Nursing and sexual abuse history

[leekaye]

I was severely physically and sexually abused for 12 years by several immediate family members. After years of therapy, I've gone on to a great life with a wonderful husband and kids and, until recently, was very excited about overcoming my learned helplessness and finding my self esteem as I began to achieve my dream of becoming a nurse.

After two years of hard work through A&P, Bio, Micro, Chem and advanced math, I finally start clinicals in August. I'm embarrassed to admit, however, that I'm beginning to fear some care necessary for male patients. Watching scrotal dressings brings up feelings of nausea. The idea of giving a sentient male patient a bed bath makes me anxious. Stories of nurses being hit while dealing with drugged out patients worry me. And while I understand there's no intent, stories about male Alzheimer patients groping or striking their nurses frighten me. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do what my job requires without dredging up a lot of terrible memories.

I discussed this with a therapist and put a lot of careful thought into it before I started school and felt confident I would be fine. As the reality nears, however, and I continue to hear horror stories from nursing friends, I'm thinking I was overconfident.

Have any abuse survivors been able to overcome this?

[AnonRNC]

My heart goes out to you. I was sexually abused, albeit for 'only' a few months, and I don't believe it ever completely leaves one.

Three thoughts

* talk to your therapist about your newly surging fears.

* approach the director of your nursing program with documentation from your therapist and ask for accomodation.

* In what area of nursing do you intend to practice (after graduation)

[leekaye]

I'm not sure about specialty yet. I've always wanted to help kids so NICU is a big interest. I also like OR, ICU and Neuro. I've thought about L&D too because of the low incidence of male pregnancies.

Seriously, though, will a hospital make exceptions based on a therapist's recommendation? A nurse friend of mine said I shouldn't even mention it because some hospitals don't want to hire someone with a history of psychotherapy.

[minnymi]

do not go into a job interview spilling all your beans. they don't want an employee who needs ANY special considerations even if it's just, "i can't work on mondays." they will definitely not agree to shield you from male patients in any form.

i would say just keep going to therapy and dealing with your past. realize that while you can't predict what anyone is going to do EVER...it's very, very unlikely that you will be abused by a patient.

when i have to approach a dementia patient who has been known to "grope" i shield myself discreetly. for example, if i'm taking a temperature, i stand back and hold the thermometer with my arm across my breasts and use the other hand to place the probe in their mouth.

all of the areas you mentioned seem like pretty good choices considering your fears. what exceptions exactly are you thinking they should/would be able to make if you were to ask?

[sauconyrunner]

Hospitals will not make exceptions based on a therapists recommendation....be very careful. They would more likely say that you don't meet the minimum qualifications to be able to do the job.

I would also say that you don't know how you will do until you try it. You may find that the idea is frightening and disturbing, but when you get in the actual situation you find that you are completely able to handle it. One thing that may help is to know that most of the men you will deal with are very vulnerable, and you as the RN will be in a position of authority- as it were.

You could go into a variety of specialities that avoid these things, but to get through school, you will deal with some of them.

I applaud your overcoming the difficulties that life handed you. I hope you will continue to work so that you have success

[leekaye]

I'm not really expecting any preferential treatment. I want to do whatever is asked. I just want to be able to do it well and am worried that I won't be able to.

How do most male patients react to bedside care?

[Stephalump]

The best advice I can give you is to accept that it's perfectly ok to be anxious and worried, and keep moving forward. You are GOING to be afraid, but avoidance only feeds the fear. Keep your support system close to you, keep your boundaries intact, and proceed.

"if you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churxhill

Be proud of yourself for coming as far as you have. You rock :)

[sandyfeet]

Yes.

I was worried about the same thing. I think it's a very normal reaction, and even though the patient is the one who is actually more vulnerable, I felt vulnerable and worried about a similar situation. Sometimes all of the story-sharing will make you focus on the negative instead of focusing on the positive. I encourage you to focus on the positive. Imagine that after all you have experienced, you have managed to overcome adversity and are going to make a difference in the lives of your patients and their families. That is an impressive feat.

