Nurses secretive about getting another job

[Emergent]

We have a Per Diem nurse 'Karen' who also is Per Diem at another hospital where I used to work. There's others from there and a lot of back and forth. Another coworker who also works both places let it slip to me that she thought Karen was now orienting at a 3rd nearby hospital. There's some of our nurses who work there as well, lots of openness, no restrictions from management at all.

So I sent a friendly text to Karen asking how she's doing, that I hadn't seen her in awhile. She said she's been really busy with her daughter's graduation. Mind you, she and I have been workplace friends. I later confirmed with a nurse that went to that 3rd hospital fulltime, staying Per Diem with us, that Karen has been there a lot orienting.

So, Karen is being secretive, which is ridiculous since nursing is a small world where it's going to all come out in the open anyways. No one would ever bat an eye about her picking up another job since there've been fewer of the day shifts that Karen likes available lately.

So, why would someone be secretive about this?

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

People got harsh on this post fast. But I will say, depending on how well I got along with a work friend, I might think it...peculiar that they didn't mention to me that they'd be starting elsewhere.

Maybe this person got burned in the past somehow and wants to keep strong boundaries about their "outside life."

Whatever, don't let it bother you. Now you know at what level your friendship is.

[TitaniumPlates]

7 minutes ago, Jedrnurse said:

People got harsh on this post fast. But I will say, depending on how well I got along with a work friend, I might think it...peculiar that they didn't mention to me that they'd be starting elsewhere.

Maybe this person got burned in the past somehow and wants to keep strong boundaries about their "outside life."

Whatever, don't let it bother you. Now you know at what level your friendship is.

I agree. All I asked was a simple question--why does it matter what she does in her off time?

then this:

"Karen is actually quite gossipy herself, LOL. She constantly complains about people and management at Hospital A. She is highly critical of patients from the lower socioeconomic strata. She's openly expressed her jealousy that some newer Per Diems are getting the day shifts that she feels entitled to. "

That's not a work friend type of comment. Emergent isn't friends with this woman---and yet she feels that "Karen" needs to give her personal information. Emergent is talking smack about her behind her back on a forum---which equates to "not friends" in my book. These may be facts as Emergent sees them--about "Karen"---which leads me to wonder---perhaps "Karen" feels the same way about Emergent. Ergo--information is not going to flow to someone who is so willing to disparage someone else behind their back, no matter the "intent".

That's all I was pointing out.

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

48 minutes ago, TitaniumPlates said:

I agree. All I asked was a simple question--why does it matter what she does in her off time?

then this:

"Karen is actually quite gossipy herself, LOL. She constantly complains about people and management at Hospital A. She is highly critical of patients from the lower socioeconomic strata. She's openly expressed her jealousy that some newer Per Diems are getting the day shifts that she feels entitled to. "

That's not a work friend type of comment. Emergent isn't friends with this woman---and yet she feels that "Karen" needs to give her personal information. Emergent is talking smack about her behind her back on a forum---which equates to "not friends" in my book. These may be facts as Emergent sees them--about "Karen"---which leads me to wonder---perhaps "Karen" feels the same way about Emergent. Ergo--information is not going to flow to someone who is so willing to disparage someone else behind their back, no matter the "intent".

That's all I was pointing out.

I agree. That quote didn't exactly paint the OP in glowing colors. It just seems that this thread went from 0 - 60 pretty fast.

[klone, MSN, RN]

2 hours ago, Emergent said:

What surprises me is that she even feels the need to be secretive and, even more surprising, that she thinks she can hide this. She's an experienced nurse! She's gravely underestimating the nursing grapevine!

Maybe she just doesn't like you and doesn't care to share with you what she's doing.

[klone, MSN, RN]

On 6/6/2019 at 4:46 PM, Emergent said:

I guess I have always seen no reason to hide a second job. Lots of nurses have them, it's no big deal.

Because some people don't like other people being all up in their business. This entitlement to know what's going on in other people's lives is odd to me.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

Emergent, you are misusing the word secretive.

Even discrete is too strong here. She's not hiding something she's just choosing not to share the info.

[JenEkleRN]

Omg. This thread is utterly asinine!

[JKL33]

5 hours ago, Emergent said:

So, why would someone be secretive about this?

Not secretive, just strategic: Although people are going to talk, I prefer that they say whatever they will without being able to say that they talked to me about it - - which would allow them to imply that their portrayal of the situation is what I told them. Also, if I don't talk to coworkers about stuff like this, then if/when their gossip stirs up trouble I can honestly say, "I haven't said one word to any of them about this topic. If they are implying I said these things [or, that they know anything about my decision-making] then they are lying." ?

[MunoRN, RN]

In my experience it's not at all unusual for managers and even coworkers to treat a nurse differently when they also work somewhere else, ranging from simply tense relationships to being downright nasty. I've personally seen a manager, in full view of the floor, tell (more accurately scream) a nurse that they were a "piece of ***" for also working per diem at another hospital. So no, I have no reason to wonder why a nurse might want to keep this on the down-low.

[Learner95]

Everyone is different. If you like to share your plans with everyone, it does not means that others are also obligated to share their plans with you.

If you like someone or someone is your friend, you wouldn't get angry about their new job. Instead you should be happy that she is managing her jobs.

[MunoRN, RN]

Just now, MunoRN said:

In my experience it's not at all unusual for managers and even coworkers to treat a nurse differently when they also work somewhere else, ranging from simply tense relationships to being downright nasty. I've personally seen a manager, in full view of the floor, tell (more accurately scream) a nurse that they were a "piece of ***" for also working per diem at another hospital. So no, I have no reason to wonder why a nurse might want to keep this on the down-low.

I'm not sure what's wrong with the site's censorship function, but "***" should be 4 asterisks, not 3. Also, "***" is not technically a curse word to begin with.

[klone, MSN, RN]

On 6/6/2019 at 9:15 PM, FolksBtrippin said:

Even discrete is too strong here.

*discreet