Someone Please talk to ME....I am Brokenhearted

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

A tough, difficult weekend in OB for me.....we had a 23-week lady (hx infertility x6 years) come in with "just a few cramps and pink tinged mucus" for evaluation. She was smiling, and very very upbeat. Not for long.....u OB nurses can guess what happens next.......

Upshot, telescoping membranes, 3cm cervix, perfect fetal strip, however..... put into trendelenburg, indocin, magnesium, you-name-it to TRY and save the pregnancy, but of course, it failed. Water broke after 6 hours of all this stuff and naturally the poor family begged us to "do everything"......what could we do? 23 weeks is just too soon..........they then revised their wishes to "comfort measures"....which was done.

The baby was born mid-day, initial apgar, 5 and then died. HOW SAD.....It brought back all my sadness of all my losses (4 in 2 years recently). I did ok with them, I really was strong, but spent the weekend in tears once my shifts were over.........still so emotionally overwrought and tired.....and just plain ragged. Just needed to vent. Nothing anyone could do for that family and nothing anyone can do for me either. I guess my miscarriages/losses are still bothering me a great deal. More than I want to admit even to myself. When will I just get on with it????? :angryfire

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel whole again. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing in OB. It's such a "happy" place to work.....til crap like this happens to good people...oh and this is the 3rd 23/24 week loss in 2 weeks. This sucks. :crying2:

Thank you for listening. I am getting all worked up again ugh. :uhoh21:

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

thank you all for the kind words. I sure did NOT expect SO many responses....such kind well-placed words mean more than you can know. I know I will be ok but right now, wow am I wreck. Can you believe, I can 'tstop crying? what is so rough about this one, I don't know.....but it is. the profound sense of loss, her looking at me, asking me "how do I go on with a normal life?"

I told her, "you have to learn to re-define what is "normal" in context of this horrible loss. Somedays, it's all you can do to go thru each MINUTE let alone a whole day. You have to take it one minute, one hour and one day at a time trying not to think too far ahead in order to stay sane....I know the anger you feel, the denial, disbelieve. I have been there and I am willing to listen if you want to talk". I hope I helped them ---somehow. I know their pain----it is just unspeakable.

Thank you for caring; as usual, my all nurses sibs came thru! you all are so great. :)

Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

That's very sad, Deb, and your recent losses make it even sadder. If you have any say in the matter, talk to your NM and see if you can take a pass on that type of pt for a while--if one comes in and you're up for the next admit, negotiate w/ a co-worker to see if you can swap. One would hope your colleagues would be compassionate enough to help out. It is really more than you can handle right now.

I don't think you're going to be able to 'get on with it' right now, and I don't think you should expect yourself to, either. Get emotional support right now--a therapist, a support group--you need it and you deserve it!!!

{{{{{{{DEB}}}}}}}

Take care of yourself Deb. She was lucky to have you to comfort her, and now you need to give yourself permission to comfort yourself. I know it sounds strange, but I sometimes feel like the world gives me little hints when I don't get it right the first time around. My grandma died the day before I started nursing school and I just kind of threw myself into school and avoided it. I mean, I cried and all, but I thought I was over it way before I was. Then my first patient was a dying older lady with the same name as my grandma, and the family was so much like mine it was freakish. I wondered if God was trying to tell me something.

If you need to cry, then that's what you need to do. If you need a break from work, then take it. Sometimes we just have to experience it all and nothing can make it easier other than knowing it will get better. I hope you surround yourself with the love of your family and friends and know that they are all there for you, just like all of us.

Specializes in ED staff.

Bad things always come in 3's. You think that perhaps this patient was "sent" to you because you could help each other? You have unresolved "issues", they always come back to bite you when you least expect it. Let yourself grieve, I'm sorry I didn't see the part about your own losses until I read your post again. You've been through a lot. We often help ourselves more when we help someone else. Sounds like you've been holding it all in for a very long time. Maybe it's just time now. I am sure I speak for all of when I say we're here for you to vent to for as long as you need to. xoxoxo Wendy

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I have been trying to keep it together... and done a good job...now it's just too much and I am tired of being stong. I am tired of being the "brave one"....tired of the sadness, repressed so I can go on for my own family and kids.....to be there for them. I wish I could run away. I guess it's just too soon. My last loss was in January and it was the hardest one yet.

