On FMLA, Can't Go Back To Old Job, Now what?

Nurses General Nursing

Updated:   Published

Hello,

I'm on FMLA until 3/12. I went back on leave because I'm not dealing well with my husband's unexpected passing on 9/19/19 at 50, and we have a 12 yr old. I have no family, so the childcare thing is impossible. I already went through 3 people. The hospital said I can apply for other jobs, I have, no one is calling. I only have one paycheck left with my PTO, and then I'll have to pay the premium for health insurance.

My family lives in another state 4 hrs away. I already applied to get my license in that state, it'll take a month for the fingerprints to get processed. Should I hope to get a new position at my current hospital, apply for any job in the state where I'm at, or should I start applying for jobs where my family is? There are 3 nursing career fairs in the other state. I have to sell my house, but we can live with my father until we get settled.

I'm already in pieces and now I have to deal with this. It's too much. If anyone has any advise or input, that would be great.

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and the upheaval you are currently going through.

My two cents: I'd be inclined to stay in Michigan where you have family, rather than returning to where it seems you are largely unsupported.

1. Muster your financial resources as others have suggested: VA if applicable, Social Security, help from family, church, etc.

2. See if you can hold off returning to work until you've had more time to get your bearings. Take a more leisurely approach to finding a new job if you can swing it.

3. Find a property management company in Ohio to rent out your house until you feel either ready to move back or to sell it. Or keep renting it for revenue if that's working out.

4. Enroll your daughter in school in Michigan. It's a bummer she has to change schools but the stability of grandpa, cousin, mom at home for a bit, etc. should mitigate this.

That's just how I think I'd be inclined if I were in your shoes. If you still had a job in Ohio that was supportive of your current needs and a supportive community, it might be different. But based on what you've told us I think Michigan would be the better bet.

Wishing you peace and healing, whatever you decide.

7 Votes
3 hours ago, TriciaJ said:

First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and the upheaval you are currently going through.

My two cents: I'd be inclined to stay in Michigan where you have family, rather than returning to where it seems you are largely unsupported.

1. Muster your financial resources as others have suggested: VA if applicable, Social Security, help from family, church, etc.

2. See if you can hold off returning to work until you've had more time to get your bearings. Take a more leisurely approach to finding a new job if you can swing it.

3. Find a property management company in Ohio to rent out your house until you feel either ready to move back or to sell it. Or keep renting it for revenue if that's working out.

4. Enroll your daughter in school in Michigan. It's a bummer she has to change schools but the stability of grandpa, cousin, mom at home for a bit, etc. should mitigate this.

That's just how I think I'd be inclined if I were in your shoes. If you still had a job in Ohio that was supportive of your current needs and a supportive community, it might be different. But based on what you've told us I think Michigan would be the better bet.

Wishing you peace and healing, whatever you decide.

Agree with this advice. Best wishes.

2 Votes
On 2/17/2020 at 2:06 PM, namaste111 said:

Thank you, that's a good idea. I'll just start applying for ANY nursing job. I should be able to get one quick, maybe a per diem job. I kind of want to everything to calm down, and then we'll make the decision about moving. You all are great, thanks.

Check your messages please.

1 Votes
Specializes in Med Surg, Tele, PH, CM.

So sorry for your loss. Can you work PRN until you can move? I would definitely consider moving. A support system is very important, having family nearby would be a big help. Although your son is fast approaching the age where he can stay by himself for short periods (and no doubt will fight you on the "day care issue"), with my experience raising 5, I can tell you kids need even more supervision in Middle and High School. Have you checked to see if your "family" state will let you work until your license conveys? Many will. If that is the case, I would find a job in the new state, put my furniture in storage, and live with family temporarily until my house sold. As a 20-year military wife, I always had an "escape plan" for just this contingency, and moving back home would be it. Wish you luck. Let us know what you decide.

