I am in my first year of nursing school, although this is my second degree. I moved here from another city so I don't know anyone in the city other than the people I have met in nursing school. Most of my classmates are much younger than me (I'm in my late 20's). I did my best to make friends the start of the school year, but its not going so well. I am quiet, I work hard, but it seems quite a few students don't like me, and will be passive aggressive with me or just outright ignore my existence. I've given up on trying to have a social life with them outside of school (which is mostly because they've stopped inviting me out), but it does make class and especially group work uncomfortable. I am very careful about what I say, I do not think I am abrasive, I don't gossip.... I don't mind the aspect of studying for nursing school, and I love clinical, but I hate the social part. I don't know how to make friends outside of school (not that I would really have the time). This is a four year program and any advice on how to make it through would be great.
You sound exactly like I did last year. I totally know where you're coming from. I, too, moved from another state to go to nursing school and I didnt know anyone and most of the girls were either married with kids and older or straight out of high school. I was 28, single, no kids and didnt really have a "niche". I am also very quiet and school-oriented and HATE gossip so I'd stay out of cliques and drama, and I'm on the shy side so a lot of the girls thought I was "weird". They never came out and said that but I could tell by how they treated me. And group work was awful because everyone would always buddy up with their friends and I'd have to go ask a group if I could work with them. Ugh. I was very lonely and would go back to my apartment and study and be alone. Anyway, this year we joined up with another section for our second year and met a bunch of new students. I ended up sitting next to a woman who was in her 40s. We ended up being the best friends! She is "weird" just like me. You never know when and where you will meet someone. I never imagined I'd be such good friends with someone so much older than me, but I'm glad I did. Anyway, hang in there and keep your options open as far as friends go. Look for the quieter types, like you, and just stay true to yourself. Dont try to change or be a certain way just to fit in. Although it might hurt your feelings to be left out and you might feel lonely sometimes, like others have said, just keep your eyes on the prize (which is becoming a nurse!) and ask yourself too when certain groups are acting clique-y or rude, "do i really want to be friends with these people?".
I'm in my 40's and moved away from home for nursing school. There are times when it's been tough being here alone and in the company of mostly much younger people. But I remind myself why I'm here and what I came to achieve.
Originally I spent a lot of time with a group of students who all had similar class/clinical schedules but, frankly, the language was just too much for me! No matter where the conversation started, it seems it always ended up with talk about sex and some language that I really don't care for. I love these people and miss them, but felt I was not being true to my own beliefs and values by sitting by while that stuff continued. Rather than be the "old lady" who asked them to tone it down, I chose to just pull back socially. It's better for me that way.
Are you attending a church in your new area where you can meet some people who aren't in school with you? Or perhaps you might meet people with like interests through volunteering a few hours a week.
If you wish not to state that information publicly, send a message my way if you're anywhere near. I'm from the Boston area.
It's not like I'm here to purposely make friends on the forum for outside of the forum, if that statement seemed a lil weird.
Just sparking some conversation, trying to be helpful. :)
That breaks my heart to see someone affected that way, but these experienced members here have a lot of good advice worth taking.
It actually seems to be not that uncommon, esp. considering where one goes to school, what type of program they're in, differences in age groups, etc...
The program I'm planning on going into is not out of a university or community college & seems to have a broad spectrum of age groups from all different places & walks of life, which was definitely one of the factors in choosing to go with it.
In learning to effectively deal with the situation you're in now, you gotta look at those less mature types for how they are - Not good enough for your time or worth the headache.
You went there to get a degree as an adult with more wisdom & experience, and with the main goal in mind. You're above that, and most certainly above any form of discrimination from the less mature. Try to see that as the ignorance it is in them, and that you're more mature & rise above the petty behavior.
I know sometimes things are a lot easier sad than done.
Hurts me to see someone aspiring for/working at something so great & so good for themselves upset by those things.
Keep on keepin' on, sister. I have hope you'll adjust & get past this.
If it makes you (OP) feel any better, I was 21 in my ASN program, and it was the same stuff you describe. I was too "old" in the head for the rest if 'em. I haven't even ran into people I went to school with...don't miss them either...now that I think about it! Lol!
