Odd situation

Published

Hello all.. I am a huge fan of Allnurses and I decided to make this account to ask for some opinions. Let me start off by saying I don't want any advice as I don't plan on being involved in the situation or anything like that. It's just something happening at work that I haven't seen before and everyone else on the floor (and others) thinks it's odd, too, but I'm so new to nursing that I don't have much to go on here so I just wanted to know what everyone else thought.

There is a new male nurse at this facility that had the assignment of a young child (10 years old). This child's mother is a frequent flyer and staff knows her well. She is kind of odd herself, and is not mentally "all there", as we say. Anyway. Mom and daughter are discharged, only to come back two days later.. To visit this nurse, because he asked them to. He is interested in adopting this child. The mother is interested in giving him her child. Now, the information I have comes from the nurse himself, as he is open about the situation and is excited because he has tried in the past to adopt but has been unsuccessful (he didn't elaborate). I also witnessed the child being brought to the facility by another family member on two more occasions where they shared lunch and spent time with the nurse.

Is it just me and the fact that I don't have much experience? Or does this strike anyone else as weird? Is this something that is more common than what I think? I read threads about nurses adopting babies from the NICU and things like that, but couldn't find anything else.

I guess what is the weird factor here is that the nurse and patient/patient family had just met and had only had a few hours of knowing each other (nurse is from out of state). So, during this single encounter, that nurse had to have mentioned something about wanting the child, or at least about wanting the child to come back to visit, within the only 4-5 hours of having interacted with them.

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The only possible explanation I can personally think of is perhaps there were pre-existing arrangements between this nurse and this woman, and that her son ended up a patient of his when you first saw her was sheer coincidence.

If if this nurse met this woman through her son being his patient, and he then proceeded to use the nurse/patient relationship to make arrangements to adopt her child.... that is extremely unethical, to say the least.

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There's no doubt the nurse met the mother through the patient. This nurse is very new and is from out of state, and had admitted to this being the first time they've met (extremely obscure, small, rural area in the first place). Also, the patient is a 10 year old girl. Not sure if that makes a difference because the whole thing would be weird either way, given that they've only known each other for such a short time.

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Specializes in Postpartum, Med Surg, Home Health.

Who knows what the mother told this nurse, maybe she said she doesn't want the child and wants to put her up for adoption or something and the nurse saw his chance?

Why is the mother or girl a frequent flyer? Are there any suspicions of abuse? Maybe this is the child's way of crying out for help? She's 10, I find it odd that they are discussing adoption in front of her...

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Specializes in Home Health (PDN), Camp Nursing.

Is it odd? Yea for sure. It it any stranger than an agency or website that matches children with adoptive parents... I don't think so. PA has a website with pictures and biographies of children up for adoption, it feels like a dating site. I don't think it's worse to say I met your birth mother in the hospital, as opposed to I saw your picture on a website.

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Specializes in UR/PA, Hematology/Oncology, Med Surg, Psych.

I would be totally creeped out. Weird, weird, weird in my opinion. There could be a reasonable explanation I suppose, but with the information you presented, this sounds strange in lots of ways.

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Absolutely unethical, illegal in the fact that it goes wildly against patient privacy, conflict of interest a host of other things. The single worse case of breech of professional boundaries I have heard in awhile.

This warrants a report to Child Protective Services. As this nurse is being "open" means that he is bringing ya'll into his depraved way of thinking. And as mandated reporters, I would not hesitate. And said nurse needs to be reported. This is not just a little error in judgment. This is huge and involves a child who is old enough to "get" what the adults around her are saying, but can have lasting consequences on her psyche.

With all that being said, this poor child and what she has to endure with a mother who is eager to give her up for adoption, to a virtual stranger....the whole thing is so damaging to that child. I would report it sooner rather than later, s unfortunately, you now know, and it is your ethical duty to act on what you know.

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this. And hoping that it is not real life, but a homework question or something of that nature. However, what I do know is that grownups can be as insane as they would like to be, but not when you have a child. (or when one is a nurse) And the focus of you, and every other nurse who heard this situation, needs to be on that child.

Going forward, and after reporting this for the child's protection, I would really stay out of these crazy converations. "I do not want to discuss this situation with you" and walk away. That you, or a group of you, are "finding it odd" but still continue to have conversation about the situation is troubling.

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

Have you also considered that his interest in adopting a female child may not be entirely wholesome?

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

*******

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Specializes in Home Health (PDN), Camp Nursing.

@jadelpn

this is is not the hill I want to die on I agree with most of what you say. However I can't see where this situation crosses the line between unethical and illegal, as you claim. It's not illegal to have interactions with patents and families after discharge, just an ethical danger zone. Also your reading a lot into inferring "depraved thinking" of the nurse in question. I like to thinks there are good intentions all around, unless specific evidence otherwise. It does seem strange and I agree that protective services should be engaged to make sure everything is on the up and up. I would stow the torch and pitchforks, and let the professionals take it from there. At the end of the day all adoptions have to go before a judge so ultimately there will be someone who is quite interested in the circumstances of the situation, I'm sure there will be much explaining to do.

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

The whole thing is very odd and if the mother is not "all there, as we say". In nursing we really wouldn't be using colloquial terms like that because what we have is a possible psych diagnosis and exploitation by a licensed professional.

I personally find it odd that only thing you asked the board to tell you is if it's weird or not, like maybe a few of us might think it's not weird? Sorry to sound blunt but why would you not want to refer that to a third party? There's a minor child involved here as well so you are probably in a mandatory reporting scenario.

The weird thing is just the other day I recalled this thread all about a nurse who says she actually did adopt her 9 year old patient and apparently everything worked out fine. I may be jaded, but not hopelessly so.

My 9 year old patient was raped and required surgery

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
@jadelpn

this is is not the hill I want to die on I agree with most of what you say. However I can't see where this situation crosses the line between unethical and illegal, as you claim. It's not illegal to have interactions with patents and families after discharge, just an ethical danger zone. Also your reading a lot into inferring "depraved thinking" of the nurse in question. I like to thinks there are good intentions all around, unless specific evidence otherwise. It does seem strange and I agree that protective services should be engaged to make sure everything is on the up and up. I would stow the torch and pitchforks, and let the professionals take it from there. At the end of the day all adoptions have to go before a judge so ultimately there will be someone who is quite interested in the circumstances of the situation, I'm sure there will be much explaining to do.

Sure, but for me, if something were to happen to that child later and EVERYONE knew about it and could've intervened, then the responsibility will fall under these nurses.

Human trafficking is real..."adoption" can be a code for arraigning a transaction.

Get CPS and law enforcement involved, even anonymously. You can be saving this child's life.

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