Nursing and Emotions - Need advice/encouragement

[NurseSara0214]

I currently work as an L.P.N, and have been a nurse for 3 years. I am currently attending school to become an R.N. I have always been an emotional person. Of course in front of patients I am able to be composed, generally if I'm frustrated I pray about it at the end of my shift, and of course if I question something, I always ask for advice. My goal is to become a hospice nurse. My teachers, employer, and fellow nurses have stated that they feel this is a great route for me because of my love for my patients, and knowledge of what hospice is really about. This week we had a patient pass who I had literally just met that day. Her story was so touching, and I did become teary eyed in front of the spouse. I was able to tell him though how she touched my life in just 4 hours of knowing her.. but when everything was all said and done, I felt as if I was not in the right for becoming tearful. I know that if I have a situation such as this approaching, that if I chew gum and remind myself to be professional, I am fine, but if someone catches me off guard, it just happens. I am always happy and that is one of the biggest compliments my patients give me, so of course the only "emotion" I am discouraged with is my tearfulness, of course in sad situations as the one stated above... is this normal? How do you deal with this if you are like this? My saying is.. if I stop crying or stop caring.. I'm done with this profession.. I love being a nurse.

[leslie :-D]

if you've cared for many hospice pts, and this was your 1st emotional reaction, i'd say you're doing just fine.

it's when those tears become heebee-jeebee (sp) crying, is when it is frowned upon.

it is when you cannot proceed with your nursing duties, that it becomes problematic.

i worked inpatient hospice for many years, and i've seen some extraordinary things..

some that have brought me to tears.

and still, i have dabbed my eyes and moved on, focusing on pt/family/situation.

sometimes when i've teared up, i give the person a hug, express some personal sentiments, and then move on.

families/pts become uncomfortable when they feel they need to look out for you.

that should never, ever happen.

and if it doesn't/hasn't, i'd say you're doing just fine.

leslie

[NurseSara0214]

"My teachers, employer, and fellow nurses have stated that they feel this is a great route for me because of my love for my patients, and knowledge of what hospice is really about."

I think they don't know the real you. You are too sensitive (nothing wrong with that) to be around death and dying on a full time basis.

No amount of counseling is going to change that.

Actually, I think they do know me pretty well as I've worked with these people for over 2 years. It's not like I'm crying every minute of my shift each shift. This was an isolated incident in which I was very embarrassed. Yes, I may seek counseling to see how I can channel my feelings, but I think I've done the wrong thing by asking advice on an online forum. I probably should have gone directly to my coworkers instead. Thank you though.

[NurseSara0214]

Thank you Leslie. I think it'd be cold and undearing to at least give a sentiment to a family who has just lost their loved one. There were many emotions that day, and honestly, I was so happy to know that I was able to help a family out in their time of need and this persons last few days. Mostly this was an isolated incident that I was embarrassed about, and hopefully growing from it. Even the hospice MD who came into speak with the family today me that I handled everything with grace and did a wonderful job (usually hospice comes in at the very end but due to their other patients, I was the main person handling the situation). That MD also stated to me that I would be good in this field.. I appreciated that.

[picurn10]

I guess I disagree with most of the responses. If you were regularly crying, yeah, that's unprofessional, but getting watery-eyed with a pts family doesn't convey weakness it convey's empathy. Our MD's regularly cry with pts family's (I work in PICU) and respect them more for it! I've seen them give a hug, pray with them, cry with them, and rejoice when we have a good outcome.

I had a co-worker who was crying on the way home from work, having nightmares, etc... and she knew it was time to move on and do something else. I have only cried at home once (a particularly violent child abuse victim) and once with a pts family, because the pt was end-stage cancer and the mom was having a bad day seeing her child suffering. Most of the time while the really tragic stuff is going on, we're working hard to stop it, or doing tasks to help the family say goodbye or whatever, but every once in awhile you can't help it.

I would think hospice would be a good place for you. You need great compassion and empathy in that field. People are allowing you into a sacred moment with their loved one, and if you weren't able to cry with them at times, I think it would make it harder on everyone.

[lovedijah]

I think this is such a tough issue because people view crying differently. Some people view it as being "weak", some people see it as being "compassionate". Some people won't mind you crying about their loved ones. Some people would prefer staff who could hold it all together and keep themselves composed. Some people don't view death as a "bad thing", so tears are awkward. Death and dying is different things to different people. After all, I have been to funerals that were like parties. I have been to funerals that were tear fests. I don't know that there is a "perfect hospice nurse". It depends on the famiy. To some people you'll be great. To some- you won't. Just do your best and try to read the family. If everyone is straight faced, I would try to hold it together.

I think you'll be fine.