Parents want me to be a doctor, not a nurse....

Extra Pickles · Mar 15, 2017

I really really want to follow my dreams and become a nurse.. but my parents think that I'm making the wrong choice. They're always telling me it would be much better to be a doctor and that I'm too smart to just be a nurse, etc etc. Here are the main reasons they don't want me to be a nurse..
1.) They don't want me to struggle financially
2.) They want me to be "on top" of everyone else, and to be respected
3.) They think I'm wasting my potential..
I just don't know how I can convince them otherwise.. the only thing they want me to become is a doctor and nothing else. My mom even tells my brother "don't become like Ashley who wants to be a nurse". I need help because I want to make them happy but at the same time it's my life. What should I do?

I'm guessing you're pretty young, because you're concerned about what your parents think. Here's the responses to your list--

1.) Nurses don't typically struggle financially, and they aren't at least $200,000 in debt before they start working and earning a decent living.

2.) I don't know about being "on top of everyone else", if your parents want you to be able to look down on other people then that is a problem that reflects on THEM. Respect is earned. There are nurses who earn respect and get it, there are those who don't and don't. Honestly same with physicians, I have had great respect for doctors who have earned that from me, and zero respect from those who didn't and don't.

3.) If you do well in nursing, you aren't "wasting potential". You "waste" your life trying to be something that someone else wants you to be, and doing yourself a disservice for that.

Your parents look down on nursing and that's a shame, but not likely to change that impression unless you go to nursing school (like you want) and can show them the depth of knowledge nurses today must possess. Perhaps they are thinking of nurses the way they are portrayed on TV (which is about 99% wrong) or how they were at one time (standing to give a doctor her seat, working only until she found a husband).

Eventually you'll decide for yourself what makes you happy, and will do that. There are far too many people doing jobs they hate because their parents forced that decision on them, and that includes Medicine.

Good luck!

N. Maren · Mar 15, 2017

Hello! A close friend of mine actually went down a path similar to yours. Let me share her story a little bit.

My friend's older sister was a nurse, so her parents wanted her to be better and become a doctor. (That and they had come from a foreign country where doctors/nurses had very different roles). The problem was, my friend simply did not like the in depth sciences like organic chemistry, biochemistry, physics, etc. She was smart however and she made it and even got into med school. Come med school, she realized that she was miserable. The way she described it, the workload was such that you really have to want to do it if you want to get past it. I'm sure you're smart, but the abuse/burnout is real in med school.

In the end, she ended up leaving. Her parents *finally* saw that she was miserable. (We think that her parents were partly trying to live through her too for the sake of bragging rights). She ended up doing an accelerated nursing program after leaving and enjoys her work to this day. The whole experience cost her a lot of time and money though.

I share this with you not to convince you either way, nor to advocate for either profession, but to paint a picture about a person's life. As you said, it is your life, not your parents' and you are the one who will be gaining/losing from the path you pick. If you are passionate and set on being a nurse, please do not let their words get in your way.

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Mar 15, 2017

I guess you need to be really clear with your parents whose life you live.

Devon Rex, ADN, BSN · Mar 15, 2017

I guess you need to be really clear with your parents whose life you live.

I couldn't have said it any better.

GrumpyOldBastard, MSN, RN · Mar 15, 2017

1. Do a bit of research about some recent surveys which asked physicians if they would recommend medicine as a career for their children. As I recollect, an astonishingly large portion said "NO!"

2. There is nothing quite as miserable as a physician who discovers, after investing their youth and a huge pile of $$, that they hate being a physician. I have worked with a couple of docs like that... it is not pretty.

3. Do a bit of research about the suicide rate among physicians... I read recently that the equivalent of an entire med school class is lost nationwide every year due to suicide.

4. It is really disturbing that your parents' reasons completely omit doing good for patients. That is very telling. The list is all about how you and the family will benefit... not how you will make the world a better place. That is a recipe for disaster. When the going gets rough (and it will)... you will need to know EXACTLY WHY you want to be a physician.

ItsThatJenGirl, CNA · Mar 15, 2017

I guess you need to be really clear with your parents whose life you live.

This really is the best advice. I know what it's like to want to please your parents, but ultimately this is the rest of your life, not theirs.

Wiggly Litchi · Mar 16, 2017

I guess you need to be really clear with your parents whose life you live.

This x1000.

I lost a decade of my life trying to please someone else; I regret it whole heartedly. Don't make the same mistake I did.

You have one life, so live it in a way that is fulfilling to you. If your parents want a doctor in the family soooo bad.... it's not too late for them to head back to college

cocoa_puff · Mar 16, 2017

You should definitely do what makes *you* happy! As a nurse, you can get your Associates Degree (debt free if you get scholarships, grants, and work as a CNA), start working, get your BSN (in an RN-BSN program), work your way up the ranks and get your masters/doctorate, and you can become the Chief Nursing Officer (CNO) of a hospital, a nurse anesthetist, a nurse practitioner (in a variety of specialties), a nurse educator in a nursing school, or even get your PhD and do nursing research (if you like that sort of thing), and you could do this all in the time period that it would take to go through medical school, residency, fellowship and without being 200K in debt. If you stopped at any point along the way, say you wanted to get your BSN and work in a community health center, that would be great too! Any kind of nursing that you like and find meaningful is respectable and definitely not a waste!

I wanted to be a pediatrician as a kid, my parents suggested nursing. I ended up not liking nursing (I wouldn't have liked being a physician either), but I have no debt, and have quite a bit saved up so I can go back to school for something else. If I went into medicine and found I didn't like it at this point, I would likely have spent 8 years in pre-med/medical school/residency, and have over 200K in debt. I would be stuck and miserable. So I recommend doing what is best for you :) It's your life, not theirs.

CrystalP. · Mar 16, 2017

I personally think you should follow "your" dreams. You will not get far in life trying to please anyone. Motivate yourself to do what you would like to do in life. Plus you never know you could always go from RN-Doctor.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Mar 16, 2017

You're very fortunate to have supportive parents who believe in your potential. Many of us aren't so fortunate.

Please let your parents know that Nursing has been rated as the MOST trusted profession in the US for the last 15 years. Salaries for nurse leaders are commensurate with other healthcare executives.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 16, 2017

I guess you need to be really clear with your parents whose life you live.

And you need to be clear with yourself whose life you want to live.