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I was severely physically and sexually abused for 12 years by several immediate family members. After years of therapy, I've gone on to a great life with a wonderful husband and kids and, until recently, was very excited about overcoming my learned helplessness and finding my self esteem as I began to achieve my dream of becoming a nurse.
After two years of hard work through A&P, Bio, Micro, Chem and advanced math, I finally start clinicals in August. I'm embarrassed to admit, however, that I'm beginning to fear some care necessary for male patients. Watching scrotal dressings brings up feelings of nausea. The idea of giving a sentient male patient a bed bath makes me anxious. Stories of nurses being hit while dealing with drugged out patients worry me. And while I understand there's no intent, stories about male Alzheimer patients groping or striking their nurses frighten me. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do what my job requires without dredging up a lot of terrible memories.
I discussed this with a therapist and put a lot of careful thought into it before I started school and felt confident I would be fine. As the reality nears, however, and I continue to hear horror stories from nursing friends, I'm thinking I was overconfident.
Have any abuse survivors been able to overcome this?
On my VERY first day of clinical in nursing school, the semi-elderly patient assigned to me proudly informed me that he would "get an erection" if I gave him a bath. I promptly went to my nursing instructor, wide-eyed and confused, and she informed me rather coldly that I would just have to ignore him and/or laugh it off.
I begged a fellow nursing student to assist me in giving him the mandatory bed bath. We got through it, albeit with multiple sexual harassment comments from him. :-/
Fortunately, I was blessed after graduation to get a job working in L&D. I absolutely love nursing now, but I hesitated all throughout nursing school whether I would make it as a nurse due to the fact that I continually seemed to get patient assignments in which the patients were sexually inappropriate and I was always really sensitive to that...due to multiple reasons in my past.
I wish you the best.
I think I would be ok with a neuro or dementia patient, because they aren't really aware of what they're doing. It's the ones who should know better that look at you like a thing that can be used and manipulated. The instructor said you'll get men of all ages on Med-Surg who will ask you to pay extra care to their member during bedbaths or try to shove your face down into their crotch, and she said it happens ALL. THE. TIME. Seriously?!
Hmmmmmmmm. I work med surg. I have had a FEW "hold the urinals" who could have done it on their own. But no pt has ever tried to shove my face down in their crotch or anything like that ! Nor have I heard of this happening to anyone else on my floor. In my experience most of anything inappropriate has come from someone with dementia or significant psych history ( the kind that has had many trips to locked psych wards). Most of the staff reacts by comming up to the nurses' station telling everyone and we all laugh about it. lol. There are some that make really inappropriate comments but I can think of more instances where pts were too embarrassed to allow foleys, straight caths, bed pans etc. Actually my typical day on med surg only includes 1-2 pts that are completely AO3. All these bed bath horror tales are a bit out there. If the pt can reach, they are doing it themselves. IF anyting I think asking the nurse/aide to do it comes from a more sence of lazieness for most than of some sexual creepiness. I reply with a ," I think you can do that on your own." Obvioulsy you have to know when that is true.
Did your mother (or whomever) ever tell you "they're more afraid of you than you are of them"?
The same is usually true of patients. Trust me, most of them don't want you touching them, even SEEING them, especially their personal areas! You might actually be a better nurse because of your respect of boundaries. Plus, you never know if those patients were abused themselves in the past.
I know to a very very small extent what you are experiencing. It doesn't effect my job but it does effect my physical relationship with my boyfriend and rears its ugly head when I am not expecting it. So...I can unfortunately imagine what sorts of flashbacks you are experiencing. I am so sorry that those you loved and trusted did those things to you. With my past, I can ignore one person and be done with it. I hope and pray that you successfully continue your therapy. I also hope and pray that you do succeed as a nurse because I think you will excel!
Just to echo some of the posts already, my experience has been those who can be threatening can do it themselves. Your job will be to set up the bed bath, wash cloth and provide privacy. Those who cannot are just not that threatening.. because they cannot do it themselves. I was fortunate enough to have awesome clinical instructors in LTC facilities who told me this is their home, some can, do and will masturbate etc. and our job is to knock and again provide privacy. I've only had one person masturbate during my shift (that I knew about) I said exuse me and closed the curtain. I would echo to avoid the prisons and psych. Best Wishes!
I think I would be ok with a neuro or dementia patient, because they aren't really aware of what they're doing. It's the ones who should know better that look at you like a thing that can be used and manipulated. The instructor said you'll get men of all ages on Med-Surg who will ask you to pay extra care to their member during bedbaths or try to shove your face down into their crotch, and she said it happens ALL. THE. TIME. Seriously?!
