Someone Please talk to ME....I am Brokenhearted

  1. A tough, difficult weekend in OB for me.....we had a 23-week lady (hx infertility x6 years) come in with "just a few cramps and pink tinged mucus" for evaluation. She was smiling, and very very upbeat. Not for long.....u OB nurses can guess what happens next.......

    Upshot, telescoping membranes, 3cm cervix, perfect fetal strip, however..... put into trendelenburg, indocin, magnesium, you-name-it to TRY and save the pregnancy, but of course, it failed. Water broke after 6 hours of all this stuff and naturally the poor family begged us to "do everything"......what could we do? 23 weeks is just too soon..........they then revised their wishes to "comfort measures"....which was done.

    The baby was born mid-day, initial apgar, 5 and then died. HOW SAD.....It brought back all my sadness of all my losses (4 in 2 years recently). I did ok with them, I really was strong, but spent the weekend in tears once my shifts were over.........still so emotionally overwrought and tired.....and just plain ragged. Just needed to vent. Nothing anyone could do for that family and nothing anyone can do for me either. I guess my miscarriages/losses are still bothering me a great deal. More than I want to admit even to myself. When will I just get on with it????? :angryfire

    Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel whole again. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing in OB. It's such a "happy" place to work.....til crap like this happens to good people...oh and this is the 3rd 23/24 week loss in 2 weeks. This sucks.

    Thank you for listening. I am getting all worked up again ugh. :uhoh21:
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Apr 12, '04
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  3. by   RN-PA
    ((((((HUGS)))))) I'm so sorry-- for the family's loss and for you and all you're re-experiencing, Deb. I don't have any wisdom to offer, but wanted you to know I have you on my prayer list from your recent miscarriage. :kiss

    I never had children, but my sister experienced 5 early miscarriages (she has two daughters, thank God), so our family learned a lot about the pain losing a child brings-- no matter how far along a woman is in her pregnancy.

    I know that your tears are healing, and God sometimes shows me through tears and my emotions that I haven't fully dealt with something thoroughly. Maybe some short-term counseling would help you, or joining a support group, if you could might be of some help.

    I wish I could help somehow, but I hear you and feel for you, and I know the members of this board are here for you as well. I will keep praying.
  4. by   NHLPN
    I'm sorry. **Hugs** from here in NH.
  5. by   CCU NRS
    It is always hard when we lose one but it must be especially hard in your circumstances. I can only offer support and a shoulder to cry on I am available anytime for venting via email, PM, IM, or this very forum. Good luck with everything and remember Let GO Let God!
    Last edit by CCU NRS on Apr 12, '04 : Reason: to correct spelling and typos
  6. by   karenmcd
    It is very difficult to handle situations like these. Why do bad things happen to good people???? You are correct. Some things we question over and over but I am not sure we are supposed to know the answer to all these things. Is there anything that you can take from this experience that is good? Did you go home and hug everyone in your life that you are thankful for? The hard part of nursing is dealing with heartbreaking experiences. It would be a sin for you to leave the OB department over feelings of sadness. It would be more of a benefit to the community that you are in to remain in your area because you are a good shoulder for a mother to cry on. You have been there yourself. You can show sympathy in a way that others cannot. You can understand how a mother feels in a way most cannot. You know what to say to her when most of us don't. I say she is lucky to have had a nurse like you to care for her. Why not use your deep feelings to improve upon the program in your hospital that deals with infant deaths. Improve the special items you give mom's when this happens. Write a poem that fits the situation and make it a foot print card for the unit to use. Or get some empty craft boxes from Michael's (the brown ones that need decorated) and create some that hold all the things you give to her to take with her as a rememberance of the baby. You get the idea.....take your experience and create some goodness from it.
  7. by   iceNICUnurse
    Just wanted to send you a Hug... or a kiss :kiss
    I know this is are a hero!

    love from Iceland
  8. by   jnette
    ((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) Deb.

    So very sorry for your patient, her family, and for you. Don't know that I could be as strong... know that your strength in these circumstances means more than you could imagine to your patient... strength in heartfelt empathy will be long remembered and appreciated when her initial grief and pain subside.

    I can only imagine how it brings your own pain of loss and sorrow fresh to mind and heart.

    I can only hope that there was a very good reason that these pregnancies did not go fullterm... and I know you've probably heard that until it makes you want to choke the next person who says that... I also know it does not ease your pain one iota... but I must attempt to make sense of it somehow.

    It's the best I can do. And I can offer you my ear, my shoulder and my heart.

    Because of your own pain, you have so much to offer those who experience these tragic losses... as well as being able to truly rejoice with those beautiful healthy births.

    You are using your experiences (both good and sad) to the benefit of your patients, and by so doing, you yourself grow and heal. You WILL heal...never forget, but heal.

    Again, (((HUGS)))
  9. by   Tweety
    Hugs. You're right where you're supposed to be, because you have so much compassion.
  10. by   bagladyrn
    Nothing I can offer but (((Hugs))) Deb. I'm so sorry to see you have to go through this, but know that you are the best possible person for helping these families deal with such a difficult time.
  11. by   MandyInMS
    Thoughts and prayers are with you hun (((hugzzzzzzz)))
  12. by   mitchsmom
  13. by   kids
    They say time heals all wounds. The truth is some hurts never go away.
    For me, years later the even joyful things can bring it all rushing back like it was yesterday, sometimes so bad I feel the physical pain of it.

    Deb, I have nothing to offer but my hugs & thoughts.
  14. by   Energizer Bunny
    ((((((((Deb)))))))) I have had a miscarriage in the past and know how difficult they are. you are a super, compassionate, wonderful woman to be working that floor and overcoming all your adversities! The family was lucky to have you there!!!! Keep your chin up!