Paranoid parents

Specialties Private Duty

Published

Don't you hate it when a bad nurse (or even a few of them) makes the whole profession look bad? I don't know if this family is paranoid or really had some bad experiences, but I kind of think it's the former.

Went fill-in on a private case as a favor to a family member. So far I've been called 5 or 6 times in the past couple of months but have only been able to pick up 2 of the overnight shifts. The first night I worked (after a 4 hour non-paid orientation) mom "fell asleep" on the living room couch (baby is in the dining room, which is adjacent) and woke up 4-5 times to check on the baby and every time the vent or tube feeding alarmed. I didn't overthink it because I was a new person on the case and the baby hadn't been home long.

Thursday I was available for a call-off but went in early because family member advised there had been some changes and I should get there early to get an updated orientation of the case from the evening nurse. I get there 2 hours early and follow the nurse around but she's being very, IDK, overly meticulous and careful with everything she's doing, especially considering neither mom or grandma are home. She shows me the updated "To-Do" lists we have to check off as we go, the whiteboard where we are to jot down "Deets" (how many soiled diapers, the exact time meds were given, when the feed was stopped, times the child was T&P, etc. Stuff that's in the narrative and on the med sheets but whatever...) She showed me where to sit now- a hardback chair with a tv tray on wheels, instead of the glider that was in the dining room for the nurses last time I was there and is now nowhere to be seen. She says loudly that there are new nursing notes the family generated but she left them in her car and she would go get them when the family came back.

When mom arrives the nurse asks me to come outside with her because she's late to her next job and doesn't have time to come back in. When outside she advises the family utilizes multiple nanny cams and sometimes the family likes to leave and watch the live streams remotely just to try to catch people doing something wrong. She hates the case and feels paranoid, but the pay is good and her other case is very unpredictable with the child's health status. She gives me the paper, which she pulled out of the bag she had in the house. Yay, for nurses who like to give a heads up!

I go back in to relieve the mom and she goes upstairs for all of 10 minutes, comes back downstairs with a blanket and her pillow and beds down on the couch. About halfway through the night, as she has woken up for every alarm or semi-loud movement, she says that she's over lazy nurses and can't get any sleep anymore because she's tired of nurses sleeping in her house and getting paid more than she makes to do it. She informs me that she's been sleeping on the couch sporadically since baby came home and every time she feels safe to sleep in her bed she regrets it because she catches the nurses asleep. It was very awkward. Mom finally went upstairs around 5 because she really wasn't getting any quality sleep. I can't be sure she wasn't up there watching me...

I was so relieved when the day nurse came. I was giving report when grandma came downstairs and sat on the couch. She turned on the TV like she was about to watch Fox News but really kept staring at us as we did the small narc count and day nurse got the tube feed ready for the day. Day nurse told me that grandma watches everything she does almost all shift, sometimes taking notes, and this nurse has been their primary since baby came home! Crazy!!!!!

Cameras I'm fine with. Hidden/nanny cameras and blatant paranoia that someone is WAITING to do something evil or negligent to your child, I cannot.

I would never have cameras without disclosing that info, even if they were hidden.

And I don't necessarily think all abusers are sitting around just waiting to abuse others, but abuse certainly happens nonetheless.

My family is my most treasured and precious possession (if I can say it that way), and I would do whatever it took to keep them safe and healthy.

Specializes in Pediatrics.
I am totally not saying everyone involved doesn't have a reason to not want the case... But... Has anyone just stopped and talked to mom? Asked her what her concerns are and if she wants to talk about it? Assured her you were there to help her child? Honestly. Not being adversarial here. Just a thought. Maybe she is dealing with postpartum depression. Maybe something nasty happened in her past. Maybe she is feeling guilty that she has in some way caused her child this situation. I am absolutely behind you if this has all been done, but it's just a thought.

