opinions on a nurse/patient interaction

[livintall]

So recently I was requested by a family to take care of their father on any shift that I worked. I built a strong rapport with them and they were very comfortable in asking questions. One day the family approached me with the staff working that night and asked me about one particular nurse that they did not know. They asked what my thoughts were. I gave them a simple indifferent shrug. The family then asked me if I would want this particular nurse to care for my family member. I stated no. The family asked me why and I responded with that I don't care for her demeanor and her frequent lacking of complete patient care. The next day this family once again asked who was working that shift (I was not there) and in that discussion the family stated to the supervisor that they did not want this person caring for their family member. They further told the supervisor that I had said that I would not want this nurse caring for my family member. The other nurse in question has no idea any of this went on. So now I'm facing a disciplinary action with my facility. They have not been specific yet as to what they are disciplining me for and I will clarify it when I meet with HR.

So, what are your thoughts on this? I did not seek out an opportunity to demean someone nor did I do anything malicious. My perspective is that I honestly answered a specific question that was presented to me by a family member. To have answered otherwise would have been not only a lacking of honesty and integrity, but a compromising of my own self integrity and values. It was mentioned that this "disciplinary action" was happening because I had not up managed another nurse. I countered that it was wrong to compel someone to talk up another nurse if they do not feel comfortable doing so. It's no different than being a job reference for someone. Would you lie just to "talk them up"? Would an employer appreciate that quality about you or them? If I told a patient that the nurse taking over for me was "going to take great care of you" knowing that my past experiences that RN have shown otherwise, then I risk losing all that rapport that I earned with that family due to me looking dishonest or not forthcoming. Further, avoiding this would have required me to compromise my morals, ethics, and values. I would hope that others would not compromise their values to talk me up when they don't feel comfortable doing so. This other nurse has no idea any of this has happened so there is no damage done really. So please tell me what you think.

[Emergent, RN]

Apparently, the OP doesn't have much to say about our feedback. She/he came here, and never bothered to respond to the advise being given here.

[TheGooch]

Apparently, the OP doesn't have much to say about our feedback. She/he came here, and never bothered to respond to the advise being given here.

They probably didn't like what was posted. People who think they have halo's seldom like criticism.

[GrumpyRN, NP]

Apparently, the OP doesn't have much to say about our feedback. She/he came here, and never bothered to respond to the advise being given here.

This is directly to the OP, if you are genuine why not post again. Tell us what your thinking is now, do you agree with us? Not one member has supported your viewpoint but we are willing to listen, did you perhaps word things wrongly? You have had some advice from us - do you agree with it? More importantly, have you learned anything?

Of course this is all supposing you ARE genuine. If you are talk to us. If your'e not then why go to the effort of creating an AN account and then writing that long post?

[duskyjewel]

Sounds like somebody needs to watch Bambi again.....

[Selfie]

OP, along with what everyone else said, I think you’re a liability on the unit and in the facility now.

Not only did you throw your coworker under the bus, you threw your manager and the facility (both responsible for this coworker) under the bus.

If anything goes wrong with this patient, now the family can say: “Well, we were told by livintall that they don’t have the best nurses here, they don’t provide the best care, she said she wouldn’t even let one of them care for her family.”

And, the family can now talk outside of the facility and say “XYZ facility doesn’t have good nurses, one of the nurses we had even said this to us.”

Do you see where this is going?

The manager is now going to have to address these concerns you have and answer to his/her manager.

When this nurse finds out what you said about her, you may even be liable to her for slander. A friend of mine sued a former facility for this, after one of her former managers said some disparaging things about her, and my friend won a settlement.

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

I'm going to add to the pile on because, frankly, you deserve it.

You were wrong, and I am shocked that you think you were right.

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

I'm going to add to the pile on because, frankly, you deserve it.

You were wrong, and I am shocked that you think you were right.

