Nursing and Emotions - Need advice/encouragement

[NurseSara0214]

I currently work as an L.P.N, and have been a nurse for 3 years. I am currently attending school to become an R.N. I have always been an emotional person. Of course in front of patients I am able to be composed, generally if I'm frustrated I pray about it at the end of my shift, and of course if I question something, I always ask for advice. My goal is to become a hospice nurse. My teachers, employer, and fellow nurses have stated that they feel this is a great route for me because of my love for my patients, and knowledge of what hospice is really about. This week we had a patient pass who I had literally just met that day. Her story was so touching, and I did become teary eyed in front of the spouse. I was able to tell him though how she touched my life in just 4 hours of knowing her.. but when everything was all said and done, I felt as if I was not in the right for becoming tearful. I know that if I have a situation such as this approaching, that if I chew gum and remind myself to be professional, I am fine, but if someone catches me off guard, it just happens. I am always happy and that is one of the biggest compliments my patients give me, so of course the only "emotion" I am discouraged with is my tearfulness, of course in sad situations as the one stated above... is this normal? How do you deal with this if you are like this? My saying is.. if I stop crying or stop caring.. I'm done with this profession.. I love being a nurse.

[zoe92]

I think that the way you empathize with the patient and how compassionate you are is a beautiful quality. I too am an emotional person and understand how you can feel this way. The way I would handle the situation is to remember what the patient needs right now. They are heart broken and sad. What they need is someone to be stronger and more composed. As a nurse, patients will look to you as a source of strength, therefore it is important not to let your emotions get the best of you. Keep in mind what the patient needs right ow and that can really help.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

Caring and crying are not the same thing. You can have one without the other. You cannot provide emotional support if you are a basket case. Try to compartmentalize the emotion till after the interaction. You may need counseling to learn how to do that and your employer may offer employee assistance program. It is related to stress you are feeling but your feelings are not what is important when patient care is involved.

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

Gum chewing and being professional usually don't go together..

I will echo what classicdame said. The pt and family are relying on you to stay strong. I have cried in private but never in front of pt or family. It's not about me, it's about them, you know? I have wiped my tears, fixed the make up and gone back into the room to be strong for them.

I worry with the amount of emotion that you do carry that Hospice will burn you out quickly. How will you cope knowing all of your patients will be dying?

I think counseling would be a wonderful idea as well.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

no gum, ever, at work (second that motion)-- did somebody tell you it would help you stem your tears?

i think you need to have a few sessions with a good counselor, preferably one with hospice experience (you can call the local hospice and they can recommend some) before you ever go into that business full-time. of course most hospice patients are not dying acutely, though they all get there, so perhaps that would be easier for you. but still, i think we're all seeing some flags that you might not be quite ready for this at this point in your career. perhaps later?

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

It's normal to feel emotions, no matter what they are. When it becomes a problem is when showing them becomes more about you than about your clients (patient and/or family). If it comes to this point, excuse yourself, pull yourself together, and then go back so you can help more effectively...

[Anna Flaxis, BSN, RN]

I'm in agreement with the others. The ability to empathize and to handle difficult situations with sensitivity are crucial. I think it's normal to feel emotional sometimes, and maybe even to find oneself tearing up. But imagine if the doctors and nurses in a code or a trauma started to cry! How effective could they be? I've been through lots of codes and traumas stone cold without emotion, doing what needs to be done. You save the emotions for later. It doesn't mean you don't allow yourself to be affected by the patients and families you come into contact with; it simply means that you have to be able to keep yourself together in the moment and do what you need to do to provide care to them, and deal with your own feelings about it later.

That's not to say I've never become a little teary eyed at the bedside; we're all human, and sometimes it's going to happen, but these are exceptional situations. I've been around a lot of death, a lot of severe illness, and most of the time, I'm very composed. I think that is what I would want from my or my family member's nurse.

[NurseSara0214]

Thank you all for the feedback. I think counseling would be a good way for me to figure out how to balance my emotions in this situation. I actually enjoy my job, and we generally only have 1 or 2 hospice patients every few months. I've dealt with many hospice patients, and this is the first time I've dealt with this type of emotion. There was alot of happy and sad emotions at the time due to the background of that patient, music was playing and the family was celebrating. When the husband had become teary eyed, I did feel a sense of emotion for him and my eyes welled up with tears. I don't sob in front of clients/families, never would I do that. I just had tears that welled up, which was embarassing in itself. The gum chewing thing isn't something I do all of the time. I guess I should have stated, with the gum if I know there is a situation brewing where there may be heavy emotion, I am able to use the gum or breath mints to keep me from getting dry mouth. I'm not chomping in front of the families, yes I do know gum chewing isn't "professional".. and I would hope that I come across as professional to my residents/families. At this time of this situation.. I was able to be witnessed to by a strong christian family, and to me I felt very blessed.. I will take all of your feedbacks and hopefully learn from them.. thanks!

[NurseSara0214]

Thank you! That's exactly how I feel! That they need me to help THEM.. I was so embarassed..not that it happens all of the time. I just cherish these times. Nobody realizes how special the hospice part of nursing is unless they're apart of it. It's a very intimate time where we can educate and support when the families need it most. This patient had been suffering for quite awhile and the family was never told that this person could heard them talk to them.. when I was able to tell them that you'd think that they were given a pot of gold.. they were so happy and they were able to feel comfortable saying their final goodbyes. That day was such a bittersweet day, because I honestly felt like they taught me something.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

"My teachers, employer, and fellow nurses have stated that they feel this is a great route for me because of my love for my patients, and knowledge of what hospice is really about."

I think they don't know the real you. You are too sensitive (nothing wrong with that) to be around death and dying on a full time basis.

No amount of counseling is going to change that.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

"My teachers, employer, and fellow nurses have stated that they feel this is a great route for me because of my love for my patients, and knowledge of what hospice is really about."

I think they don't know the real you. You are too sensitive (nothing wrong with that) to be around death and dying on a full time basis.

No amount of counseling is going to change that.

Really? I mean I tear up at sad dog stories and kodak commercials and have felt teary dealing with families that are going through hell. That does not mean I can't and/or couldn't learn to suck them up in the name of doing my job well. I think your comments do the OP an injustice and I hope she doesn't take them to heart.

Like anything else it is just a process of telling yourself that it will not help them for you to be upset and a simple matter of repeated exposure that will allow you to learn how to hide those emotions.

[nursel56]

"My teachers, employer, and fellow nurses have stated that they feel this is a great route for me because of my love for my patients, and knowledge of what hospice is really about."

I think they don't know the real you. You are too sensitive (nothing wrong with that) to be around death and dying on a full time basis.

No amount of counseling is going to change that.

Interesting you would say that that the people who she works with don't know the real her, and yet you - who only knows her from text on a message board, have decided she's too sensitive to pursue the specialty she says she loves and no amount of counseling is going to change that? That's a bit extreme.

My eyes have welled up with tears a few times, too.

OP, you are still in the learning phase - I think you will be OK if this was an isolated incident and there was no disruption in the delivery of your professional care. At least give it some more time before you bail out of the type of nursing you really feel drawn to. Best wishes to you!