Personal Life at Work?

[nursebrandie28, BSN, RN]

Hey my fellow nurses,

I have worked in the ER for 5 years now, and have never gotten in trouble/or talked to other than "you could have done better at this or that." Well I started agency work at the rival hospital in the float pool. I just got my first complaint on a medical floor: "you talk about your personal life too much at work."

At first, I was not sure how to take this. I asked my manager to be more specific and she said I told an inappropriate joke and another co-worker got offended. That is all she told me.

In the ER, I work...we are very close-nit and sometimes at night we do start discussing things we should not. But I never talk vulger to the point that somebody would complain. I just feel that if I offended somebody, they should have told ME first...

I try to always be sensitive to other people and I still cannot remember telling an off-color joke.

Has anybody else gotten these complaints?

Brandie

[RN1982]

I agree. If they had a problem with whatever you said, they should have said something to you first, not run to management. I can't believe that someone actually complained that you talk about your personal life too much. Talk about touchy. Gees. Get a grip people.

[ddoosier]

We spend more time with our co-workers than we do with our families throughout the week and in my case, I view many of them as family. I share a lot of my life with them. I would hope that if it became too much that they would let me know.

[hinakhoja]

Nature varies from person to person as we all know about this. In this case I would suggest that if you are new to the organization, first start knowing people who are working there and when trust relationship will be built then you can act accordingly. There are people who pull legs in order to shine themselves in front of management and we have to keep distance from them so no worries you will be knowing your colleagues nature very soon. You must be having very helpful colleagues too you can share with them.

[Reno1978, BSN, RN]

There's a big difference, in my opinion, between talking too much about your personal life (which shouldn't be offensive, maybe annoying to someone) and telling an inappropriate joke that offended someone. It sounds to me like you aren't being told what really happened.

[santhony44, MSN, RN, NP]

There's a big difference, in my opinion, between talking too much about your personal life (which shouldn't be offensive, maybe annoying to someone) and telling an inappropriate joke that offended someone. It sounds to me like you aren't being told what really happened.

I agree that there's a big difference in talking about your personal life and telling an inappropriate joke.

However, Reno, if you've never had a co-worker talk about his or her personal life to the point of being offensive, you've been luckier in your co-workers than I have!

To the OP: I think this can be a big difference in the culture of the individual workplaces. It's one thing to have a group of co-workers you've worked with for a long time and have grown very close to. You share trials, tribulations, joys, etc., just like family. It's another to go in to another place brand-new and to treat them the same way. You may have had a little slip in discretion, or you may have just walked unawares into a far more toxic work environment.

The best policy in a new place is to listen way more than you talk until you get a really good feel for what's really going on under the surface. If Your new co-workers want to get chatty, deflect the conversation into other avenues. The weather, sports; say, are those x brand shoes, how do you like them, I've been thinking about getting a pair; I really like your haircut, who cuts your hair, I've been thinking about cutting mine shorter/growing it longer.... You can get into some semi-personal conversation without ever telling a whole lot about yourself. That's the way I prefer to go, myself. But then, dh says I'm "secretive." I say no, but not everyone I meet needs to know everything about me within the first hour or so of meeting me, either.

[Quickbeam, BSN, RN]

I find it helps to do more listening than talking. I never mind hearing what someone else has to day about their family life but I like to play it close to the vest about mine. That has served me well and I think helps maintain professional boundaries.

[elkpark]

I agree with some of the other posters that, when it comes to sharing at work, "less is more." I usually keep a pretty low profile and keep my cards pretty close to my chest, as it were, at work. The way I think about it is that, if, as time passes, you find you're becoming closer friends with some co-workers and decide that you choose to share more about your personal life with them, that's fine and you can do that -- but if you share a lot up front and then decide (or find out) later that that was a mistake, there's nothing you can do to take it back.

[Larry77, RN]

So all the talk in the ED about our sex lives, BM's, rashes, and flatulence is inappropriate? Hmm...

I also work for an agency in other hospitals but I do act a little different than when I'm at my "day job" with my friends. Plus if you say you are in a "float pool" they may not understand our dark humor from the bowels of the hospital--the ED.

[caliotter3]

When a person runs to management to complain about you it is probably an indication that they are actively trying to make it difficult for you, perhaps to get you to leave, or to serve "notice" in a backhanded way, rather than a legitimate complaint about something offending them. If their complaint were legitimate, they would have approached you and talked about their disagreement like an adult, rather than running to mgmt. Just a reason for you to become a bit more aware of what is going on around you and be wary of your co-workers. This is a favorite trick of those who like to stir up trouble for the new person. Reminds you to stay on your toes.

[locolorenzo22, BSN, RN]

I agree with the thought that you have to get a feel for a new workplace, so to say...I know that the people I work with now have a tendency to get a little loud at night, or make a few comments, but it is all done in fun....we have no indication towards offending someone....if we do, I always am the first to say "just tell me to shut up, if you want..."

A joke that may have been 10 seconds long can be remembered for 10 months by someone who didn't agree with it.....I would just keep your head down untill you get a feeling for how all these new coworkers are....

[nursebrandie28, BSN, RN]

Thank you guys for giving me new insights about this. What I think my problem is: I trust people to much. I am not one to run to mgmt, get easily offended, so I expect other to be the same.

I do feel that I have a pretty good attitude at work: I try to not bad mouth other nurses constantly ***** about the hospital. However, to compensate, I guess I tend to talk about other aspects of life!!