Oh, honey.

[IrishErin]

In our line of work we experience truly life changing moments. Saving someone who surely was seconds away from death had they not arrived on your doorstep is something to remember; as is the loss of a life you fought hard to keep.

But once in a while you end up remembering a patient not for something life changin, but for saying/ doing something that makes you want to pat them on the shoulder and say "Oh, honey..." as you internally grimace at what a ridiculous story they are telling. You want to clap your hand to your forehead and groan at how horrific their lie is.

For example: Patient in early 30's comes in with small abscesses forming to the anticubital area of both arms. Also of note are a multitude of track marks in varying stages of healing along both forearms/hands. As I began to attempt cleaning this patients arms and to initiate a saline lock for the IV antibiotics this person will certainly need, I enquire as to what has caused the massive infection to their AC area. Patient responds (completely straight faced) with a harrowing tale of how they were opening their window to let the clear, fresh, spring air into their home when a rabid wild animal (maybe a cat? Or possibly a raccoon?) leapt into their home and scratched them right in that exact spot on each arm! The nerve! How horrifying! When i asked about the other marks on the arms, patient proclaimed that they are a horticulturist specialising in cacti and frequently gets scratched while watering them.

10 points for creativity. While relaying this history to the doctor who is already groaning while waking to their room, I couldn't help but think that this has to be one of most ridiculous fibs I have ever heard!

And now I want to hear yours :)

[aeris99]

My brother told the whole family that he was divorcing his wife because his dr told him he had cancer and 10 years to live.

13 years later, he now has MS but the dr won't "treat him" *sigh

[meanmaryjean, DNP, RN]

This is why I cover every object in my house smaller than a 2liter bottle with vasoline or KY. I have avoided this tragic accident so far in my life but it happens to so many people so often, I can't help but fear I'm going to fall over some day and SPLUNK-right up the ole orifice something will go. I figure it will be a lot less traumatic if I keep everything in my house lubed up just in case.

You can never be TOO careful after all! :)

[HIPPIECHIKRN]

I used to work in an endoscopy center. During the pre-procedure assessment I had to determine the patient's NPO status (NPO after midnight, right?) I always had to specify, no water or anything. One patient told me yes,he had a hot dog for breakfast because the doctor told him he could eat. I went and got this doc and told him the story. He marched into the cubicle and said to the patient "that's a lie. L. I. E lie". Patient had to reschedule of course.

[HIPPIECHIKRN]

I work in a prison now and it's funny how many guys "slip and fall in the shower" and get fractured jaws that need to be wired and orbital fractures. Must be some super slick soap they are using.

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

I wouldn't know where to begin. I mainly see people lying about controlled substances. Some people have the worst luck, either their friend steals them or they get knocked down the sink. My most recent sorry was that my patient left her brand new RX bottle sitting on top of her dashboard in a very busy (and sketchy) downtown area parking lot for her 8 hr shift. She locked the car, but the door handle is broken so she left the window open so she could get back into the car. She couldn't believe someone stole it. The sad thing is I think she was being honest..

[Nurse Tracie]

My pain is a 10/10 (or better yet a 20) all while kicked back in bed, smiling and laughing on their cell phone......

I don't know about you but the few times I have truly experienced a 10/10 pain, I was in tears, restless and barely able to articulate what I was feeling.

Pain severity is probably what I hear fibbed about the most.

[rowdysmomma]

While working as a tech we had a pt come in who was freaking out about the threads coming out of her eyes. She had those scaly marks (Krokidil use) all over her hands and face. When the nurse I was working with asked her what they were from, she said her psoriasis was getting out of hand.

My mom has psoriasis and THAT was NOT psoriasis... they look nothing alike.

[GoldenRoya]

I work on a post op floor, and you wouldn't believe the number of people who lie about their pain. Sure, you get the occasional tough old bird who says, "Oh, my pain's about a 2 (out of 10)," but they're clearly pale and shaking. "I'll get you some pain medication," I say, and inevitably the reply is, "Oh, no, honey, don't trouble yourself for me. But, well, if you're going that way anyway..."

But those are the exceptions, and a rare pleasure when you get them. Mostly, I get "OMG my pain is through the roof I can't stand it OMG OMG get me some pain meds NOW!" And some of them are legitimate. Surgery is very painful. However, there are those people whose pain tends to come on at strategic times... like as soon as someone asks, "How is your pain?" Patient, relaxing in bed: "Oh, about a ten, I'd say." Nurse: "A ten." Statement, not question. Patient, yawning: "Yup. A ten." Bald. Faced. Lie. Nurse: "A ten means you couldn't possibly imagine your pain feeling any worse." Patient: "Oh. Well, I'm at a nine then. Say, could you grab me the menu? I'm a little hungry." Nurse suppresses the urge to tear hair.

But my absolute favorite happened at the end of a very long, very harrowing night shift. This patient had had a terrible night with pain, and I'd been calling the on-call MD so often we were on a first name basis. I'd done everything I could think of for her, including a fifteen-minute back-and-butt rub to try and calm her sciatica... this while caring for five other patients. I'd thought we had developed something of a rapport over the night... until the resident rounded in the morning and she completely lambasted me to the doctor: "This has been the worst night of my life! Nobody did anything for my pain, I felt like I was alone, what sort of hospital are you running and were you trying to kill me or just ignore me to death?" This while I was standing right at the door with the fourth IV push fentanyl of the night. She looked right in my eyes and lied. Then, after he'd left to write new orders, she smiled sweetly at me and asked for help repositioning. My jaw hit the ground so hard it left a bruise. Oi, some people...

[JDZ344]

My pain is a 10/10 (or better yet a 20) all while kicked back in bed, smiling and laughing on their cell phone......

I don't know about you but the few times I have truly experienced a 10/10 pain, I was in tears, restless and barely able to articulate what I was feeling.

Pain severity is probably what I hear fibbed about the most.

I am truly fortunate in that I have experienced possible maximum 5/10. I can't even imagine a 10/10 pain. I can't imagine wanting to talk, certainly not to be eating.

[TeeKay12]

"Oh, are those really old, healed tracks on my arms right next to the new ones? Yes, I have been stealing and shooting up Phenergan, but only in the last two weeks" (A nurse who had realized she could steal phenergan and not be caught, because it's not controlled).

"Yes, I know I have liver disease. No, I've not had an alcoholic drink in years" (while smelling like a distillery)

The worst though was the patient who as a "Para-pa-leegic". She made us do everything for her, told us she was even too weak to transfer to her chair on her own. Yeah. Funny how when I looked into the room via the window we have on the wall, I saw her up and WALKING! WALKING, I tell you. This woman's family was convinced she hadn't walked in over 20 years. She had calluses on the bottoms of her feet!

[linda040503]

The pregnant patient in L&D that had this to say after the nurse doing the vag exam pulled out a baggy of cocaine from the patient's lady parts--- "That's not mine"!

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

The pregnant patient in L&D that had this to say after the nurse doing the vag exam pulled out a baggy of cocaine from the patient's lady parts--- "That's not mine"!

It's not, it was the baby's. He was holding it for a friend.