From the mouths of non-nurses - page 5

My wife, a piano teacher, and I were talking about music and she was using some pretty "technical" terms that I, not a music professional, didn't understand. She said, "Now you know what it's like... Read More

  1. by   nursemomo
    On New Year's Eve, we went to a party and took our 7-month old son with us. There was a couple there that have a 1 month old son, they left him at home w/grandparents. This girl proceeded to tell me that she had in fact delivered on the floor I work on, but during the week, and I work weekends. I told her I could have been her nurse...she said "Is that the girl that helped me change my panties, or the girl that stuck the needle in my arm?" So..I gathered she wasn't "medically inclined". Then she tells me that her son "has the thrash". She said it several times...I tried not to giggle at her
  2. by   WV_heart_RN

    [font=book antiqua]not medical: a few days after christmas i stopped to get gas and tried to use my debit card. the machine said " see cashier". i walked to the window and the girl told me," you have insignificant funds."
    [font=book antiqua]
    [font=book antiqua]i laughed as i walked away. i wanted to tell her my funds were significant to me but i did not.
    [font=book antiqua]
    [font=book antiqua]( hubby went shopping christmas eve and didn't tell me= no money in the account)
  3. by   remmy3
    My daughter had surgery when she was 3(she's 4 now) to remove a lymph node that had been swollen for about a year and a half. The day the doctor called and told me the results, i called my husband and told him that it was a benign lymph node. A couple of hours later I got a phone call from grandma who was extremely concerned wanting to know what the doctor meant by a number nine lymph node. I got tickled and called hubby back and he laughed to and said he told the people at his work as well as his family my baby girl had a number nine lymph node.
  4. by   santhony44
    We have a young lady who works part-time in our front office (clinic) doing filing and such. Very sweet, but sometimes her Happy Meal is missing a fry or two.

    Yesterday we had a patient whose diagnosis was "epigastric pain." The receptionist was entering the visit into the computer. "Epigastric, epigastric. Somebody help me find epigastric!" The young lady jumped up and was looking through the patient charts. She was trying to find "Eppie Gastric!"
  5. by   Natkat
    Not really a medical issue, but I heard someone refer to herself as an "escape goat" the other day.
  6. by   MissERN
    One of my friends told me about the "heff-lock" she had...I asked her to repeat the story becuase I though "heff-lock" was so cute!
  7. by   student1000
    My sister sent me the following questions and the answers that children have put on science exams that are health related.

    Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

    Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

    Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his Adultery.

    Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
    A: Premature death.

    Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.G., abdomen.)
    A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and
    the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax Contains
    the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five Bowels
    A,E, I, O, and U.

    Q: What is the fibula?
    A: A small lie.

    Q: What does "varicose" mean? " (You'll love this one...)
    A: Nearby.

    Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
    A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome .

    Q: What does the word " benign" mean?'
    A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
  8. by   MeeshellRN
    When my father in law was in the hospital--mother in law kept calling his foley the "catherater" and his IS a "sperm-mometer." It took me a couple of days to figure out the sperm-mometer was...considering he was there for a hip replacement!
  9. by   ssouthernyankee
    Lmao--as a fellow Arkansan I'd say wizzing--or takin a leak lol
  10. by   ssouthernyankee
    i had an elderly male patient who had high fever, as i was rolling him over i said "you are hot" he smiled winked and said "sweetheart it's been a looong time since anyone has told me that" made my day.
  11. by   Alana211
    Yesterday I had to schedule my patient for a colonoscopy. I went in and told her the dr. ordered a colonoscopy for screening purposes. I was trying to explain the procedure to her and she said "He** no, I cant even stand the thought of that. I'm sorry but I will let no dr mess around with my bowels." I had the social worker go in and try to talk to her. She got the same response. I tried to talk with her again and she told me she didn't want to poop in a bag for the rest of her life and I can stop wasting my time telling her about the procedure. I had to do everything I could not to laugh. She thought a colostomy was a colonoscopy. I finally got her consent to schedule the colonoscopy after explaining the difference between the two!!
  12. by   neonatal_icu_rn
    Our NICU's unit coordinator very appropriately typed in a diagnosis of "imperfect anus" instead of "imperforate anus"!:typing
  13. by   Canadian_Nurse
    I work in OB, and I can't tell you how many times family members of laboring patients call other family members to give an update on the patient...

    "She's x cm and just got her epidermal, now she's comfortable"

    This drives me insane!!!