One of THOSE nurses.

Published

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry, Neuro, Ortho, Med/Surg.

Hate posting a negative post, but..,

AND IT WILL PROBABLY END UP TOO LONG. SORRY. VENT.

I do hate to use the term "nurses who eat their young", but I am DEFINITELY dealing with one of those nurses. Actually, she eats everybody!! I work on a very busy med/surg, cardiac floor. There is one particular older nurse that absolutely talks about everyone, this includes all our other nurses, techs, secretaries, housekeeping, our boss, other floors' bosses and nurses...the list goes on and on. She thinks she is perfect, and if someone does not do something how she thinks it should be done, you will definitely be talked about behind your back. She has talked to me about others (I just sit there and listen, kind of look at her in a glare). I feel like I am in high school...actually worse than high school. The thing is people pretty much know about how she is, and it just still happens, just tolerated. The weird thing is she says nice things to my face, like she has told me before, "I love following you b/c I know everything will be done and thorough. You are a great nurse". Well, I had a situation about 3 weeks ago with a patient, and she thought I should have handled it differently. I overheard her talking to another nurse about me behind my back. Well, I decided to get a backbone, be assertive (not aggressive or rude), and I told her she needed to say it to my face. I did not like the backstabbing crap. She then had the nerve to say, "Well, I am talking to you now". I said to her, "Yeah, after I confronted you about it and overheard you". I did end up crying when leaving work, but I would not let her know that! Thought the situation was over. So wrong. She has told some of the other nurses on the floor how I handled it, and I should have handled it this way. Luckily, they let me know she was doing this. Most ignored it knowing how she is, but it got back to me, of course. I was fuming mad. I confronted her again, and I told her that it had come to my attention that she was discussing/gossiping to other nurses (and probably anybody that would listen) about something from 3 weeks ago, and she had no business discussing it with anyone, but me. She was turning nothing into something! It literally was nothing at all...just a different way of handling a situation....and I am a big document, document, document person, so I had the whole thing documented. I KNOW I am a good nurse, and I did the best I could, just like every day that I work. I have never heard of any complaints against me, and we all know that is tough with patients and families, understaffing, etc... I know I am definitely not perfect though!! Anyway, I let my boss know about everything, and she did bring up in a meeting that all the gossiping had to stop...it had got out of hand. It really has on this floor. I just want to go to work, do my job, go home happy (very tired, but happy). This nurse picks on others as well, and she keeps complaining about one particular tech over and over again. I walked into work one morning after not being there for a couple days, and she started gossiping/complaining to me before the day even got started on how her day yesterday was horrible, and this tech did this and that, and she was going to write it up to this person and go higher up. There is no telling how many people she writes up or tattle-tales on for absolutely nothing. She even got caught telling a lie on two of the techs. I could go on and on with her horrible, manipulative, evil actions. I can get along with anyone, but I have never encountered anybody like this. A couple months ago, she even had the nerve to tell a group of us about another nurse not starting a much needed intervention for a PE patient ASAP, pt was transferred to ICU, and pt died. It is not her place to tell that to everyone!! SO...to give you some background on this nurse. When I first started working on this floor, she seemed so nice. She has admitted to me she had to get some help last year or year before, but I thought nothing much of it....preferred not to dig. But, one day people were talking like they do, and it is known on the floor that she had been reported for coming to work impaired. She was fired, got help, and rehired. I am wondering...and others too keep saying that she is trying to compensate for her actions by trying to appear perfect now, and she has a reputation or history now, so she tries to get others in trouble at any means. She feels good by bringing others down to bring herself up. She lies, manipulates, exaggerates, etc... I am told not to worry, people know how she is, even our boss. She literally talks about everyone. Wish they had warned me a year ago when I started there. haha! It seems like something all the time. I dread working with her. She really scares me! How do you handle this type of personality? I am definitely living and learning!

SORRY SOOOO LONG! Thanks for taking time to read my post and respond! :nurse:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Well, like any other irritant at work, since you can't do much to change her, try your best to ignore her behavior and go on about your own job.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Maybe it's a guy thing but I don't pay attention to nurses like that . . . maybe if everyone just told her to shut the **** up every time she started in, things would improve.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med Office, Home Health, School Nurse.

