From the mouths of non-nurses - page 7

My wife, a piano teacher, and I were talking about music and she was using some pretty "technical" terms that I, not a music professional, didn't understand. She said, "Now you know what it's like... Read More

  1. by   VivaRN
    Had a patient glare at me with this angry face insisting she had "wingworm" and wanted to be treated for wingworm, and who were we anyway this nurse practitioner (my preceptor) and her student who obviously knew nothing about wingworm!!!

    She was so serious too.

    For days we said to each other "I want to be tweated for wingworm!" and just about died.
  2. by   tk3100
    Quote from kmcnelly
    what do you ask them if they're from arkansas?

    I am wounded to the core, truly. Seriously though, it was humorous.
  3. by   nrsang97
    I was at work one night and a pt father called me and asked "is my daughter still on the breathalizer?" I had to stop myself from laughing and clarify that he ment ventilator. It was alot for me not to laugh.
  4. by   lpnstudentin2010
    Even for me when I am hearing a lot of these I am like WHAT WAS THAT PERSON THINKING!!! and I am not even a nurse. lol.
  5. by   neonatal_icu_rn
    One of the nurses I work with had a parent call to check on her preemie. She wanted to know if her baby had had any more episodes of "apnacardia". We decided it was actually a pretty good shortened form of "apnea and bradycardia"!
  6. by   NurseRoRo
    My 74 year old father and his 49 year old wife had their first baby last year (yes, you read correctly). I was there for the C-section and sort of forced my dad to go in, too, as he stated, "Dad's aren't allowed in there! We sit in the waiting room!"

    After the baby boy was delivered, they asked my dad to come over to the warmer to cut the umbilical cord and handed him a pair of scissors. My confused and overwhelmed father said, "I'm not cutting the skin part off, right? I thought the doctor is supposed to cut the foreskin, not the dad!?"

    I know the nurse behind that mask was trying not to pee her pants as she calmly said, "This long thing is the umbilical cord. That little thing down there is his penis."
  7. by   Jessiedog
    Caring for a newly diagnosed diabetic, approx 7yo, her blood sugars were 4.omMol/L (not sure what it would be in US, but this is borderline low for us) I rang Kitchen and asked for a plate of cheese and crackers, as the kid liked these, explaining that it was for a diabetic. The kitchen hand rang off, saying the food would be delivered ASAP. Two minutes later, the same kitchen hand rang back very distressed, because she couldn't fill the order. "We don't have diabetic cheese!!!" I somehow kept a straight face, and reassured her saying that normal cheese would be just fine. When I hung up the phone, I was laughing so hard that my colleagues of course wanted to know what was up. We had a fun few days talking about 'sugar-free diabetic cheese'.
  8. by   Jessiedog
    Quote from NOTEWORTHY
    Just about all my male patients call a urinal "the jug;" and I call it making water.
    Urinate sounds crude and lay people don't know what void is.
    How do you ask your patients if they are having any difficulties voiding?
    In Ausralia I use several terms, depending on who I'm talking to. I try to shape my language to the understanding of the patient, becuase it makes them feel more comfortable, and avoids confusion. In the case of passing urine, I use the words "Have you had a: pee, ****, wee, emptied your bladder, passed water?" In the case of faecal waste, I use other base names, such as "Poo, dump, passed stools, bowel action, and, of course, ****." No, I'm not rude, and I abhor swearing, but sometimes the slang terms are the only ones that certain patients can relate to. When someone is unwell and in hospital, I refuse to make them uphold grammatical niceties and increase their stress levels.

    There are some exceptions, tho. I do not tolerate being sworn at, and the 'f word' is NOT acceptable to me.
    Last edit by ElvishDNP on Jun 5, '08 : Reason: TOS
  9. by   handyrn
    Years ago, when I was in nursing school, there was another student who spent several months getting "not so great" grades on her assessments. One day in A&P the instructor was teaching about eyes and we were discussing PEARL and neuro status. This particular student bursted out saying, "OMG, I thought PEARL was the name of a patient we were always talking about!" After that, her assessment grades improved.
  10. by   Hootnhollern
    So, I'll tell you this one...

    My second job at a hospital was in the CVICU as a unit clerk. I learned all of my medical terminology on the job. On morning as I was reporting off to the oncoming clerks, I said "Well, Mr. G will be able to go home today as soon as he cardioverts himself." Needless to say, I was met with silence and then bursts of laughter. Of course what I meant to say was that the pt (a frequent flier with medication issues) could leave when his rhythm converts.

    I can't tell you how long I would come in and people would pretend to put the paddles to their own chests and "convert" themselves ...just for me.

    I do still have a good chuckle at myself for that one to this day.
    Last edit by Hootnhollern on Jun 6, '08
  11. by   peridotgirl
    Quote from handyrn
    years ago, when i was in nursing school, there was another student who spent several months getting "not so great" grades on her assessments. one day in a&p the instructor was teaching about eyes and we were discussing pearl and neuro status. this particular student bursted out saying, "omg, i thought pearl was the name of a patient we were always talking about!" after that, her assessment grades improved.
    i second to that! lol! hehehe! now, we call it perrla. needless to say, some of my nursing classmates didn't know how to spell that one. itr's funny really because i dont even think that they knew what perrla stood for " pupils are equal, round, and reactive to light and accommodation." banghead::chuckle:typing
  12. by   alcrab01
    I hate it when people say, "O2 stats" instead of "sats."
  13. by   peridotgirl
    this was way back in the day when when we were learning about mi's in my cna class. once day, in lunch, as my friend and i were walking back to class, we were dicussing mi's and the meds associated with them. all of a sudden my friend says "myocardial infraction." omg!! it was soo hilarious. now, i spent a good 5 minutes arguing with her that the word is "myocardial infarction", not myocardial infraction!" there is no math in a heart attack. so now, we've grown up and became cna's and everytime we discuss mi's in lpn class, i always end up crackin' up. :chuckle:chuckle:chucklenurse: