From the mouths of non-nurses

[mattcastens]

My wife, a piano teacher, and I were talking about music and she was using some pretty "technical" terms that I, not a music professional, didn't understand.

She said, "Now you know what it's like for me. You come home and start talking about your pasta and broccoli."

I didn't understand.

"Your pasta and broccoli. You know -- you talking about them all the time!"

I still had no clue.

She sighed. "When you're talking about your heart patients and how they had pasta or broccoli."

Then it dawned on me. I laughed. :chuckle

She meant when I talked about PTCA ("pizza") and CABG ("cabbage"). :roll

[fronkey bean]

I was working w/ a tech. one day and she kept looking at the heart monitor screen w/ a frown on her face. finally she asked, "What is big eminy?"

[Cmariehart]

"You're no nurse, you're the drug dealer!!!!!!"

"you're no nurse, you're a vampire!!"

Both told to me from our new admit. Because every time I see her I either giving her pills or taking her blood... And then she told this to her granddaughter.. Who now asks for "Vampy" when she comes to see her grandmother

[TrudyRN]

My 6 year old called me 'The Poopoo Boss' today because my 7 year old was complaining about her stomach hurting and I was asking about recent poops, or lack of. :monkeydance:

Cute. My husband knows by now that, if he dares to c/o about abd pain, he had better be ready to tell me about any nausea, vomiting, diarrhea (including quantity, frequency, quality, color), gas, last BM, rectal bleeding, mucus in stool, heartburn, fever, etc., etc. I think he secretly likes having a nurse wife. But only secretly.

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

I cannot tell you how many patients have told me that they have "A-Trib" for A-Fib.

One gent insisted that he was going for a procedure that would "divert" him. I finally figured out that he was going for a cardioversion.

I get "Lasik" for "Lasix" a lot too.

[Diary/Dairy, RN]

A college friend who came to borrow books and wondered how your cervix could be fractured!!!!! :lol2:

[fizz2Nurse]

So I get this poor 91 YOM with bilat pneumonia and at the start of shift he's moaning and says he hurts some. Being NPO I give him a tylenol suppository and hope it does the trick. He didn't like the suppository.

Unfortunately after a few hours of yelling and multiple calls, bladder scan and order I get to place a foley. He's generally thrashing aound and I get the aide to help me position him and calm him down.

As I place the foley I just get it to where it begins to drain and all of a sudden he yells at the top of his lungs,

"Oh my god, I've done a lot of things in my life but now I'm a whore too!"

Well I hadn't inflated the balloon yet and between the aide trying to remain standing and me laughing it was all I could do to keep that foley placed and get it inflated.

Poor ol Mr. C.......but it was still funny.

[fronkey bean]

I get "Lasik" for "Lasix" a lot too.

I had this one LOM that kept telling me he took "a little white pill" that helped his breathing. It took a while but we finally figured out he meant Lasix.

[Diary/Dairy, RN]

Yep, My mom frequently complaints about patients who come in and tell you well, I take that blue pill for my heart, you know, that blue one..." Sorry, we dont know!!

I also love it when you ask someone (almost invariably a man) what pills he takes at home and he says, I dont know, ask my wife....well, sir, your wife is not here, that is why I am asking you, what are you going to do if she leaves you??...he replies, well, I guess Id just die!! People just frustate me to death!!

[loriann, BSN, RN]

During a sheath pull today, my patient had a vagal response. Later in the day, his wife came to the nurse's station and wanted to know if he could ever eat bread again. Confused, I asked her why she thought he couldn't eat bread. She said, "Well, I heard he had a bagel response when you and the doctor were in there, so I figured he might be allergic or something."

I nearly peed my pants with that one!

[Diary/Dairy, RN]

A BAGEL RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL :lol2:

[HeatherB,CST]

My brother is on immunosupressants post-kidney/pancreas transplant. He had to educate all his friends, guests etc. about how important sanitation is around him. It amazes me how many people say things like "Well I hope you're taking lots of Airborne/Vit C/Zinc to strengthen your immune system!" Um.....

As if the Prograf has another purpose, and immunosupression is just a nasty side effect. LOL

[justrissy]

We had a woman years ago in a LTC facility where I was a CNA (before I got my LPN) Whenever she was in pain and wanting a Tyl 3 she would call and ask for her 'Tylenol with cocaine'. Sound pretty funny coming from an 80 something woman!