The OP was put on the spot and said the wrong thing. It happens--especially if she was in the middle of something and didn't have time to give a measured response. However, to be in total denial about the seriousness of what she said and--now given that time--have no idea just how wrong it was to say that…that, IMHO, is what is most serious about this situation.

As Grumpy said, I would like to hear more from the OP.

[SionainnRN]

The OP was put on the spot and said the wrong thing. It happens--especially if she was in the middle of something and didn't have time to give a measured response. However, to be in total denial about the seriousness of what she said and--now given that time--have no idea just how wrong it was to say that...that, IMHO, is what is most serious about this situation.

As Grumpy said, I would like to hear more from the OP.

My take on this is that she didn't think she did anything wrong and thought that by posting on here she would get support for her actions. Seeing as it's a unanimous agreement that she screwed up, big time, I think she has run for the hills. I doubt we'll hear from her again...unless it's to post about how mean we are and NETY.

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

unless it's to post about how mean we are and NETY.

What could be ironic about that...if the OP is the experienced nurse and if the nurse she defamed is a newer nurse, now who did the eating of the young? Even if it is not a NETY situation, it is still pretty mean of the OP.

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

My perspective is that I honestly answered a specific question that was presented to me by a family member. To have answered otherwise would have been not only a lacking of honesty and integrity, but a compromising of my own self integrity and values.

You sound quite self-righteous about your integrity and values. But yeah, you slandered a colleague, this family threw you under the bus, and now you're the one being subjected to disciplinary action. It was unprofessioal, and I have to ask, how's it working for you?

You didn't have to lie, but you didn't have to malign your colleague either. Does she provide incomplete care, maybe...I don't know what you mean by that. I'm guessing in today's healthcare environment this happens. I know there are nights when *I* would like to have fluffed and buffed more, but sometimes you have to prioritize...and I don't even work in an 8-pt-per nurse, 1-CNA-per unit, crabby family practice MD on call, med-surg unit. You don't say what you mean by "incomplete care." If her omissions are more dangerous, why have you not expressed your concerns to the APPROPRIATE party--i.e. your colleague herself or the NM, not a family?

You could have referred the family to the charge nurse or nurse manager if they have any specific concerns without giving an answer, if you had nothing nice to say. You could ask if they have concerns that you could discuss with the RN herself, and maybe be part of the solution. Heck, you could have refused to be a part of the conversation, and the family draws whatever conclusions they wish.

But you did not have to slander your colleague.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Further, avoiding this would have required me to compromise my morals, ethics, and values. I would hope that others would not compromise their values to talk me up when they don't feel comfortable doing so. This other nurse has no idea any of this has happened so there is no damage done really. So please tell me what you think.

This is nonsense. It doesn't say much about your "morals, ethics, and values" that you didn't think this out more critically and come up with a more neutral response, or use the skills they taught you when you were learning how to think like a nurse. "Can you tell me more about that?" would have been a better idea. Or, "Let me introduce you to our unit manager; she's in a much better position than I am to address any concerns our families have about staffing." This was so totally not about your opinions.

What your "values" appear to be, as evidenced by your description, is that you were very flattered by their attentions because they confirmed your self-assessment that you are fabulous. (And while I think of it, look up "borderline personality," just so you won't ever be tempted to fall for this sort of thing again.) This made you think that it behooved you to be "honest," but prevented you from trying to see the situation through their eyes, and worse, from even thinking that you should have tried to do that.

This could be a real learning experience and an opportunity for growth in your professional behavior. If you let it. If not, well, the disciplinary process might get your attention better than all of us here. "Experience holds a dear (meaning, expensive) school, and a fool will learn in no other." ~B. Franklin

[TheGooch]

The OP was put on the spot and said the wrong thing. It happens--especially if she was in the middle of something and didn't have time to give a measured response. However, to be in total denial about the seriousness of what she said and--now given that time--have no idea just how wrong it was to say that…that, IMHO, is what is most serious about this situation.

As Grumpy said, I would like to hear more from the OP.

The OP post came across as arrogant with a sense of superiority over the nurse she was criticizing.