From the mouths of non-nurses

Nurses Humor

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My wife, a piano teacher, and I were talking about music and she was using some pretty "technical" terms that I, not a music professional, didn't understand.

She said, "Now you know what it's like for me. You come home and start talking about your pasta and broccoli."

I didn't understand.

"Your pasta and broccoli. You know -- you talking about them all the time!"

I still had no clue.

She sighed. "When you're talking about your heart patients and how they had pasta or broccoli."

Then it dawned on me. I laughed. :chuckle

She meant when I talked about PTCA ("pizza") and CABG ("cabbage"). :roll

while on active duty my husband had a rather hard landing from a parachute jump and caused some internal swelling. the person in charge on the ground sent him to the tmc (troop medical clinic) where they told him he had an enlarged prostate probably due to the jump but wanted to do some testing just to make sure that it was nothing else. the pa tells my husband that one of the tests they will do will be to check for prostate cancer. he calls mom and says that he had a bad jump and has some internal bruising. she wants to know what he means and he uses his prostate as an example because that is what the pa talked about most to him. she then goes on to say that he has nothing to worry about because her prostate has never given her problems.

Bear, Did the guy survive his injuries?

God, I hope so!:up: to a guy like that!

After the ER doc had spoken with the family of a little boy with an elbow dislocation the other day, I overheard Grandma ask Mom how the boy could have gotten "nurses aide's elbow."

Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

Not nursing, but when I was in college, an international student had gotten lost. Fellows at the bus station had approached her, and she very indignantly told me they had called her "animals!". Asked what she meant, said they called her a "wolfy rooster!'. Umm, foxy chick is supposed to be a complement:lol2:

Specializes in Surgical, Psych, Prison, Pediatric Psych.

when my hubby and i had first gotten together, about 6 years ago i noticed on the very first night that he 'slept over' wink, wink... that he had a horrible case of sleep apnea.

so, of course i make him go through all of the testing, getting the machine and all, and of course seeing an ent.

well, one day he had an appt with his pcp who asked how the consult with the ent had gone, since he hadn't gotten the report yet...

without hesitation, my husband to be apparently replies:

it went ok, he told me i might have to have my tonsils out, or maybe they could just shave my vulva.

he said the doctor just looked at him like he wanted to burst out laughing, with kind of a perplexed / hysterical look.

i think my husband realized he said something wrong, but didn't quite remember exactly what he had said.

when he got home and told me what he said, i almost died! i laughed so hard and so long i must have peed my pants... omg it was hilarious... still makes me laugh to this day!

and, i of course had to share it with his and my family... although i think it was a few years later when i knew them a little more intimately!

have a good laugh on my dear hubby! :chuckle

My dad was having a heart cath to find out why he was having problems with high blood pressure. He was really confused, and asked me when we got home,

"Why in the world do they need to look at my heart? It's my blood pressure that's the problem."

Had a patient glare at me with this angry face insisting she had "wingworm" and wanted to be treated for wingworm, and who were we anyway this nurse practitioner (my preceptor) and her student who obviously knew nothing about wingworm!!!

She was so serious too.

For days we said to each other "I want to be tweated for wingworm!" and just about died.

Specializes in ICU, OR.
what do you ask them if they're from arkansas?

I am wounded to the core, truly.:bugeyes: Seriously though, it was humorous.

Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

I was at work one night and a pt father called me and asked "is my daughter still on the breathalizer?" I had to stop myself from laughing and clarify that he ment ventilator. It was alot for me not to laugh.

Even for me when I am hearing a lot of these I am like WHAT WAS THAT PERSON THINKING!!! and I am not even a nurse. lol.

Specializes in NICU-Level III.

One of the nurses I work with had a parent call to check on her preemie. She wanted to know if her baby had had any more episodes of "apnacardia". We decided it was actually a pretty good shortened form of "apnea and bradycardia"!

Specializes in Med Surg, Case Management, OR.

My 74 year old father and his 49 year old wife had their first baby last year (yes, you read correctly). I was there for the C-section and sort of forced my dad to go in, too, as he stated, "Dad's aren't allowed in there! We sit in the waiting room!"

After the baby boy was delivered, they asked my dad to come over to the warmer to cut the umbilical cord and handed him a pair of scissors. My confused and overwhelmed father said, "I'm not cutting the skin part off, right? I thought the doctor is supposed to cut the foreskin, not the dad!?"

I know the nurse behind that mask was trying not to pee her pants as she calmly said, "This long thing is the umbilical cord. That little thing down there is his member."

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