0 Votes
Specializes in Rehabilitation, Liver/Kidney Transplant.

Everyone's having really good valid points. Yeah, I feel bad having my daughter move to another school. But I don't have close enough friends and I can't afford to pay someone $100-200 per day to take care of her. I have the emotional support in OH, but when it comes to the 'physical' support, the nitty gritty support that I need to work and keep the lights on, is what's important right now, as bad as that sounds. My family's dysfunctional, but I think once we get our own place and have some sort of 'boundary' placed between us, things will change. I think I'm going to try to make MI work, I won't sell my house. My dad said we can live in his trailer by a lake in Jackson, MI. The point is, where I can get a job that works for child and myself. Her and I are still very messed up emotionally over my husband's death, it came out of now where. I have a job shadow, interview and team interview next week. Any advise please?? Thank you

2 Votes
Specializes in retired LTC.

Hugs and prayers go out to you.

Personally, I'd be considering Michigan as my next step. But I'm doing so on paper. Not quite as easy for you to decide in the reality of LIFE.

PP TriciaJ excellently sums up the very good responses from all others posting here.

I was going to suggest the property management option. It could make your 'what to do with the home/housing' decision burden soooo much easier. They also often have out-of-state affiliates with whom they collaborate for services. Worth a consideration to help you deal.

Again, good luck.

0 Votes
Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.
1 hour ago, namaste111 said:

Everyone's having really good valid points. Yeah, I feel bad having my daughter move to another school. But I don't have close enough friends and I can't afford to pay someone $100-200 per day to take care of her. I have the emotional support in OH, but when it comes to the 'physical' support, the nitty gritty support that I need to work and keep the lights on, is what's important right now, as bad as that sounds. My family's dysfunctional, but I think once we get our own place and have some sort of 'boundary' placed between us, things will change. I think I'm going to try to make MI work, I won't sell my house. My dad said we can live in his trailer by a lake in Jackson, MI. The point is, where I can get a job that works for child and myself. Her and I are still very messed up emotionally over my husband's death, it came out of now where. I have a job shadow, interview and team interview next week. Any advise please?? Thank you

I think you are making the right decision staying in Michigan for you and your daughter. Please don't discount looking into the option of renting out your house in Ohio. You may be pleasantly surprised at the income it could generate. A phone consultation with a property management firm won't cost you anything but a little time and if you decide against it at least you'll be making an informed decision.

I have no specific advice regarding your upcoming interview, though having both a job shadow and a team interview already scheduled is a good sign. I'm sure you'll nail it! Good luck!

1 Votes
Specializes in Rehabilitation, Liver/Kidney Transplant.

I had a long phone call with my daughter's 6th grade teacher a couple of days ago. She said her and another teacher at her school would take care of her when I'm at work if I have to work 3 12-hr shifts. I don't know if that's enough of a deal to keep me in Ohio. What do you all think?

They both are married with children. I'd have to drop my child off at 'their' house at 6 a.m., I'd have to pick my child up at 'their' house between 8 and 10 p.m. when shifts run over. What about if she's sick? During the Summer she'd be basically living with them for three days plus the one weekend per month I have to work. How much "support" do you all expect as far as childcare? Can you count on them 100%?

0 Votes
Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.
On 3/13/2020 at 11:53 AM, namaste111 said:

I had a long phone call with my daughter's 6th grade teacher a couple of days ago. She said her and another teacher at her school would take care of her when I'm at work if I have to work 3 12-hr shifts. I don't know if that's enough of a deal to keep me in Ohio. What do you all think?

They both are married with children. I'd have to drop my child off at 'their' house at 6 a.m., I'd have to pick my child up at 'their' house between 8 and 10 p.m. when shifts run over. What about if she's sick? During the Summer she'd be basically living with them for three days plus the one weekend per month I have to work. How much "support" do you all expect as far as childcare? Can you count on them 100%?

I don't know what kind of relationship you and you daughter have with these teachers outside of school but unless you are legitimately close friends I'm sorry but that solution raises a few flags for me. Maybe it'd be OK for a few weeks, but since you mentioned going through the Summer I can only assume this would be a long term arrangement.

While it's really nice that they are willing to step up like that, it also seems to really cross some professional boundaries for them to be providing what I assume is unpaid child care before and after school. Even if you pay them it still crosses those boundaries.

How will caring for your daughter outside of school affect their student/teacher relationship at school? Is the principal aware of this offer and on board? Think about this from your professional standpoint. Would you take a patient home with you for several hours a few times a week?

0 Votes
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