The more clinical experience you gain, the better you will become at gauging patients who you need to have your guard up with. And you will start to get a sense of how rare those situations are. Have you ever read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker? You may be interested to read it if you have not read it already.

Feel free to send me a message if you want to talk more. You're not alone.

[SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN]

Most patients, men and women alike, are (in my experience) at very least physically respectful of their nurses. You will do well to shield yourself as others have suggested if you have a patient who may not be A&Ox3 or if you get "that feeling" about them. Often times, if patients do have tendencies such as the ones you're alluding to, whether those tendencies are intentional or not, other nurses can warn you about them in advance if you're coming onto shift.

Make a plan with yourself. What will you do if X happens? How will you react? Play scenarios out in your mind so that if something happens, you've got a plan of action.

Keep in mind that most days, you won't have to deal with this, but you are wise to have it in the back of your mind. You've obviously come through a great deal and it's to your credit that you're willing to go through this. I would strongly suggest that you confide in nurses that you meet along the way. They can provide firsthand, trustworthy advice to help you through this. Be brave!

[TurtleCat]

Thank you for posting this thread, I was planning to go into nursing and was having similar concerns due to a history of abuse. My interest was in geriatrics, as I love old people and would like to take care of them, and I was wanting to work as a CNA first then later possibly go back for LPN or RN. However, I too read stories of Alzheimer's/dementia patients groping at the female CNAs and it worried me too. I posted about this before and was promptly told by a member to "please get over myself and never go into nursing." Well I'm sorry, but such a thing would make me uncomfortable due to my past and I don't see how that in itself makes me a bad person or means I should never be a nurse.

I was also wondering what's done in the cases of Alzheimer's/dementia patients who grope or display other sexually aggressive behavior. I mean, I understand that they can't always help it and don't really know what they're doing, they're losing their minds, which is very sad but at the same time it would make me uncomfortable. I just wonder what's done to lessen the behaviors, so the CNAs and nurses aren't just being grabbed or touched inappropriately against their will.

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

I'm not really expecting any preferential treatment. I want to do whatever is asked. I just want to be able to do it well and am worried that I won't be able to.

How do most male patients react to bedside care?

Hmm, i am not sure what you mean by this comment.

most patients that require this much care are usually old and confused one or the other or both. When ever I have had to place a foley/straight cath a younger male pt or female pt or anyone who is not in and out of the hospital and used to it , he/she is moslty mortified, not comming on to you, groping you etc. I can't remember any pt ever groping me. The people who swing at you are usually dementia or tbi patients. or super high on pcp, meth maybe. but for the most part pts on drugs tend to be too out of it. You will never avoid any of these patients do not even bring it up or ask for a request.If they are that out of control they will have prn meds for it or maybe even restraints. It is possible that being a nurse will bring back a lot of bad memories, we are exposed to a lot of different things .

[sauconyrunner]

I'm not really expecting any preferential treatment. I want to do whatever is asked. I just want to be able to do it well and am worried that I won't be able to.

How do most male patients react to bedside care?

Up until a few months ago I was an Emergency Nurse. I have taken care of some of the most unsavory people in that time. That would be one place I'd advise you to avoid because there is a bigger risk of out of control behavior.

BUt as far as normal bedside care- these days we don't really give bed baths to anyone who can bathe themselves- we just set them up with the products and make sure they have a call bell, so you wouldn't be bathing a 30 yr old man with a left foot infection. Most bathing would take place with persons who are really unable to do it themselves. I did care for a man with paralysis and had to help him- his whole reaction was to apologie the whole time, he was so frustrated.

If you have the time, you might start doing a little volunteer work in a hospital- just taking patients out in wheelchairs, etc...this will give you a different view on nursing and maybe calm some anxiety. You can do this!