My thoughts on it would be to kill her with kindness. Typically, if someone is going to that much trouble to start drama, they love attention. And by confronting her and keeping it going, you are giving her that attention. I would just kindly ignore her gossip and drama and go about doing your work.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, Nsg QA.

I would keep a journal of incidents, omitting any patients information (names, numbers). It will help you to vent, and it is a method of tracking what's going on.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Neuro ICU.
Maybe it's a guy thing but I don't pay attention to nurses like that . . . maybe if everyone just told her to shut the **** up every time she started in, things would improve.

This is the answer that appeals to me the most.

Now, I wouldn't phrase it like that, but the next time she started in on someone I'd flat out tell her "You know what... not interested. I've got too many things on my plate to worry about what someone else is doing. How was your weekend?"

I used to do it in nursing school when the drama would start, and it works.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.

I used to work with a nurse who tried to corner the DON every morning when he came to work, with the sole purpose of informing him of everything she had found that others had done wrong. I spent several months essentially paired with this nurse, and we came to an understanding very quickly that I wasn't going to be a part of her games. She slowed down a bit with her reporting, but it never completely went away. Of course, she never did anything wrong - at least in her own eyes. She seemed to honestly believe that she was performing a service by turning in her coworkers - which predictably did not gain her a lot of favor with them.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I used to work with a nurse who tried to corner the DON every morning when he came to work, with the sole purpose of informing him of everything she had found that others had done wrong. I spent several months essentially paired with this nurse, and we came to an understanding very quickly that I wasn't going to be a part of her games. She slowed down a bit with her reporting, but it never completely went away. Of course, she never did anything wrong - at least in her own eyes. She seemed to honestly believe that she was performing a service by turning in her coworkers - which predictably did not gain her a lot of favor with them.

Once worked with one of these tattle tales. What was so disgusting about her was that she would create mistakes and errors for others, so that she could report them. It all backfired, when she killed a patient, trying to screw over the assigned nurse. The DON finally fired her and her reputation preceded her around the area when she tried to get another job. She deserved to be criminally prosecuted, but I doubt that happened.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU/ER/L&D.

When she says things like "You are a good nurse" and "I know I can count on you to get things done" what she is really saying is "unlike everyone else." It is manipulation. If you don't want her to talk about you behind your back, don't listen to her talk about others. Listening implies approval to these types. I agree with another post that advised to just walk away or ignore her. For example:

Her: "I can't believe how incompetent Jane/John is! Blah, blah..."

You: "I want to focus on report/professional issues. I don't want to discuss Jane/John. You need to talk to them directly."

This is likely an unhappy person that does this to feel better. If she has no audience, she will likely become even more miserable and angry, but won't have anyone else to talk to. We had one like this in the past; we all started ignoring her and refusing to gossip. She quit and took her toxicity elsewhere.

Part of the problem is that this is tolerated. The best manager I ever had asked me during interview: "Do you like to gossip? Because we don't tolerate that here and I will fire those who do." The unit had a policy that no one was to say anything nasty about another employee. If you had any concerns, you could only express them with the other person and the manager present in a meeting. Sounds odd, but it was the best place I've ever worked in terms of morale. The manager followed through and fired the one gossiper we had. Part of your yearly raise was based on how supportive and helpful you were of your colleagues.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Professional Development Specialist.

I have found interrupting the person politely and suddenly finding something important to do works pretty well. After a while the person usually gives up trying to gossip to you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PACU, CARDIAC ICU, TRAUMA, SICU, LTC.

You can't change people's behavior, but you can change the way you react to them..........

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Maybe it's a guy thing but I don't pay attention to nurses like that . . . maybe if everyone just told her to shut the **** up every time she started in, things would improve.

Are you my husband? ;)

This is the answer - not as crude maybe but just say no to the gossip. Which is pretty much the consensus.

Also, the manager is at fault here for allowing this to go on.

steph

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion