From the mouths of non-nurses

Nurses Humor

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My wife, a piano teacher, and I were talking about music and she was using some pretty "technical" terms that I, not a music professional, didn't understand.

She said, "Now you know what it's like for me. You come home and start talking about your pasta and broccoli."

I didn't understand.

"Your pasta and broccoli. You know -- you talking about them all the time!"

I still had no clue.

She sighed. "When you're talking about your heart patients and how they had pasta or broccoli."

Then it dawned on me. I laughed. :chuckle

She meant when I talked about PTCA ("pizza") and CABG ("cabbage"). :roll

A college friend who came to borrow books and wondered how your cervix could be fractured!!!!! :lol2::lol2:

At least she wondered!

Specializes in OB.

I had a "Spanish only" antepartum patient the other night and although my Spanish and her English are both limited to short words and a few phrases we were doing pretty well communicating until she informed me "I need sex". I asked her to repeat what she had said, thinking to myself "Honey that's what started this problem in the first place" and she repeated herself with the same phrase. On the third repetition she pointed to her bare feet, which is when I realized she was requesting a pair of socks!

Specializes in PACU,ICU, HOME HEALTH, TRAVEL NURSE,EDUC.

My sons often ask me when I come home from work "Did you get to do anything cool today, like put a tube is some guys , or stick him with needles?" I once answered "no, but I got to put a suppository in a patients rectum" and he replied "Mom you have the coolest job!" If he only thinks I am this cool when he is 16......:lol2:

Specializes in Cardiac Care, ICU.
My sons often ask me when I come home from work "Did you get to do anything cool today, like put a tube is some guys , or stick him with needles?" I once answered "no, but I got to put a suppository in a patients rectum" and he replied "Mom you have the coolest job!" If he only thinks I am this cool when he is 16......:lol2:

That is so funny. My 10y/o daughter does the same thing.

Specializes in Home Health, Hospice.

I had a Home Health patient that had me confused for a while. She complained about her "henrids"...figured out she meant hemorrhoids. She also talked about getting a new "brow" in the store...she meant bra. I never will figure out how they come up with this stuff...like "limp noids"..and the ever popular "prostrate".

I was working w/ a tech. one day and she kept looking at the heart monitor screen w/ a frown on her face. finally she asked, "What is big eminy?"

I don't understand. what did she actually mean (in med terms)?

Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

A cardiac arrythmia called bigeminy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigeminy

hi..just want to clear out something...what is a "big eminy?' what does this mean?

Bigeminy (every other beat a PVC or something not sinus)

Specializes in Cardiac Care, ICU.
I don't understand. what did she actually mean (in med terms)?

she meant bigeminy, as in the heart rhythm

Just about all my male patients call a urinal "the jug;" and I call it making water.

Urinate sounds crude and lay people don't know what void is.

How do you ask your patients if they are having any difficulties voiding?

Just about all my male patients call a urinal "the jug;" and I call it making water.

Urinate sounds crude and lay people don't know what void is.

How do you ask your patients if they are having any difficulties voiding?

Depending on the education level:

PhD - Are you having an impediment with elimination, fecal or urinary?

Master's - Do you have any hindrance to your urination?

Bachelor's - Do you have any problems with going to the bathroom?

High school - Do ya have any problems p****ing?

Grade school - Do ya have any problems peeing?

Pre-school on down - Wee-wee?

Now please take this in the best way possible. I am in no way making fun of a steriotype or anybody's education level or lack thereof, just in the light hearted spirit of the humor forum.

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