Your Favorite one liner used with patients - page 15

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his... Read More

  1. by   fronkey bean
    When starting iv's I've told pt's they can scream or cry if they want to but they can't hit the nurse.
    If they ask me if I've done this before I say "Oh tons of times" then I let my shot arm go flacid and say "But this is the first time since the stroke". Of course, only if they havn't had a stroke .
    And when pts forget my name and ask me what it is, I give them a nervous look and say "That depends on wether you liked the care Igave you or not. If you did, my name is ___. If you didn't my name is ( fill in the name of any co-worker w/i hearing distance).
  2. by   dabowhunter
    Whenever I have to stick a pt. for a lab draw, I ask them if I should draw the next days labs too.
  3. by   prmenrs
    "...Remember peri-lights in OB? We had a defective one...called maintenance to fix it..When he returned I asked him what was wrong, he said,
    "I just had to change the film!!"

    Those maintanence guys can be good for a laugh or 2! I called over once b/c a door to one of the cabinets had fallen off. There was a silence after stating my complaint for a moment, then he said, "this is the 1st time I've ever gotten a call from your unit that you weren't complaining about the weather!!" (we called frequently to say that it was too hot/cold)
  4. by   KimmieKoo72
    I work in LTC and when I have to take their BPs, I say "I need to take your blood pressure, but don't worry I'll give it back when I'm done!!!!" =)
  5. by   VegRN
    Quote from uraqt2
    I work in corrections and anytime we see an inmate or they get KOP (keep on person) meds they have to sign for services and instead of asking for their signature I simply say "I need you to sign you're life away here by the X" Always good for a chuckle especially for death row inmates.
    I am going to have to have to use that one on the inmates at work
  6. by   DutchgirlRN
    This contrast will make you feel warm all over for about 15 seconds, it makes you feel like your going to pee in your pants. I've been a nurse for 32 years, no one has peed in their pants yet, don't be the first!
  7. by   DutchgirlRN
    Quote from prmenrs
    "...Remember peri-lights in OB?
    You mean to tell me peri-lights are not used anymore? What is used?
    Ok, back to the subject at hand...
  8. by   Kylisa02
    When taking off all of the surrounding tape from an IV site, especially on those with hairy arms... I say "this is the free complimentary waxing that we provide"... everyone usually giggles.
  9. by   fronkey bean
    Sometimes I ask the really hairy chested guys if they want me to shave a smiley face when I'm prepping their chests for electrodes.:spin:
  10. by   greene
    When I'm doing an EKG on a hairy man, I will say, " Free hair removal with every EKG today".
  11. by   prmenrs
    When a doc goes over to examine a particularly crabby baby who happpens to be asleep @ that moment, I'll say, "you wake 'em, you take 'em".
  12. by   Natkat
    I've developed a few since the start of this thread.BTW I tried the "we're trying to keep the beer cold" line. They were not amused.For postop patients, if I ask if they passed gas and they say "yes", I say "I'm sorry I couldn't be here for the big event."I had another postop patient who said he hadn't passed gas yet.

    A little later he was complaining that he couldn't feel anything in his leg under the postop splint. I went and got my instructor. The charge nurse happened to be nearby too. So the charge nurse, my instructor, the regular nurse, another student and I went into the room to see what was going on with the patient's leg. When he saw all these people filing into the room to check him out he said "Wow, I sure am getting a lot of attention." I said "We thought you farted."

    I work in dialysis and dialysis patients get sick of being in the clinic and are usually in a big hurry to leave. It gets so bad that they sometimes they rush us to take care of them when we're trying to take care of someone else. If the grumbling gets too bad I'll joke with them and say "what's wrong? Aren't you enjoying your dialysis today? You liked it last time you were here?" or "Why are you still here? I thought you were leaving." As I'm taping them up and getting them ready to leave I'll say "Okay, I don't care what happens. Don't come back until Wednesday."
  13. by   callmekipling
    aw maaaaaaaan, I didn't know there was already a thread on this!

    well. Two nights ago I shaved a guy up for a cardiac cath - he was a little apprehensive, but we hadn't encountered that before as he was ambulatory and all.. so he pretty much took care of himself.

    Anyway, I told him that we were still waiting on a set of fishnet stockings from central supply

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