Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

Regardless of my husbands symptoms everything he has is "the gout"... If he has diarrhea he says "I think i have the gout" . No need trying to explain to him what that is ....he is a dork!:banghead:

I love that you called him a dork!!! That was the funniest thing I read!!!

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Specializes in OB/Gyn, L&D, NICU.

It wasn't my significant other, but a friend who was a nursing technician, of all people. I told her someone was lying prostrate on the ground. She gasped and told me the prostRate was the organ inside a man.

#2 I said I had had impetigo as a child and she corrected me: It's "infantigo" because only infants get it.

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Specializes in Dialysis.
me: It's "infantigo" because only infants get it.

lol that's hysterical!:up:

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Specializes in ED.

the INFANTigo has me rolling.

reminds of some sick slips i saw in the Army, where the soldier right their chief complaint on the slip, there are so many spellings of diarrhea, but many would just right "the *****" to avoid ridicule.

one off the top of my head was "aunt bites"

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Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.

A friend who had been in the military once told me that when any of his fellow officers got an STD, he'd say it was dysentery to avoid embarrassment. devil-smiley-038.gif

Unfortunately, one of the young officers DID get dysentery! (Did he say he had an STD, then?)

devil-smiley-083.gif

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Specializes in Stroke Seizure/LTC/SNF/LTAC.
the INFANTigo has me rolling.

reminds of some sick slips i saw in the Army, where the soldier right their chief complaint on the slip, there are so many spellings of diarrhea, but many would just right "the *****" to avoid ridicule.

one off the top of my head was "aunt bites"

Gosh, mom's/dad's sister must have been hungry/:yeah::uhoh3:

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Home Health.

My mother constantly confuses NP and LPN. I'm an RN.

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My DH is quite dorky too...He told me that he has heard of people having gallstones then went on to ask me, and was dead serious, if there is such a thing as "ballstones".

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Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

a friend carefully explained to my type 1 diabetic husband that he could have a piece of her gooey caramel, nut amd chocolate cake if he'd just scrape some of the inch or so frosting off. :smackingf don't think so .... :no:

kathy

sharpeimom:paw::paw:

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Specializes in Cardiology, Oncology, Hospice,IV Therapy.

I met my sister in law's crazy ex mother in law once. She went on with this long story about how she had a partial hysterectomy when she was 4 months pregnant with her last child(who is an adult now) and how she had a brain stem infarct but is fine now.:lol2:

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Specializes in chemical dependency detox/psych.
My mother constantly confuses NP and LPN. I'm an RN.

I think that your mother and my hubby might be related, as they are both mixing up the same thing. :D I try not to let it drive me bonkers...but it does (inside.) :wink2:

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This isnt from a non medical person sadly lol

I was receiving report the other day. the nite nurse said "Mr.X in Rm.XXX has a hx of Left AKA. But not anymore, now he is here for a wound." I was confused and just looked at her and questioned "he doesnt have Left AKA anymore?" she said "no, that was resolved" I said "Are you sure? Isnt that-" she cut me off and said "yes. I am." she was clearly in a hurry to leave. I was thinking... umm maybe I have my abbrv messed up... she finished report and left. I went straight to his room and imagine my surprise *sarcasm* when the pt's left leg was still amputated!!!

OMG I DIED laughing!!!

Scary tho, made me wonder about the assessment that was done... esp when she was able to palpate a pedal pulse in the LLE....

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