Parents will kick me out if I don't drop my nursing dreams...

RainbowSprinkles · Feb 13, 2018

I'm assuming your parents want you to be a medical doctor or engineer? I would pick a major that was closely aligned with nurses and do an accelerated bsn program after. I'm not sure where you reside, but in NY even those with degrees and entry level careers can not afford to move out of there parents homes. Take advantage of them paying for school and you not being required to work. I surely can understand your frustration of being control. However, being on your own at such a young age and you being used to being sheltered may really deter you from your goals. Life is not easy, we all need some kind of support. Whatever you decide, I truly wish you the best.

stockmanjr, BSN · Feb 13, 2018

Making threats like this is abuse in my mind, and shouldn't be tolerated. If you don't stand up to your parents now this will just get worse, and worse as you get older. I've seen this before as parents become afraid of losing control they attempt to become more controlling. Figuring out ways out is paramount now. Job plus ADN program at a local CC seems like the best route here. Hopefully they will eventually realize that it's yourself that you need to make happy not them.

thesnarklife · Feb 13, 2018

Just something to think about, especially if you are planning on a BSN, the first two years of any medical program are the same. Everyone does math, english, science and electives. You don't have to make a 'decision' right now. Go to college, finish your two years and then 'decide' what you want to do. That will make them happy and give you a little more breathing room.

BirkieGirl · Feb 13, 2018

Like another poster said early on, many of the pre-req courses overlap so you probably can get at least a few classes under your belt with either path. You could always state your major something like "medical sciences" and just knock out as many pre-req courses as possible before ultimately declaring. Unfortunately, this is a tough situation and although I understand your loyalty to your parents, ultimately you have to make the choice for YOUR own life. If that means moving out, working like crazy, possibly staying with friends/family/co-workers or a cheap housing situation, using student loans, etc., it may come to that. You are going to be in a power struggle with them and it will make it hard on you to be academically successful either way.

Another option that I don't think anyone has mentioned yet is this: find and complete a fast, cheap CNA course in your area. In my small rural area of the Midwest we have them at the ISD, Career Centers, etc. These courses generally are fast and fairly inexpensive. In exchange, you gain a license to work as a CNA. MANY hospitals will hire you, pay you as a CNA, give you invaluable work experience AND qualify you for tuition reimbursement from them while you attend a local Nursing School program. At my facility, the CNAs are almost ALL in school, they make a decent wage, work 3 shifts a week and get tuition forgiveness that allows them to attend a community college nursing program for very little out-of-pocket cost. Most hospitals have some sort of tuition reimbursement so you need to think BIG picture and figure out how you can get the most help possible to pay for school. Good luck.

GatorKatie2485 · Feb 13, 2018

The important thing to remember is that you aren't doing anything wrong. It's not like you are asking them to support a drug habit or destructive lifestyle. Healthy parenting encourages children to follow their own dreams and make their OWN choices. Parents usually are there to encourage what their children want and it if doesn't work out they are there to comfort them and give them the courage to keep trying. In no way is it "OK" that you are treated like a bad daughter for following your own path, whatever that is in life. I was made to feel the same way, and its incredibly destructive to someones self worth. " It's hard to become independent because my parents oppose any actions to do so" I fully relate- because that's what mine did to me. People with narcissistic personality types often do this to those they love. They don't want you to be independent and know who you are- because if they can strip that from you it means you can be manipulated by them. Don't let yourself be a pawn in someone else's game. I think seeing a therapist or counselor (even if you see one at your university for free while you are enrolled in " pre-med" classes) would be a huge benefit to you. Its really important not for you to lose your own voice and vision. Especially with parents that act like yours do, you'll want to get some help on realizing that their reality, visions, beliefs and desires are not a universal truth. You might even be less likely to become an independent adult just based on the style you were raised. Luckily, you are still young and I think with some outside help you can develop the strength and put a plan in place that works for you.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Feb 13, 2018

Thank you for the advice and hugs haha, I definitely do have some teachers I could talk to but if I do get kicked out I have no idea where I would go, which is what I'm most afraid of right now. I could always raise enough money over the summer to attend community college but housing is something I couldn't secure as easily. Thank you for responding!

My parents didn't kick me out; I left on my own the day after high school graduation because I was sick of taking the beatings. I moved in with my best friend and her mom. I worked at a local restaurant and contributed to the groceries and the chores. Thankfully, I wasn't asked to pay for rent. I saved money and applied for every scholarship for which I was eligible and for financial aid. I cobbled together enough money to go to school in the fall. I made it through school working (sometimes three jobs at a time) and with some rather unusual living arrangements. (One semester I moved into a sorority house for $100 for the semester because the sorority had lost over half of its membership following a disciplinary incident. I spent a semester living with an elderly couple in exchange for help with chores and driving them to the grocery store, etc. My boyfriend's parents took me in for a year (he lived in a dorm) and I spent a few months in a boarding house.)

If you do get kicked out, there are plenty of alternatives, but it takes a bit of creativity to find them. Do you have a relative who would take you in? A close family friend? Someone from your church? Would one of your friends let you live with them? Are there any elderly folks in the community who would love to have a young person around to help them out?

I wish you success in figuring this out. I might also point out that once your folks see you're intent on living your life the way you choose, they may back down on the idea of kicking you out. Not something to depend upon, but possible.

Accolay · Feb 14, 2018

If your parents are really going to kick you out: tens of thousands of 18 year old people live without their parents and make it work. They have jobs, work hard and go to school too. Why wouldn't you be able?

Why not investigate joining the military to become a BSN RN in the Army, Navy or Air Force? You'll be an officer and not the typical grunt. You'll have tuition, room and board payed for while you pursue your degree.

Look into all options and don't let The Man keep you down.

