of my breaking point!

Give yourself a little bit of time before you make any lasting decisions. Your emotions are going crazy right now. Just relax and take some time off.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

I hope today is much better than yesterday! And I hope your employer reacts with empathy and support.

[OCNRN63, RN]

i agree with counseling, but disagree about the eap. i would never do something that would tip the employer off that you need mental health treatment in any way. i'd get it privately, possibly pay for it out of pocket depending on what your facility is like. i wouldn't want my employer to have any sort of information they could use against me. (legally they can't do it, but there are ways around those rules.)

i agree with fmla if you need it; if you can get your provider to justify it in some other way than mental health issues that would be great.)

[daisy2daisy]

I am sorry you were hurt to that point of a meltdown by that filthy patient. Another commentor said something like...oh, you should not have let your self get emotionally involved, stay neutral...that is such a contradictory statement! All the nursing management and the whole profession like to tout how caring and compassionate nursing is. To me, you would have to be a little STEPFORD nurse to practice in a manner where "you dont get emotionally involved ". I think when the crazy called you FAT probably took you over the edge. Nothing can hurt a woman more than being called a fat f##k. Take your Fmla, and know I am sending peaceful thoughts your way.

[ladeelovex3]

I like to hum or sing a song during situations like this

lots of hugs

[Good Morning, Gil]

Sounds like this incident was the icing on the cake, and you're burnt out. I just wish that you had realized it sooner before jeopardizing your job (which I know, you don't really care about right now since you don't want to go back, but it does jeopardize your nursing future even away from the bedside).

Was this patient A/Ox4, and verbally abusing you? Nothing ticks me off more than when patients who are alert and oriented think it's okay to threaten or verbally abuse staff. It's not okay in society...you would get cited, fined, police involvement, etc, but it's okay in the hospital b/c patients are in pain. That is BS, no excuse. Anyway, tangent lol. When a patient treats me like that, I do tell them that I will not tolerate that (calmly of course), and I tell them that if they continue to do so I will get security to come sit with them at their bedside because people that threaten to harm you (even if it's just a threat), could still harm you (though I have only been threatened once I think from an a/o pt, and I put them in their place). Now if it's a patient with dementia, neuro injury, withdrawal, etc, then that's different altogether.

I am so sorry you went through this, and I hope you can get some time off and work away from the bedside or at least leave on good terms. If you can, I really would try to work your notice so you can leave on good terms if you think you can do it safely.

[leopardlove88]

What a terrible way to walk into work. So sorry that you had to experience this. Hugs hugs and hugs to you! I am young and have only been a nurse for 4 years, so my experience is limited. When I first got out of school a patient told me I was not even competent enough to clean his toilet!! I am still adjusting to this sort of thing! I sometimes feel like I can never do enough or anything right for some of these patients..soo frustrating! I totally support good quality patient driven care, however, sometimes I wish I could tell these demanding patients "This is a hospital and not a resort.."

Hang in there, I hope things get better for you! It's okay to be miserable for a little while :)Then let it go...and know that you are needed and important

[Liddle Noodnik]

If anyone can offer any advise or words of encouragement - I need it now. I am home crying and just feeling terrible

I hope you can check in again so we can help continue to support you most of us have been in that situation in one form or another. Whether we "verbalize" it the way you did or not. I hope you can take some time to step back and re-evaluate and fill yourself back up

[lindarn]

Call the police and have her arrested for assault and battery. She will cool off when she is in handcuffs.

JMHO and my NY $0.02.

Lindarn, RN, BSN, CCRN

Somewhere in the PACNW

[nurseclm]

Find some professional help immediately. You do need help. Hugs to you too. I am a "dinosaur" in nursing. 41 years to be exact. I have learned over the years that when a person throws things, calls names, and then threatens you that you walk out of the room, notify the charge nurse and the nursing supervisor. This patient is a danger to you, the facility, and the patient in the next bed. Do not, I repeat, do not try to talk to or reason with a person who is acting like this lady did. I have had many nights like you had that night. Hang in there. Maybe there is another kind of nursing you will thrive in. Pediatrics, newborn nursery, home care, hospice, etc. Good luck. Let cooler heads prevail. If nursing is truly not for you, there are many other paths that will open to you. When one door shuts, another opens. I also practice yoga and meditation and that has helped me so much. Hugs to you and many blessings will be yours.

[84RN]

Here's a hug. ((((((HUGS))))))

You're in California, according to your profile. Back in 2004, when I was living in CA, I went to the first psychiatrist I could find and went on state disability for stress-related issues. The state paid me 2/3 of my gross pay, and I was able to decompress from all of the emotional turmoil that had been going on in my life during the time I was out on stress leave.

It is hard to be nice to a repulsive patient who is talking to you as if you are dog poop. I cannot blame you for screaming back at her.

My husband works in the insurance industry--worker's comp. He's told me several times that in California, employees can file for worker's comp for work-related stress. It sounds like the op's situation would qualify.

That being said, I would probably have left the room, called the nursing supervisor and perhaps security to deal with this patient, but I do understand the stress and burnout she's experiencing.