I'm on FMLA until 3/12. I went back on leave because I'm not dealing well with my husband's unexpected passing on 9/19/19 at 50, and we have a 12 yr old. I have no family, so the childcare thing is impossible. I already went through 3 people. The hospital said I can apply for other jobs, I have, no one is calling. I only have one paycheck left with my PTO, and then I'll have to pay the premium for health insurance.
My family lives in another state 4 hrs away. I already applied to get my license in that state, it'll take a month for the fingerprints to get processed. Should I hope to get a new position at my current hospital, apply for any job in the state where I'm at, or should I start applying for jobs where my family is? There are 3 nursing career fairs in the other state. I have to sell my house, but we can live with my father until we get settled.
I'm already in pieces and now I have to deal with this. It's too much. If anyone has any advise or input, that would be great.
Specializes in Rehabilitation, Liver/Kidney Transplant.
I have a 12 yr old daughter. She found him in our basement and is traumatized, taking zoloft and hydroxyzine for anxiety. I can't leave her alone for hours. I have spoken with her and she has mixed feelings. I will definitely take her input into account. Right now my priority is to secure a job asap so I can continue to pay my mortgage, etc. I'm applying where I am and where my family is. We'll see what happens. Thank you all for your great advise and wisdom. We start seeing individual therapists last week and we go to a bimonthly bereavement support group. We've also became a part of a great church.
Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
I don't have any additional advice. I just want you to know I heard your pain. Grief is like a big, heavy rock. When you first have to start carrying it, its awkward, it weighs a lot, it throws you off balance and its so, so heavy. You are angry and sad that you have to carry it all alone. Its HARD.
Over time, you get more used to it. It can still throw you off balance and it can still feel bad. But you get used to it being there, until, in time, it is normal for you and all the things that grew in this become part of who you are. It takes time. It sucks right now and I am so sorry.
I pray you find something that will work for you. You might look up 1 Fit Widow. She is fantastic in her advice about grieving the loss of a spouse.
This may be a dumb idea, I don't know--but what about just taking any kind of work that can help tide you over until you can move near family? I worry that it will be really hard to try finding and working a non-dangerous, short-term nursing job while trying to sell your house, obtain a job in another state and move to that other state and also be there for your daughter. If you think you could survive financially, I would take any job you can get that meets your basic needs while putting all of your effort into facilitating the moving process as quickly as possible (assuming that moving is what you and your daughter have decided is best).
Specializes in Rehabilitation, Liver/Kidney Transplant.
Thank you, that's a good idea. I'll just start applying for ANY nursing job. I should be able to get one quick, maybe a per diem job. I kind of want to everything to calm down, and then we'll make the decision about moving. You all are great, thanks.
Not to get too in the weeds, but I just wanted to make sure you know to apply for Social Security Survivor benefits. My brother and I lost my father in what sounds like might be similar circumstances and those benefits kept the lights on while my mom figured out next steps. I know it is so, so hard right now. Just take it one day at a time and know you WILL get through this and your child will too. It's such a horrible experience, but kids are resilient and will surprise you. You are both going to come out ok on the other end. Sending best wishes your way.
Wanted to also add (and you probably already thought of this) but don't be afraid to ask for help, especially from family of your child's friends. One of my kid's friends went through a loss a few years ago and the mom asked me if the kid could hang at our house with our sitter (my kids are younger) after school a few days a week while she finished restaurant shifts. It was no big thing to me and meant the world to the child and his mom. Just wanted to remind you to ASK for help and don't feel guilty; more people than you know probably want to help but don't know how.
If your loved one was a veteran, file for the money that they will give you toward a burial plot, funeral service, or cremation remains placement.
I knew nothing about these funds until recently, and am now going to mount a battle with the VA to get them. Why should I lose $700 or so simply for not knowing it was available?
In addition to the VA, Social Security offers about $255 toward final expenses for those who have paid these, I think. submit bills to corroborate the bills. You have up to a year, so don't wait.
I will go all the way to Pres. Trump if I have to.
Hey, you are strong and smart, so keep on keepin' on, my friend. Keep in touch here.
Wow. You're really in a tight spot. If I lived close to you I would watch the child free, until got on your feet. I'm retired, and not much to do, I wish i lived close so I could help.
I am so sorry. This must be a beyond difficult time for you and your kids. I think having family to support you through this would be very helpful. So my advice is go where your family is.
Specializes in Rehabilitation, Liver/Kidney Transplant.
Hello Everybody, sorry I've been MIA. My daughter and I are Michigan right now. It's been a challenge living with my dad. But my daughter likes living with my 10 yr old nephew. There are 4 RN career fairs in March. I really want to go to one of them (The University of Michigan Hospital). I just got my MI RN license last week.
Am I making a mistake? I'm not ready to sell my house. My daughter's last day of school is May 29, and I still haven't found a job at my current hospital. I don't know what to do. I don't have any more money coming in.
I think these are my options:
1. Skip all of the RN job fairs in March. Go back to OH, try to find a travel agency job, or some RN office job. Wait until this Summer to find an RN job.
2. Go to the RN job fairs in March & see what happens. Go back to OH in April. If I am offered a job in March or April I don't even know if I can accept it if I wanted to because my daughter's still in school.
I'm so anxious. If I do get a 9-5 job in OH, it's going to be hard to get childcare during the Summer.
I really don't know what to do. If anyone can give me any advise or input, I'd really appreciate it. I know I'll make the decision in the end, I just need some advise from other nurses that know what I'm talking about.
Since you are currently unemployed you'll be in the position of job hunting no matter where you decide to be.
It sounds like child care is a major factor in making your decision. If you go back to Ohio is affordable and reliable child care easily available? If you stay in Michigan is family there willing to help with childcare when you find a job, at least until you are able to find other options?
Just as important if you stay in Michigan is family willing to help you financially until you find that job? I understand you are staying with your father now, is that OK with all of you to continue that living arrangement until you are on your feet?
I understand your kids need to finish the school year and I'm sure you'd prefer that to happen in their current school but can you realistically do that financially? With no job and no guaranteed income at the moment how will support your family if you don't land a job right away?
If you do stay in Michigan since that's where your family support is and you don't feel up to selling your house in Ohio would you consider renting it out? Having a rental property out of state might be a pain, but it is an option to consider for steady income. You might not make a lot of money, but you should consider that sitting empty the house still has property taxes and insurance that need to be paid even if there is no mortgage and rent would at least cover that plus a cushion for unexpected expenses. Also a consideration if the house in sitting empty for an extended period of time do you need to worry about property damage unless you have somebody keeping an eye on it for you? There are probably property management groups in the area that would take care of the rental property for a fee so if you don't go back to Ohio you might want to look into that.
I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. Unfortunately nobody else can make these decisions for you. Hoping everything works out well whatever you decide.
I'm seconding the advice to check into social security survivor's benefits. Make sure you are making your counseling appointments. Your 12 year old needs a healthy mother.
namaste111, BSN, RN
32 Posts
I have a 12 yr old daughter. She found him in our basement and is traumatized, taking zoloft and hydroxyzine for anxiety. I can't leave her alone for hours. I have spoken with her and she has mixed feelings. I will definitely take her input into account. Right now my priority is to secure a job asap so I can continue to pay my mortgage, etc. I'm applying where I am and where my family is. We'll see what happens. Thank you all for your great advise and wisdom. We start seeing individual therapists last week and we go to a bimonthly bereavement support group. We've also became a part of a great church.