One Year.... and I am still miserable

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It's been one year and I am just as unsure of myself as I was in the beginning. I think I have made a mistake becoming a nurse. I love helping people, but I feel like I am not smart enough, no good enough, not fast enough. And the thought of losing my license paralyzes me with fear every day, even when I am not at work. And it doesn't help when you hear stories of others losing their licenses because they forgot to document something. I gave report the other night and the nurse actually said to me " I could report you to the Board of Nursing if I wanted to if I thought you weren't competent." I don't think I can live like this, in fear all the time. I need a job where I can support my family without fear. What else can I do?:crying2:

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do you work at a hospital? clinic? the good thing is... u can do so many things w/ ur nursing license. Thought about community health? school nurse? public health? you can even try office work... paralegal nurse, HR.. etc

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Have you discussed your anxiety with your provider?

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Specializes in critical care, PACU.
I gave report the other night and the nurse actually said to me " I could report you to the Board of Nursing if I wanted to if I thought you weren't competent."

Wow, that's got some hostile undertones. I dont know how I would react if someone told me that!

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
Wow, that's got some hostile undertones. I dont know how I would react if someone told me that!

I wonder why that would even come up. :confused:

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I agree...if I found someone did something wrong and no one was harmed, I try to use it as a teaching opportunity. Maybe you need to find another place to work that is more supportive.

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

Why would someone say that?????

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Specializes in being a Credible Source.
the thought of losing my license paralyzes me with fear every day
Maybe the answer lies in delving into your fear. Since you're already thinking that nursing may not be for you then perhaps you could work toward an attitude of, "What the h*#$... if I lose my license then I'll know it wasn't for me and I'll move on."

High-end athletes are successful (in part) because they have the ability to set aside the "boo voices" and the "what ifs" and just focus on the tasks at hand. You need to work toward something similar.

What you're describing is sort of like test anxiety on steroids. You're so uptight that of course you make mistakes.

I would highly encourage you spend some time with a counselor and develop some relaxation and destressing techniques that you can utilize while you're working.

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Specializes in geriatrics/long term care.

Of course she can report any incompetent nurse to the state board if she wants to. And that is as it should be. Incompetent nurses are a threat to the public and make us all look bad. But inexperience does not equal incompetence. The nursing board judges nurses on the circumstances surrounding their offense, not just the offense itself. You are only a year in. Any mistakes you made would be considered in just that light.

Also, be careful with that phrase "lose your license". m Nurses throw it around way to freely. Have you read your state board newsletter. The vast majority of nurses who make a mistake are DISCIPLINED(probation or censure or something) not Revoked. Even impaired nurses are often given a second chance(at least in my state of practice:Missouri)

Your fear is healthy. It will probably be the one thing that makes you check yor MAR one more time when the patient says "that's not what i usually take." or call the doctor even though the vital signs are stable...just in case. Your fear can actually help you become a better nurse. Just be careful not to let it override your good sense. Confidence is not optional in nursing. Read up on current practice. Make yourself familiar with protocol, it's a great shield from criticism. If you are following protocol, you have followed accepted standard practice for your facility/hospital/employer.

If you graduated from school AND passed your boards, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! It will get better. Be patient with yourself. Don't quit now you've worked too hard.

I am a firm believer in the concept that if you do your best, the rest usually takes care of itself(not always and the times this doesn't apply really piss me off but what can you do?)But seriously, you HAVE to believe in yourself.

Go to work tomorrow with a new attitude. Say "i can". Also, do you have a supportive, more experienced person in the workplace. They say we eat our young and some of our jobs can be kind of less than user friendly for newer nurses. Before you consider giving up nursing, consider your work environment. Maybe you just need a new job.

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To me it sounds like what she said to you is an example of lateral violence. Trying to make herself feel like she has power when none exists. Its sad because doctors get residencies(and get paid!) but nurses you guess it get "thrown" out there to figure it out. No one can be fully "competent" unless they have enough training,staff,support and supplies(things that seem nonexistent to nurses). Your in a lose/lose situation.

I say this, if you are very miserable and you don't see any sign of it getting any better, start brainstorming other job options. Don't waste one more day of your life being miserable.

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I feel the same kind of fear. But I try to get through it by thinking of ways that show me I'm a good enough nurse. Like the fact that my patients usually are very pleased with me. And the fact that my supervisors are always complimentary or at least don't say negative things to me directly (even if I know my coworkers are saying negative things). I also, and this is probably going to seem petty but I compare myself to the unit idiot. We all have one. The one where you constantly go "they did WHAT????" And they still have their license and their job.

And when I get really fearful and anxious about the idea that my license could just be taken from me, I stop looking on here for a few days. Seriously, this website while addictive can be scary in terms of hearing about people being fired and losing their license. Sometimes it gets to me.

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It's been one year and I am just as unsure of myself as I was in the beginning. I think I have made a mistake becoming a nurse. I love helping people, but I feel like I am not smart enough, no good enough, not fast enough. And the thought of losing my license paralyzes me with fear every day, even when I am not at work. And it doesn't help when you hear stories of others losing their licenses because they forgot to document something. I gave report the other night and the nurse actually said to me " I could report you to the Board of Nursing if I wanted to if I thought you weren't competent." I don't think I can live like this, in fear all the time. I need a job where I can support my family without fear. What else can I do?:crying2:

And the person who said this to you is probably miserable in her personal life.

What I have found is the ones who are "overly critical" are so out of control in their personal lives, or their personal lives are just plain miserable, they find great joy to come to work and try so hard to be "in control". That control could be downing other nurses, looking for mistakes so they can "write somebody up", or just plain mean for no damn reason. Anything so they can feel somewhat in control.

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