OP, I can't imagine what you've gone through and I hope everything works out for you!
While waiting upon acceptance into my city's RN progam I decided to start work as a CNA. I think a lot of female care givers worry about coming into contact with male patients or residents who will sexually harrass them or physically hurt them. I was worried as we started covering some of these topics during my CNA program... Pulling back foreskin and washing memberes really got me wondering about what could happen. Females in my class began asking questions and my teacher told us that we would come into contact with men and women masturbating, errections while giving peri care etc. My teacher told us many horror stories, one of which included a face getting shoved into a naked crotch. Apparently the student NA was showering a man who is usually abrasive. She was kneeled in front of him while washing his legs and he grabbed her hair and shoved her face in his lap. The girl crying, left the resident in the shower and found our teacher. My teacher said it was her fault for being in front of him. She told us, always stand to the side. Many of the posters commented on tactics they use to avoid sexual harrassment. It could happen more easily, of course, if your guard is down or you have yourself in a vulnerable position such as this student was in.
I was scared and worried after hearing this stuff... During clinicals I was given an all male group. I began CNA training in June and am working now. During clinicals in LTC and an Alzheimer's facility, I came across flirty male residents as well as an Alzheimer's res who masturbated openly. Now that I work in an ortho station as a CNA, I've come across a broad spectrum of patients. Young, old, demented, infected, amputated, etc. In ortho I currently have a guy who is supposed to get out of bed to use the toilet... Instead he uses a urinal and poops his brief just to be touched. He always tells us girls to get in there and wipe his scrotem. In the same room is a guy who has a huge Media collection (around 20 DVDs) and watches them all the time on a lap top. Another guy is pretty flirty whom I wash every two days. He's not very creepy or anything but he gets errect in the shower. He washes his own genitals. In fact, every guy but two that I have come across so far in ortho have demonstrated some sort of sexuality... But that's normal... Guys are... guys.
Of the two that haven't, one is an amputee who is extremely underweight and has difficulty speaking, and the other is an amputee whose wife visits frequently (although he calls me babe despite my efforts to be called by name).
In this short amount of time, these are things I have seen as a CNA. As a nurse, however, I think you wouldn't be exposed to these types of situations nearly as much.
I have never been touched inappropriately at work and have never heard a CNA told me he or she was in my facility.
Goodluck! I would advise you to tough it out until you can land your dream job in whatever specialty you choose! Hugs!
I have no nursing horror stories of that kind, it does not happen to everyone..I was assaulted and severely beaten 6 years ago so I can relate to some of your anxiety about being hit..I think you just keep your wits about you , get through school and then like you said pick a field where you are less likely to encounter situations where these things might come up..I probably would not work as a CNA though.lol...really when you are at work dealing with the situation at hand you will be too busy getting through the moment and focused on your job to think about the past stuff..
It gets easier but it never goes away. You'll learn different ways to deal with it. PTSD may pose you a problem a some point. I wouldn't tell your employer about it at first. They probably wouldn't hire you to be honest. You are however protected under the disabilities act. Once you've landed a job, if it looks like you're not going to be able to do all that is require, at least you can fall back on the disabilities act and there's really nothing your employer can do at that point. They must make "reasonable accommmodations" :)
Kristin
Jval, first, your stories echo exactly what my professor said. And the whole idea that "guys are guys" so they will molest you, masturbate in front of you, collect vast amounts of Media, or poops so girls will clean his scrotum pretty much sums up my perception of 99% of men. Stories like these make me wonder if there are any men out there who are honorable in their sexuality and treat women with respect. Because I grew up believing (and seeing) that all men will try to molest or rape or cheat if they believe they can get away with it. At the very least, they're always leering at you and thinking about it. I know that's not really true of all men (although sadly, for too many men). I'm trying hard to change that perception because I know it's warped although male friends I've talked to sheepishly admit a lot of guys think of women as bodies first and people second.
The fact that your teacher said it was your fault for being in front of him makes me ill! That's like blaming a rape victim and saying she asked for it! If a teacher told me that, I'd leave immediately.
I'm realizing now that I still have a long way to go in therapy.
no all men are not pigs..there are a lot of kind considerate men out there who respect women..you really do teach people how to treat you though, so just keep a crisp air of professionalism about you and even the piggiest pig will have to respect you,,your teacher is an idiot,,she is setting your class up to accept the unacceptable.,,
wish_me_luck, BSN, RN
1,110 Posts
you know, I re-read what your posts say as far as your instructor goes...have you ever considered that he/she is trying to scare some people away from nursing? For whatever reason, some instructors try to weed people out. I would let it go in one ear and out the other.