You raise valid considerations. I can't speak to whether anyone else has addressed these issues with mom. I haven't personally, but I don't know mom very well. When she was venting about the sleeping nurses I was listening empathetically and I shared a bit of my experience with nurses in the home, which I think she appreciated, but I did not ask her to elaborate on why she felt so anxious. It didn't feel like an opportune time to discuss it, if that makes sense. The conversation didn't flow in a way that fostered therapeutic dialogue.

Specializes in Pediatrics.
That's best left to the supervisor. If the nurses discuss it with her, she may resent the nurse or think there is more to the talk than really is. Let the supervisor be that person. Plus it allows the supervisor to experience things as they are vs hearsay.

There are no supervisors. We're all independents. There is the "Primary" who established and maintains the PA (the day nurse) but she isn't the actual supervisor.

Specializes in Peds(PICU, NICU float), PDN, ICU.
There are no supervisors. We're all independents. There is the "Primary" who established and maintains the PA (the day nurse) but she isn't the actual supervisor.

Gotcha. Guess one of the independent nurses will possibly have to be the bad guy. Another route to consider (done this before and its useful) is to call the Dr with the concerns. Sometimes the Dr will discuss things with the parent and make appropriate referrals.

Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.

I have one, possibly two issues with the situation, but overall, i don't see

what the big problem is.

my issue is with non paid orientation, that's a no go

if mom wants to sleep on the couch, fine, as long as there is proper dress

and not a night gown

other than that, there is no problem

it's a private case, so it's just like any other employer/employee relationship

the employer dictates what and how they want stuff done

if you like the pay and want the job, then do it with a smile

if you don't like the rules, then don't take the job

i think it's sad that a parent has to fear for the safety of the child

and lose sleep over it and had their trust shattered not once, but

several times over

i would definitely talk to the mom about stuff such as the chair

or whatever seems to be an issue

if you cannot have a reasonable conversation with your employer...

Specializes in Peds Homecare.

In all my years of nursing, I was never filmed, and would have left the case when I found out. Sounds like the mother is just looking for something to get after the nurses about. I think it all has to do with power, she has no power to change her child's health, or all the dr. appointments, all the meds, or that her child cannot eat as children usually do. Another nurse who posts on here was relaying info from a FB page about moms who like to put down their home nurses, sounds like this woman could fit right in there. Money is great, but peace of mind cannot be bought.

Yes, I've had one even announce that she was installing the cameras to "catch" nurses for evidence for the upcoming lawsuits. You could see where the concern was in that household. A nurse would have to be very dense to enjoy working under those circumstances.

Speaking of the possible cameras... I go into every house assuming that I am being filmed. You cannot know that you are not and being filmed should not be an issue. It would be ideal if the guardians/patients would just tell you, but the world is not ideal.

Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.
I have one, possibly two issues with the situation, but overall, i don't see

what the big problem is.

my issue is with non paid orientation, that's a no go

if mom wants to sleep on the couch, fine, as long as there is proper dress

and not a night gown

other than that, there is no problem

it's a private case, so it's just like any other employer/employee relationship

the employer dictates what and how they want stuff done

if you like the pay and want the job, then do it with a smile

if you don't like the rules, then don't take the job

i think it's sad that a parent has to fear for the safety of the child

and lose sleep over it and had their trust shattered not once, but

several times over

i would definitely talk to the mom about stuff such as the chair

or whatever seems to be an issue

if you cannot have a reasonable conversation with your employer...

BBM: May I respectfully ask what your issue is with a parent wearing nightclothes to sleep in in their own home?

Isn't systoly a guy? Perhaps the issue is modesty with a member of the opposite sex.

BBM: May I respectfully ask what your issue is with a parent wearing nightclothes to sleep in in their own home?

I'm a woman and I don't want to see Mom's labia or boobs hanging out of her night clothes. Sorry. It may be her house, but that's nasty and inappropriate.

Edited to add: nor do I want to see what Dad's packing in his boxers.

Speaking of the possible cameras... I go into every house assuming that I am being filmed.

I do too.

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