Oh, honey.

[IrishErin]

In our line of work we experience truly life changing moments. Saving someone who surely was seconds away from death had they not arrived on your doorstep is something to remember; as is the loss of a life you fought hard to keep.

But once in a while you end up remembering a patient not for something life changin, but for saying/ doing something that makes you want to pat them on the shoulder and say "Oh, honey..." as you internally grimace at what a ridiculous story they are telling. You want to clap your hand to your forehead and groan at how horrific their lie is.

For example: Patient in early 30's comes in with small abscesses forming to the anticubital area of both arms. Also of note are a multitude of track marks in varying stages of healing along both forearms/hands. As I began to attempt cleaning this patients arms and to initiate a saline lock for the IV antibiotics this person will certainly need, I enquire as to what has caused the massive infection to their AC area. Patient responds (completely straight faced) with a harrowing tale of how they were opening their window to let the clear, fresh, spring air into their home when a rabid wild animal (maybe a cat? Or possibly a raccoon?) leapt into their home and scratched them right in that exact spot on each arm! The nerve! How horrifying! When i asked about the other marks on the arms, patient proclaimed that they are a horticulturist specialising in cacti and frequently gets scratched while watering them.

10 points for creativity. While relaying this history to the doctor who is already groaning while waking to their room, I couldn't help but think that this has to be one of most ridiculous fibs I have ever heard!

And now I want to hear yours :)

[Sassy5d]

That's great!!

I always get a kick out of 'I was just walking down the street, minding my own business when this guy jumped out and shot me in the face'

I had a guy with multiple lacs to the back say he hopped a wire fence to pick berries..

OR the lady who told me she was jumped by a pack of wild deer...

[JDZ344]

Just walking down the street, minding your own business is very dangerous.

[TriciaJ, RN]

In the jail, newly-booked inmates would contact Medical for an "urgent" problem of several days' or weeks' duration. When we asked why they hadn't gotten treated in the community, the reply was always "I was on my way to the doctor's office when I got arrested." I used to wonder if cops cleared out backlogged arrest warrants by staking out clinics.

[IrishErin]

I hear a great many stories working at the methdone clinic as well. Apparently take home doses are at huge risk for having their screw top, child proof, sealed lids fall off spontaneously while sitting beside sinks

[meanmaryjean, DNP, RN]

The number of naked males who fall on random objects, butt first, is absolutely astonishing.....

[MereSanity]

I've removed tv remotes and LARGE cans of body spray from males orifices.

[EatYourVeggies]

I must say that is a pretty creative story OP! Having worked in a Garden Center myself you do get scratched on the arms all the time but pretty sure track marks look totally different

[EatYourVeggies]

I also don't understand why patients can't be honest with their nurses! Drug addict/weird fetish person or not you are still going to get treatment lol

[JBudd, MSN]

explaining the tallywhacker bite marks, as injury from the zipper on his tent, while he was trying to climb out to go pee in the woods

[suanna]

This is why I cover every object in my house smaller than a 2liter bottle with vasoline or KY. I have avoided this tragic accident so far in my life but it happens to so many people so often, I can't help but fear I'm going to fall over some day and SPLUNK-right up the ole orifice something will go. I figure it will be a lot less traumatic if I keep everything in my house lubed up just in case.

[suanna]

I don't have to wait for the wack-a-doodles to come into my hospital with thier stories. My family suffers from medical hallucinosis vivid enough to provide hours of entertainment.

My father has his 2nd wife and several of my siblings convinced that while on a road trip down the east coast he developed a severe HA and stopped in a local doctors office to get something for the pain. On assessment the doctor determined my father had "a blood clot in his brain" and drilled a hole in his skull and "just sucked it out" . Not surprisingly, the doctor wanted my father to go to the local hospital for follow up care, but since he was feeling so much better he just drove on his way. He would even let you feel the soft spot in his head where the doctor drilled the little hole.

My brother had the family convinced he had gone to the ED at the local hospital with "something in his eye" Treatment consisted of "popping his eye out and washing it off in a small bowl of saline and just popping it back in." "It felt so much better but it was sure strange to have one eye looking at the floor in that bowl and the other looking normal-like"- I'm sure it did???!!!