I was severely physically and sexually abused for 12 years by several immediate family members. After years of therapy, I've gone on to a great life with a wonderful husband and kids and, until recently, was very excited about overcoming my learned helplessness and finding my self esteem as I began to achieve my dream of becoming a nurse.
After two years of hard work through A&P, Bio, Micro, Chem and advanced math, I finally start clinicals in August. I'm embarrassed to admit, however, that I'm beginning to fear some care necessary for male patients. Watching scrotal dressings brings up feelings of nausea. The idea of giving a sentient male patient a bed bath makes me anxious. Stories of nurses being hit while dealing with drugged out patients worry me. And while I understand there's no intent, stories about male Alzheimer patients groping or striking their nurses frighten me. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do what my job requires without dredging up a lot of terrible memories.
I discussed this with a therapist and put a lot of careful thought into it before I started school and felt confident I would be fine. As the reality nears, however, and I continue to hear horror stories from nursing friends, I'm thinking I was overconfident.
Have any abuse survivors been able to overcome this?
I can relate to your situation, but for some reason.. I don't fear the situations that may arise. I agree you should continue to talk to your therapist, but also consider volunteering. I feel bad saying "you'll be OK", (people say that and have no idea how much the person is struggling) but I honestly feel that way. Yes, you will have uncomfortable moments. But things will work out. Wish you all the best on your journey. I start in fall as well.
Maybe you can discuss with your therapist a more cognitive behavioral approach to this new set of circumstances. Because you are married, and have children, you have been put in positions before that puts a positive light on what your negative learned response has always been. So you CAN do this. Develop some coping skills with your therapist. Caring for male patients is so very non-sexual. Groping demented patients are uncomfortable for everyone. If a demented patient is sexually inappropriate, then as a health care team y'all got to come up with some sort of plan. And remember, it is the illness that is causing the behavior. But it does need to be dealt with in a quick manner. Scrotal dressings is not something in my years of nursing I have done--and my guess is that they are few and far between. Bed baths and peri care--hand the patient the face cloth, they can wash themselves. If they are unable to do that, get yourself hooked up with a really good CNA, do bed baths with her (or him)
and really concentrate your therapy between now and then on some coping mechanisms. You CAN do this!!
Thank you, all. This is reassuring. I've heard stories from well-meaning friends who tell me about patients with some nursing predilection coming on to them or exposing themselves every time the nurse walked in. It's not sex or male genitalia itself that causes anxiety but unwanted sexual attention and aggressiveness. Hearing that this is rare eases my fears.
Like most, the reason I want to go into nursing is to help others. There were other problems in my childhood (severe domestic violence, poverty, divorces and suicide) that I think will help me empathize with kids in chaotic and dysfunctional situations. After my mother died when I was very young, I began doing housework and caring for my siblings (and later stepsiblings) which taught me hard work and how to comfort and nurturing kids. So while I have some fears, I think my past prepares me for nursing in other ways. I do fear becoming too emotionally attached which I hear can be a problem in nursing.
As a rape victim, many things freak me out, but patient care isn't really one of them (I worked in LTC).
The first time you give a male patient a bath is a little akward for everyone.
But you get use to it.
It's almost theraputic. You become more comfortable with certain parts of the human anatomy, you learn to view them in a nonsexual manner, you learn through giving care that some people undress and touch things to help, not to hurt.
Some memory care patients are a little flirty, but many are harmless, and just want to tell you you are pretty, some just want a hug, some will say sexual things, I've never personally been groped but many do want to hold your hand. They aren't that threatening, though. I did get scared when I was in a room alone with a large male patient and he grabbed me, as I felt cornered...but then all he did was give me a hug.
Somethings might bother you, but if you kep trying you may get use to it. Even things that will always bother you, you might learn how to not show it, find a coping mechanism, etc. If you are willing to do the things that make you nervous, I doubt it will affect your patient care.
Honestly, there aren't hundreds of clinical days, there is a good chance that you can make it through clinical without some of what you mentioned. Bed baths and peri care on male patients you will probably have to do, I would say just prep yourself for it. You said you have kids, I would train your mind to believe it is no different than cleaning up after a child, it is really, just a really big child. It's just something that has to be done, no one can sit in their own waste or go weeks without a bath. If you want to be a nurse I know you have compassion, that's really all you need to get you through it the first few times. I can't imagine what you went through and I am by no means trying to minimize it but I really think you get through school and then once you graduate don't put yourself in a specialty that deals with what makes you uncomfortable. I wish you the best!
I can relate. Although not the main reason, this is one reason I am an OB nurse. I tried doing med/surg, but I never felt comfortable taking care of male patients. I would say stick with peds, OB, or something similar.
Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
As a student, you can let your clinical instructors know about what's going on with you and ask that they assign you patients accordingly. They can assign you a cooperative, A&Ox3 male who doesn't need help with his peri-care, or they can assign you an almost comatose patient who will not be a threat to you. You can do your bed-baths on female patients to show clinical competency. You can do Foley catheters on female patients to show competency in that regard.
Your school should make these accommodations to you based upon the recommendation of your therapist. And as long as you know the "book knowledge" related to male anatomy, you'll be able to pass your NCLEX and get your license.
If the OP wants to minimize having to care for adult male patients, her stated preferences for Neuro & Ortho would not be the best areas. Most trauma is composed of males aged 18-35. Nowadays, post ortho-surgical patients don't have very long stays, but after the pain is controlled, they tend to get rather bored and 'act out' with the nursing staff. Post-op crani & head injury patients can be very unpredictable and the resultant behavior can be very "id-driven" especially for frontal lobe injuries.
I agree with PPs that have suggested Peds or Women's health areas.
You know, I think the OP should get through the program and then see whats open in her area, and by the end of nursing school...she will be a very different person looking at specialty jobs in a different way!!!!
I was sexually abused as a child, and I understand where your feelings are coming from.
I have however, in my job, never been hit, touched inappropriately, or done any intimate procedures on a male patient (besides assisting with washes obviously, but you encourage the patients to wash where they can themselves, such as privates) without another nursing being present. In fact, some facilities have rules where another nurse has to be present to do intimate procedures due to potential allegations.
When you start doing practical experience, none of what you will do will be alone. You will also find that you kind of "switch off", and don't view that as a member like you would in the real world, but as a dressing that needs to be changed, or a catheter that needs to be inserted.
You also could have the option of, upon graduation, going into an area where there is less of a chance of this occurring, or nil chance. Such as NICU etc. And perhaps staying clear of ER and psychiatry where there is a higher chance of assault occurring.
I don't think you should let your abuse get in the way of nursing. There is aplenty of avenues once you get your certificate, and plenty of time for more therapy too. Those physical abuse stories that we heart about are actually not that common in my experience.
lovedijah
234 Posts
I can relate to your situation, but for some reason.. I don't fear the situations that may arise. I agree you should continue to talk to your therapist, but also consider volunteering. I feel bad saying "you'll be OK", (people say that and have no idea how much the person is struggling) but I honestly feel that way. Yes, you will have uncomfortable moments. But things will work out. Wish you all the best on your journey. I start in fall as well.