Nursing school can be so lonely - studying all the time with not much of a chance to develop social bonds outside of your program. I started nursing school at the age of 34, in a city where I don't have a lot of friends. Most of my classmates are also much younger and/or married/attached. What has gotten me through has been having just 1 or 2 other people I can really talk to - sometimes it comes in the form of the person you least expect. Additionally, I've had a really hard time maintaining the friendships of people who are NOT in nursing school; however, it's been invaluable to have those people in my life to get away from the stresses of school.
I think someone else suggested meetup.com - that's a good place to meet people. Also - look for any kind of sport & social club or take a class if you have time in something you enjoy (music, art, etc.). I know time and money are tight in school, but maintaining a healthy social life will only help you be more successful and focused in school.
Did you have an argument with anyone or some other problem? Late 20's for you, well, the rest must be teenyboppers. I hope there's at least 1 or 2 other "old" people in your program.
I guess just be nice, don't try too hard or they'll smell that and some will enjoy your pain. Bring bagels or donuts on some special occasion. Throw a party.
Invite one person who might seem like she is lonely or not too happy to go have a coke or a coffee or a frozen yogurt. Invite someone to study together. Do you guys live in a dorm or at private homes/apartments?
I attend the university of the fraser valley in abbotsford, bc, Im just finishing my first year...and i can say my class of 47 BSN students are like my family. I dont know what I would do without them. We have age ranges of 19 years old all the way to 47. There are 3 older moms in their late 30's early 40s, and an older man. As well as all ages inbetween. Maybe it is just our nursing class but we are like a huge family. Im only 19, and I feel like i could run to any of the older "mom's" or "John :) " hes the older man, orrrrr.. i could go to another friend who is fresh out of highschool...
Yes there are people who get on my nerves sometimes, but honestly, you CANNOT get through Nursing school alone. These people are going through the same thing that you are and you need eachother for support during stressful times. Also you need to learn to trust eachother when you are in clinical because as a nurse you wont be always working alone. It is a team sport Its beneficial to try and be friends with everyone. You will be together for 4 years, and go through things regular people never get to experience. You will need eachother to get through tough times, and in the end you will graduate together as one..
Didn't know any other student and didn't care to know any. I was late 20's and male with a wife and kids. The other kids in te program were in a totally different place in their lives. I have never seen any of them again. I probably would not recognize them if I did.
I found myself in the same situation in nursing school. Most of the students at the community college were also older than traditional college age.
I decided to look elsewhere.
I joined a ballroom dance group with people of diverse ages. I found a fun, relaxing hobby, made new friends and met my husband.
I also found a program through the college looking for volunteers to practice English conversation with foreign students or their spouses. I found another friend that way and learned a lot about another culture.
A once a week outing with the local cycle club/quilting circle/bible study/drag bingo/bowling league will give you company and make life interesting.
lalalalexi
79 Posts
You sound exactly like I did last year. I totally know where you're coming from. I, too, moved from another state to go to nursing school and I didnt know anyone and most of the girls were either married with kids and older or straight out of high school. I was 28, single, no kids and didnt really have a "niche". I am also very quiet and school-oriented and HATE gossip so I'd stay out of cliques and drama, and I'm on the shy side so a lot of the girls thought I was "weird". They never came out and said that but I could tell by how they treated me. And group work was awful because everyone would always buddy up with their friends and I'd have to go ask a group if I could work with them. Ugh. I was very lonely and would go back to my apartment and study and be alone. Anyway, this year we joined up with another section for our second year and met a bunch of new students. I ended up sitting next to a woman who was in her 40s. We ended up being the best friends! She is "weird" just like me. You never know when and where you will meet someone. I never imagined I'd be such good friends with someone so much older than me, but I'm glad I did. Anyway, hang in there and keep your options open as far as friends go. Look for the quieter types, like you, and just stay true to yourself. Dont try to change or be a certain way just to fit in. Although it might hurt your feelings to be left out and you might feel lonely sometimes, like others have said, just keep your eyes on the prize (which is becoming a nurse!) and ask yourself too when certain groups are acting clique-y or rude, "do i really want to be friends with these people?".