I am not a green nurse; I have seen losses like this before, many of them, but for some reason this one bothers me horrendously. I can hardly stand it... Ugh, tears , I hate these. I hate feeling like this. Where is the freakin chocolate??????????????????????????????

Specializes in Gerontological Nursing, Acute Rehab.

I've got 3 basketful's of chocolate, Deb, come on over!

sending deb a box of [candy]

It is the threads like this one that show how nurses can pull together and take care of one another, it does my heart good to see. We often have heated debate but when one ofour number is low and feeling the pain and stress we ban together.

Kudos to all!!!

Specializes in Med-surg; OB/Well baby; pulmonology; RTS.

((((((deb))))))...

i'm so sorry for your patient. i'm sorry it brought you pain too. :o

i told her, "you have to learn to re-define what is "normal" in context of this horrible loss. somedays, it's all you can do to go thru each minute let alone a whole day. you have to take it one minute, one hour and one day at a time trying not to think too far ahead in order to stay sane....i know the anger you feel, the denial, disbelieve. i have been there and i am willing to listen if you want to talk". i hope i helped them ---somehow. i know their pain----it is just unspeakable.
this is perfect deb....perfect. you probably do not feel like it now, but you helped this patient and her husband.

i think you need to take time for you....it is hard when you have had a loss and have those moments where you have to be strong for your spouse or your other children-yes, they need support...but you do to.

are you doing anything to help "work" through your grief? i know someone mentioned rts-does your hospital have this program? if they do, go to a meeting to talk about your feelings. i can't tell you how much it helps to be with others who get it. there are also great support systems online where you can post about your feelings and get reinforcement.

other things are keeping a journal-you can write about being sad, angry, jealous, hurt....get those feelings out.

i hope i haven't upset you by replying here. you are not alone in your pain...you know? it takes time...how long...i wish i could tell you. it has been 21 months since blake died-i have my good days and i have the bad days still where i could care less if i got out of bed or not. it is exactly like you told your patient...having to take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

if i can help you in anyway, let me know. i am an email away!

i hope tomorrow is a better day for you! :kiss

(((((deb)))))

ginger

Specializes in RETIRED Cath Lab/Cardiology/Radiology.

Thinking of you, Deb, and you, Ginger, and how your experiences humble me with your fragile yet amazingly powerful spirit. You lift others when you yourself are hurting as much, as well. Why?? Not because it's "my job." We have all cared for extraordinary people in horrendously adverse situations who, after touching our lives, have left us merely shaking our heads in wonderment at their grace, their beautiful spirit.

Deb, you emptied of yourself and came here to be filled again. Ginger and others, you help lift and carry the weary, and strengthen the trembling. I don't think it's exclusively a "nurse" thing, it's a human "thing." Thank you for what you all give. I wish I could take the pain away for you; we all hurt, to some degree -- sometimes more, sometimes the edges are blurred. . . You are all in my prayers.

Sorry so disjointed . . . hard to put some feelings into words.

Specializes in obstetrics(high risk antepartum, L/D,etc.

Deb, I've been priviledged to be a labor and delivery nurse for ---40---years. I know how it hurts when we don't have a great outcome, no matter what the reason. It is time to cry, morn, and take care of Deb for a while. Try to find a nice psychologist or social worker to listen while you talk it out. It really makes a world of difference.

Remember, everything was done to rescue this baby, and no one, especially you, needs to feel that they should have done something or not done something.

It has been said that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle, but sometimes it seems like He has over rated us. This will work out and the experience will benefit someone sometime. It is hard to find a way out of the deep, dark hole that seems to swallow us up at times like this, but somehow we find a way.

My prayers are with you, Deb, and the family, the baby, your babies, for all the little angels that smile down from Heaven.

I thank God for every family and every little life that I touch, and I cry for those that don't "make it".

I have always found your postings to be thoughtful, and have read them with great interest. I know you well enough through these, that I know you will turn out okey, but it takes time. Give yourself time.

Dearest Deb

Have a day to yourself where you dont clean you dont work where you dont do anything but for you. When you are at home have a long bath I am surtant that your husband will not begruge you the time. And most importantly dont beat yourself up.

Talk to support groups they are wonderful people that have been where you are I should know I am in one. Big hugs and lots of chocolate.

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