Patients Say the Darnedest Things

[allnurses]

With some of the things patients say, Nurses sometimes wonder if they are on a hidden camera TV show! Weird, wacky or even touching, those phrases stick with us. Think of your favorite thing a patient has said, submit it in the comments below and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!

Winner will be announced May 16, 2017

UPDATE June 5, 2017

The winner of the $250 amazon.com gift card for favorite thing a patient has said from allnurses.com is user jndmj30 for:

Nurse: "do you check your blood sugar at home?"

Patient:"I used to but all it ever said was High"

Congratulations!

2017 National Nurses Week - 7 Days of Giveaways

[Fuzzybadger]

In a discussion with an older female adult, we were discussing second marriages. 'I'll never remarry,' she said. 'At a certain age, all they want is a purse or a nurse!'

[BSN16]

"Hello, i'm BSN16 and i will be your student nurse for today"

patient: "arent you a little too OLD to be a student nurse???"

me: "Sir...i'm 19 :sorry:"

[Rew3n]

"Can I wear your bra for a couple of days??" A question a confused elderly gentleman asked me as I was helping him eat breakfast.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I was preparing a bolus tube feeding for one resident and accidentally knocked over a couple of cans of Jevity. The roommate on the other side of the curtain woke up and asked "Are you the cat?"

Before I could catch myself, this came out: "Yes, Elaine. Meow!"

Elaine: "Oh, OK, I'll just go back to sleep now."

[Sgabaldon]

My patient asked if it is hard working 12 hour shifts. I told her it makes for a long day because it's more like 13.5 hours but it's nice having four days off. She says, "It must be nice to get paid so much and just chill!"

Just chill??? Lol

[rnc510]

"Hold my hand, I'll show you how to make real love."

-Said a 94 year old patient to me while attempting to give meds

[BSN16]

I was preparing a bolus tube feeding for one resident and accidentally knocked over a couple of cans of Jevity. The roommate on the other side of the curtain woke up and asked "Are you the cat?"

Before I could catch myself, this came out: "Yes, Elaine. Meow!"

Elaine: "Oh, OK, I'll just go back to sleep now."

lol!! Those darn cats! I once had a patient who kept slapping his stomach and i asked him what he was doing

he said:"Just making some noise so the cats will come sleep with me"

[WKShadowNP, DNP, APRN]

"I didn't even know I was pregnant!!" As her water broke on the ultrasound table. In the ED for abdominal pain. LMP within the month. Delivered a healthy term boy on good Friday, 2015.

[Corpsman2OncRN, BSN, RN]

"Write this down on a piece of paper: '[Patient's name] will try and succeed at curing all autoimmune disorders.' If you save this piece of paper and give it to me in 2025, I'll give you a job my cabinet when I become president." - while I was conducing morning group on the psych unit. I lost the paper.

[dine saw]

While giving an elderly pt a bed bath, including very thorough peri-care (he needed it), he said to me, "I know what you're trying to do down there, and I think you're sweet and appreciate you trying, but things haven't worked down there in a while." í ½í¸®

[BlissfulwandererRN]

'Touch me and you'll have to call the SWAT team to take me down!'

[Isakolistic]

Patient repeated "I went down on 2 guys" over and over again while transferring him. While we certainly were taking it out of context, it was hard to refrain from snickering.