From the mouths of non-nurses

Nurses Humor

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My wife, a piano teacher, and I were talking about music and she was using some pretty "technical" terms that I, not a music professional, didn't understand.

She said, "Now you know what it's like for me. You come home and start talking about your pasta and broccoli."

I didn't understand.

"Your pasta and broccoli. You know -- you talking about them all the time!"

I still had no clue.

She sighed. "When you're talking about your heart patients and how they had pasta or broccoli."

Then it dawned on me. I laughed. :chuckle

She meant when I talked about PTCA ("pizza") and CABG ("cabbage"). :roll

Specializes in ER, Telemetry, PACU (last 20 yrs).

My elderly mother went shopping with me one day. She seemed exhausted so I asked her how she was doing. She told me she needed a banana because her "electric lights were off."

I was working on a telemetry floor in a Catholic hospital when I had an older gentleman in a-fib. He asked me when could he go home? I told him as soon as he converted. He replied " send in the nuns I'm ready to convert."

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Specializes in Peds; Peds Oncology.

These are cracking me up.

Keep them coming.

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Oh dear Lord I just nearly wet myself a bagel response...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I love it!

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Specializes in Adult Acute Care Medicine.

Recently had a little lady who stated that her pain was coming back and whe would like some more 'vikington'.:rolleyes:

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Specializes in Geriatrics.

I woke my hubby laughing at these! Please send more! :rotfl:

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Specializes in PICU, NICU, Adult care as RT.

I can't count how many times I have been asked what a patient's "Stats" are.

(Imagine a deep southern drawl) I had an elderly COPDer telling me that she needed to call. When I handed her the phone, she looked at me like I had grown a second head. She repeated call, I need to CALL! I asked her if she needed me to dial? "NO, no, I need to call. Hand me a tishey" HUH! When I got it, I handed her a tissue and she coughed so hard she turned slightly blue! Hello, deep south!

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Specializes in Cardiac Care, ICU.
I can't count how many times I have been asked what a patient's "Stats" are.

(Imagine a deep southern drawl) I had an elderly COPDer telling me that she needed to call. When I handed her the phone, she looked at me like I had grown a second head. She repeated call, I need to CALL! I asked her if she needed me to dial? "NO, no, I need to call. Hand me a tishey" HUH! When I got it, I handed her a tissue and she coughed so hard she turned slightly blue! Hello, deep south!

Have you had one ask you to hand them the "jug" so they can "make water" yet? I was raised in the South and that one still tickles me.:lol2:

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Specializes in PICU, NICU, Adult care as RT.
Have you had one ask you to hand them the "jug" so they can "make water" yet? I was raised in the South and that one still tickles me.:lol2:

I have heard the make water thing, but not the jug. I love it when I hear about water pills, though!

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

I love the Southernism "sugar diabetes."

Yes, I know there is another type of diabetes. But most folks who use the above term don't.

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Specializes in ICU.

Heard a visitor reply to another visitor that the NPO sign on the door stood for "Normal Post Op"

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Specializes in Making the Pt laugh..

My wife has banned all medical talk in the house. If the kids get sick all she wants to know is if I can fix them or do we need to get them to a Dr. If I try to explain my reasons she just "blanks out". I guess I have done medical terminology to death.

When told that she had a fractured radius & ulna I had a patient reply that "it's lucky I didn't break it!" She was upset when she was told that yes she had broken her arm.

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Specializes in oncology, trauma, home health.

I had a brain-injured pt who kept putting his finger down his meatus, even with restraints on. At 2 am he started screaming so I ran in there to find blood gushing, spewing, pulsating out of his member. I grabbed a towel, applied pressure, someone else called the doc, two other cleaned him and the bed up while I sat there, applying pressure. After the clean up we were alone, he was still bleeding, and he turns to me and asks in all seriousness, "Was that good for you? I get the feeling you were disappointed."

So funny and so sad.

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