Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

When I was in high school I was working as a nurse's aid at our small town hospital. It was my job to go around and get everyone's vital signs and chart them. I walked inot one gentleman's room, said "Good Morning! I'm just here to grab your vitals":stone Wife was sitting at bedside and started laughing hysterically then she said " why don't you leave that to me honey!":stone :stone I about died!

Then there was the time I was training a new nurse to our pediatric unit -- she had to call the doctor's office to set up a follow up visit for a patient in a couple of weeks post discharge as well as get some orders for some scripts to send home w/ pt. She got the doc on the phone, got the scripts and then said, and "when would you like the patient to f/u?" DEAD SILENCE at the nurses station AND the doctor's office -- it had to have been a full 10 seconds before she realized what she had said :imbar and then she quickly said " I mean of course, follow up with an office visit -- with you -- then she giggled and said the chart just has the letters F & U -- sorry!" :rotfl: At that point we were all cracking up and (thank goodness) so was the Doc. Took a LOOONG time for her to get over that one!!

I'm crying over this one!!! So funny :rotfl:

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
I did prenatal check on my patient. Before she went out from the cubicle I reminded her to drink a lot of water so she can pee regularly to avoid UTI. I was very serious about it. I was wondering why my patient had a confusing look. I asked her what is the matter? she told me " you just told me that I should drink a lot of pee so I can water regularly." that was an embarashment but I was somehow converted it to a funny one. My patient was laughing and I was sure inside in her mind, she was thinking her nurse is crazy. I sometimes say crazy things when I get tired.
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I havemade this blooper many times...thik I'd learn!

Specializes in Assessment coordinator.

Well, there was the man who was telling me about his wife's RADIOLOPATHY...

and the transcriptionist who typed that the psych patient was having DILUTIONS (that was just last week.)

and recently a nurse charted that an 83 year old man had demale enation (unusal symptom for MS?)

We were visiting a good friend of ours, a pastor, who came down with alll the S/S of a terrible head cold on Saturday night. He decided to "medicate" himself with a dose of Nyquil and preach his Sunday morning sermon anyway. AT the appropriate time, he stood up, looked out at the congregation and said. "Everyone please turn in your bibles to First Glasses while I reach in my pocket and pull out my peter." I about fell out of the pew laughing. The service was over before it really got started.

Specializes in Rehab, psych, management..

About 15 years ago I had a patient on a medical floor who was restless and confused. He was in a geri reclining chair for the night and continually took his legs off of the leg rest I had them propped up on in the reclining position and put them down so his feet could touch the floor and he could scoot around and holler. To solve this problem I put a pillow or two in the hole, propped his legs up and he finally dozed off. I was so proud of myself for finally getting this guy to go to sleep. His shin got skinned a little from all the activity so I had to document what he was up to and why his leg looked the way it did. In my note I wrote about what he had been doing and concluded, "Legs removed and placed on pillows". His doctor asked me the next morning when we started performing amputations on the floor. I never, ever lived it down.

We were visiting a good friend of ours, a pastor, who came down with alll the S/S of a terrible head cold on Saturday night. He decided to "medicate" himself with a dose of Nyquil and preach his Sunday morning sermon anyway. AT the appropriate time, he stood up, looked out at the congregation and said. "Everyone please turn in your bibles to First Glasses while I reach in my pocket and pull out my peter." I about fell out of the pew laughing. The service was over before it really got started.

This is priceless:chuckle

Specializes in LTC.

I was at the desk with a load of charts one pm when the phone kept ringing off the hook....and every one of them was a recording from a bill collector...soooooo I kindly pressed the number that says "if you are this person please press 1".....and I waited....then a woman came on and was asking if I was such and such...which that person had been a pt of mine over a year ago ...and had died...and I tell her....no but you're not going to find her....and she says to me "well...how can I get in touch with her" ....for the hundredth time and I said "Unless you have the phone number directly to heaven you arent going to reach her!"......she still didnt believe me!...Little did I know that my DON was behind me laughing about it (the one time in a million she decides to crack a smile).... I told the bill collector that she would have to figure out who she needed to get in touch with about the bill if anyone and hung up. I hate bill collectors!!!!

Working with a nursing student one day, a male pt. needed to be straight cathed. The pt. was on the phone talking with his wife, so I assumed he really wasn't paying attention to what we were saying/doing. As the student was inserting the foley, I told her to hold the member like she was "choking a chicken". A few seconds later the pt. calmly says to his wife ....oh the nurse is in here, and we're just choking chickens..:eek:.. boy was my face RED!!!:imbar:imbar:imbar

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

Love these posts!!!

Specializes in Emergency, Trauma, Critical Care.

I had an 86 year old lady this weekend and we needed to do a second set of troponins on her. The lab tech came to draw her blood and she was refusing, so I went in there and she kept saying that "she knew how hospitals worked, and we were trying to get more money out of her." She was on medi-cal. I explained Medi-cal pays the bill and takes the money from my taxes and the lab techs taxes to pay for it. She was completely confused by that so then I said, "You know what hunny? I'll cover the bill, don't you worry about it." She then proceeded to let us draw her blood.

My charge was right outside the room and started cracking up.

A co-worker of mine had a pt that was in hsp due to hyperemesis...one day, the pt asked "how long do I have to wait til these neutrons (ketones) are out of my pee?"

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