The only regrets I have in life are the things I didn't pursue rather than the things I tried and either didn't like or failed.

OrganizedChaos, LVN · Feb 14, 2018

Beggars can't be choosers & if your parents are truly going to kick you out after graduation I think the military is your best bet. You will have lodging, meals, a paycheck & your education will be paid for. Unless you have a valid reason you can't apply, this seems like your best option as you don't have a current full time job or anywhere to stay.

BSNMomOf6 · Feb 14, 2018

First off, shame on your parents for not being supportive! As a mom what I want most in life to to see my kids happy, I would hope all parents want the same, but I guess not! Sorry, but I'm angry for you! Anyway, tell them you are joining the military, maybe that will be enough to snap them out of their ********? Also, I'm assuming you are female (sorry if I'm wrong) but I know some that work as live in nannies for families and they go to school and on their time off they babysit and live in the house with the family. It provides a place to live plus a job and time to go to school. My friend has a girl living with her so she can go off to work as a midwife at any hour of the night, then the nanny's job is to get the kids off to school and then she goes off to school herself. Anyway, it's an idea. I do think the military is a GREAT option for you, I think I might have done this had I not got married and had kids at 20.

Also, if you went away to school where you lived in a dorm, using loans and paying what you can plus scholarships, would they allow you home on weekends/breaks/summers? Maybe just going away to college and living in a dorm is an option? Anyway, good luck hun, I'm sorry your parents are making your life so difficult. Though being a doctor isn't a bad option, maybe consider it?

middleagednurse · Feb 14, 2018

Are there any adults that your parents respect who could go to bat for you?

FullGlass, BSN, MSN, NP · Feb 14, 2018

To those of you encouraging the OP to just go her own way, that is highly irresponsible, unless you are willing to take her in and support her. Most of you are also probably unfamiliar with cultures like the OPs. This could be a complete disaster for her, as she comes from a very sheltered life and lacks survival skills. I know, since my background is similar to the OPs. Someone who was not allowed to have a part time job in college lacks all necessary survival skills to be an independent adult. Individuals from these cultures are expected to do as their family tells them to and family is extremely important. They do not have the typical American mind set.

1. As many on this thread have stated, including myself, the OP's best bet is to go to college and let her parents pay for it. Even if she has to major in premed, that will also fulfill most of her nursing prereqs. She can easily take the other nursing prereqs under the guise of general ed or that she was advised these were useful classes for a future doctor. In college, she may discover she is ok with being a doctor, or she may discover she wants to be something else entirely unrelated to healthcare. There are a lot of young people who wish they could afford college. At least the OPs parents want to send her to college and have her go into a career where she will be respected and financially comfortable. That is hardly "abuse."

2. As a college graduate, it is much easier to find a decent job that pays well. The OP will also be more mature and have more independent living skills, assuming she goes away to college and does not live at home. That will allow the OP to become an independent adult in more comfort.

3. You can't just declare yourself an independent adult and get financial aid for college. If that were the case, everyone would do it. You have to PROVE you were a self-sufficient adult financially for at least TWO years! (Double check on the requirements). Those of you egging her on, even community college costs money. This is also true for grad school.

4. Make a budget. That means housing, food, utilities (internet, phone, power, etc), entertainment, transportation, etc. There are a lot of websites that will walk someone through this. And this has to be paid for with after tax dollars. As a high school graduate with NO skills, the OP will not have employers lining up to hire her. The jobs available to her will be minimum wage jobs like fast food, janitorial, retail, etc. And it is not easy to live on what she will get paid, even if she just rents a room. Getting CNA training is not free and it takes time. Tutoring might be ok for part time, but it is not steady employment. And most parents want a tutor that is in college or a college graduate. If the OP were to just go her own way, she is setting herself up for at least 2 years of severe hardship.

5. Given the OPs culture, her parents may NEVER forgive her. At the very least, it will take a long time for them to forgive her. Is the OP mentally and emotionally capable of dealing with that? We don't know, so people who don't know her or her family should not be encouraging such a drastic move without warning her of the dangers. I'm a very strong person, and it was still extremely difficult for me to go through this.

6. The military is the best option. One person said her husband didn't like it. Big deal. Life is not easy, and guess what - civilian jobs are no joyride, either. My father was a career military officer. My brother, exhusband, stepson, and stepdaughter all served and were glad for the experience. My stepson used the GI bill to pay for a very good college. My stepdaughter went to Defense Language Institute (DLI) and became fluent in a foreign language in high demand. The OP should at least go and talk to some military recruiters. It doesn't hurt to talk to them.

Encouraging the OP to just go her own way is highly irresponsible and even dangerous. Her best bet is to go to college. After graduating from college, if she still wants to be a nurse, she can get a good job for two years to become financially independent. Then she can apply for a direct-entry master's in nursing program and qualify for financial aid.

djmatte, ADN, MSN, RN, NP · Feb 16, 2018

Thank you for the advice! However I do not have an interest in joining the military, although it would be a nice solution for a problem like this. I was also thinking of staying at a friend's place, but problem is I don't have a lot of friends to rely on haha. But if push comes to shove I guess I will have no choice. I have also looked into apartment living and renting rooms, but right now I don't have the money for that and if I did have a job more than likely I would be struggling to make ends meet.

I wouldn't suggest enlisting unless it's something you really want for sure. But it is certainly a method to secure good college access and can help shape you and show solid determination on your career choice. I did 9 years in the air force. But the last few, I figured out what career I wanted long term and every class was free while in. I knocked out numerous prerequisite courses before getting out. Some people also get paid to go into nursing school while enlisted and become an officer. I had a phenomenal time while in and have two step sons in the Navy now doing rescue swimming and diver. It's certainly not all awesome, but can get you connections/experiences you would never get otherwise.